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 November 22, 2005 5:45 PM

Family first yes. Well, kids anyway! I like that one Dian! Peace, Rage  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 November 21, 2005 7:15 AM

Others things may change us, but we start and end with family.

Anthony Brandt

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 November 17, 2005 7:28 AM

The Soul is healed by being with grandchildren.

by Fyodor Dostoevsky

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 September 29, 2005 8:46 AM

We had fun! Thanks for asking! My son couldn't come so it was the 5 of us. and the furbabies. That's getting to be a full house! I can't believe how fast my family is growing!  First Christian decided on pizza, then pasta. No meatballs, no onions, no mushrooms! He inhaled the spaghetti and brought home a big bucket of it for supper tonight. It was a good time! Oh no. We didn't take pictures. grrrrr. Well, he's only a day over 6, I can still go get some!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 29, 2005 7:00 AM

Oh Rage, how wonderful for you.  My youngest son is 6.  Are they just so funny at this age.  Well, I know where to go for my birthday.  That cake sounds way 2 wonderful.  So, how did it go??  Did you 2 have lots of fun??

Bette Jo, I think most kids are basically the same at that age.  Those are my son's favorites too!   Bet it nicer sharing them with grandkids.  My mom-in-law just loves being around the boys.

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Rage September 28, 2005 3:17 PM

that is so funny it sounds like my grandson. We were down in Virginia for his 5th BD and his sisters 2nd BD in January and I was going to buy him a BD cake and he wanted me to bake him one. So of course I did he wanted chocolate cake/chocolate frosing (he takes after me LOL) and he wanted and got spaggetti for dinner. He loves his pasta.

Grandkids.......gotta love 'em!

Hugs,

Bette Jo

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 September 28, 2005 1:41 PM

It's my grandson's 6th birthday today. He was here yesterday so his parents could do some shopping for him. Today I baked him a chocalate cake and have spaghetti cooking. It's what he requested! He is a very happy camper at school today because he gets to wear the crown all day! I better go clean the house now, I think my young son and girlfriend are coming too. Oh, the cake is a family recipe that everyone gets on their birthday! Rage  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 28, 2005 9:06 AM

"Grandchildren are loving reminders of what we're really here for."

Janet Lanese 

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Kevin September 26, 2005 10:16 AM

I am glad everything is working out for you with your grandchildren.

I personally have never had that experience,but know many people that do.

It is difficult to know what to do as each state has its one laws for grandparents rights.

I have found a couple sites that are worth checking out if anyone needs them or knows anyone else who does.

Hugs,

Bette Jo

Grandparents Rights

 

 

http://www.grandparenting.org/Grandparent%20Visitation.htm

 

http://www.grandparenting.org/Grandparent%20Visitation.htm

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 September 26, 2005 8:41 AM

LOL Rage, who doesn't, not me.....  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 26, 2005 8:16 AM

I like Oner'y people! I even resemble that remark sometimes!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 26, 2005 7:35 AM

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round.  Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

Franklin Jones

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 September 26, 2005 7:34 AM

Ol' Onery Michelle????  Never heard of her, only pretty nice Michelle  LOL

Kevin, that is great news....

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 September 25, 2005 4:53 PM

How sweet, thanks for asking. I am starting to feel better. But, this medicine is horrible. I mean I don't have any trouble swallowing the "horse pills", but its the upset stomach that gets me.

I'll be back to my  Ol' Onery self soon....LOL

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anonymous Must... September 25, 2005 3:42 PM

How are you feeling????  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous Must... September 25, 2005 3:42 PM

Hi Michelle - yes, I think it goes under the heading of 'you don't know what you had, until it is gone'....it's really difficult though hearing 'no' (and I am not trying to rub anything in) from people we love.  It's like, please you guys, GET OVER IT! - whatever 'it' is.  Even with family - 'people are strange'!

I hope you get to have 'em real soon - like for a week or so. 

Warmest regards - Kevin 

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 September 25, 2005 2:17 PM

Kevin,

I am a bit late answering the post... I have been battling pneumonia.

I am also a Single Grandparent. And I know exactly what you are going/ were going through.

My daughter and her husband used to live about 20 miles from me. I can't tell you how many times I asked to keep my Granddaughter and Grandson. The answer was always...NO! Mind you, my son in laws parents got them for overnighters when they wanted. It was always one excuse after another. You don't have a bed for Gracie...so I bought one and let Gracie pick out the comforter set. You don't have a bed for Coy... so I bought one  for him. I thought that they would give at this point... then, it was, Well what about Scott (my ex), what if he comes here to your house?

It was like, no matter what I did the answer was NO NO NO. Now I am 1000 miles from them, and every Saturday morning I call and am asked, When are you coming back?  You can have Gracie and Coy anytime you want. For overnight, for the day, for a few hours... we don't care. The kids miss you so much.

Did I miss something? I'm still scratching my head on that one.

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 September 25, 2005 2:08 PM

that was  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 25, 2005 2:08 PM

*bluxh* It's your daughter in law that came to her senses Didn't read it close enough. Still a reason to Peace, Rage  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 25, 2005 2:06 PM

That is so cool Kevin !! I'm very happy that things are working out so well for you! Your kid sounds like he's getting some smarts! From you? Sincerely happy for you! Granny Rage  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous Grandparent's September 23, 2005 4:41 PM

Thanx all....don't think court will be necessary.  Think this had a lot to do with 'firsts'....I've spoken with my daughter-in-law and this will work out A-OK!  We talked about her fears (she lost her brother when she was younger)...I listened and just reassured her this is very different.  Also, the children let her know they want to hang out with me.  And my son is supportive.  I'm going to visit over the Christmas holidays.  Will get to meet Adelise (newest member of the clan) and now all of seven months!  Needless to say, I can hardly wait to get ahold of her!  Gonna' eat her up!

Best wishes to all here.....

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Chicken Soup September 23, 2005 12:30 PM

"Grandchildren restore our zest for life and our faith in humanity."      by Unknown  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 20, 2005 9:54 AM

Great info Elaine, I hope this help anyone who needs it.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 20, 2005 6:56 AM

Once you have decided to go to court, you should be aware  the best interests of the children will probably be the legal standard in the state of your grandchildren's residence.
Start by collecting evidence that you and the children had a consistently loving and caring relationship in the past.

Also collect documents, witnesses, and other evidence that contact with you is in the best interests of the children.

Collect this evidence before seeing an attorney to save time and money in the case.

Remember, that the law of the state where your grandchildren live is the applicable law here although federal laws are not friendly to grandparents.

Then call a local bar association in that city or area and state. Ask for a referral to a family-law attorney who has experience in non-parental (third-party) visitation rights.

Good luck.

Grandparents Make a Difference.

What if you fail?

You have tried the mediators and the courts.

You either have not been awarded visitation rights or if you were, the custodial parent has left the state, maybe even to keep you from seeing the children.

What can you do?

Persevere. No child can have too much love. Children have a right to the love of grandparents.

 

You can try to find ways to stay-in-touch with those children.

Just keep trying,: regular mail, occasional calls, inexpensive birthday and holiday presents. Even if everything is returned to you, you can put it aside for the day you will see that child again.

And if all your efforts are discarded by a bitter custodial parent, you are doing what you can to keep love alive for those special people: your grandchildren.

Many children, when they are teenagers or adults, will attempt to find their other parent and all the relatives who were denied to them as children. Even then, the fact that you were trying to give them love as children will be meaningful to your grandchildren.

Not much consolation on a cold, winter evening, though, is it?

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 September 20, 2005 6:52 AM

The Alternatives to Court for Grandparents.

Should you go to court for the right to see your grandchildren?

Many state laws do  provide reasonable visitation rights for both maternal and paternal grandparents. You can apply to the District Court for the right to visit with an unmarried minor child.

Bear in mind that federal laws are more friendly to parents than grandparents.

There are other alternatives.

1. The first alternative is to communicate with the custodial parent. If possible, arrange to talk to them in a public place where emotions can not reach the boiling point.

Try to determine that the problems are. If the custodial parent thinks you will try to turn the children against him/her, do everything possible to assure them that this will not happen.


There may be alternatives to court for visitation rights to grandchildren such as mediation, following rules of custodial parent, writing, calling, and others.   


 2. Offer to let the custodial parent set all the ground rules.

If this is satisfactory, and you do get to see your grandchildren, follow those ground rules to the letter.

3. Ask the custodial parent to agree to professional, third-party mediation. This is an excellent way to avoid going to court.

4. If the custodial parent will agree to none of the above, ask for permission to write, call, and/or send gifts to the children.

You are searching for any way to keep your love for your grandchildren visible to them. Swallow your pride and do it!!

Time for Court for Grandparents.

If all else has failed, you may decide to go to court.

Many child advocates believe the grandparent-grandchild relationship is so important to children in general, but to children of broken families in particular, that court should be a solution to denial of visitation. A final solution, of course, but one that is worthwhile for the children involved.

Again, because of the emotional and financial burden to the grandparents,   it should be the last resort, after you have tried negotiations with the custodial parent, mediation, and just plain swallowing your pride and begging. 

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 September 20, 2005 6:48 AM

Hi Kevin,

I I hesitate to offer any advice, as the laws are so different between Canada and the states, but I came across this article, and I thought maybe it would be of some help.

I do sympathize with you. For five years I seemed to have spent as much time in court, as out of it, over my oldest grandson. It was a nightmare. I now have two grandsons that I don't even know where they are. It's all very heartbreaking. You have my best wishes that it will all work out for you.

Hugs, Elaine

A Grandchild's Rights to Visitation by Grandparents.

Divorce is often a series of tragedies when there are children involved.

One of those tragedies can be the loss of contact between grandchildren and grandparents.Scenario: Your child divorces. For whatever reason, he/she does not have visitation rights with the children. For spite, meanness, fear, or whatever, the ex-spouse decides to deny access to you as the grandparents, also.

Your grandchildren, who may need your support more than ever, are also denied access to you.

What can you do?

Well, you can go to court. Many states have laws providing reasonable visitation rights for all grandparents, whether maternal or paternal.

But federal laws are much more friendly to parents than grandparents.


One of the big tragedies of divorce can be loss of contact with grandchildren and grandparents through loss of visitation rights. 


 Scenario: You go to court and you win. Your child's ex-spouse moves the children to another state.

Unfortunately, your visitation rights are governed by the laws of the state where your grandchildren live.  Now you must start over in another court battle in another state.

This series of articles will discuss some of the ways you can see your grandchildren again. That is important for you, of course, but your support and love can be crucial for your grandchildren.

 Four general rules:

1. Do everything you can to keep any hard feeling between you and the children's custodial parent from the children themselves. Bite your tongue, if necessary, to keep those feelings in check and known only to you.

2. Respect temporary situations. If separation is temporary, say while a child adjusts to a new stepparent or a new school, be understanding. Changes, including new families, take time and energy. If the custodial parent feels that contact can resume as soon as life is on a firm footing again, respect this. Your time will come and it will come quicker because of your understanding of temporary situations.

3. Step in immediately if you see evidence of or even suspect that the children are being physically or emotionally abused. You can do this by contacting the agency or department of social services that protects minor children in the state where your grandchildren live.

4. Persevere. No child can have too much love. Children have a moral, if not legal, right to the love of grandparents. You can protect those rights for your grandchildren.


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 September 19, 2005 12:11 PM

this is not right at all. check and see if you have grandparent rights in your state, some don't. I'm a single parent, and if any of my kids would decide not to let me see my grandkids that would have the wrath of Rage on their hands. I can see that happening with my youngest son if he doesn't stay with his g.f. I haven't even met her Mom yet, just talked to her on the phone a few times. That's my situation, not to be discussed here, sorry. And I'm sorry you don't get the time that both of you deserve and need. That is a big mistake on your son's part, one that will come back to bite him in the butt. Let us know what you find out. Peace, Granny Rage  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
I September 19, 2005 8:00 AM

I just hung up with my friend who fought for her granddaughter.  She says if worse comes to worse, you may have to take her/them to court.  My friend lives in California so she is not sure how the grandparenting laws R in NY.  U may have to check with someone, perhaps even a lawyer.  Sorry I couldn't have been more help.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Reply to Kevin September 19, 2005 7:55 AM

Hello Kevin:

I read your post in this site, and understood.  You do need your Son to "go to bat" for you here.  Your Ex-Daughter-in-Law might not even know how badly you need to be with your Grandchildren.  Make sure to keep communications open and friendly (if possible...).

You came to the right place to vent and get help.  The people in this group all care very much for each other.  Do you need to write more on the subject ?  We'll read.  And the best Grandparents around will be happy to help you out.  How long have you been a member ?  (Longer than me, and I'll feel silly...). 

More soon. Peace and Grace,  Nina

 

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 September 19, 2005 7:32 AM

I'm not single but my hubby is the step-grandfather to may 1st yet unborn grandbaby.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous Grandparents' must September 17, 2005 3:37 PM

How many single grandparents are here??  I ask because of an experience I had with my daughter-in-law....specifically, a lack of trust in my ability to be with and take care of the grandchildren on my own!!  My son went along with this - her parents live up the street and get to see the children on a regular basis (including sleepovers).  I, on one occasion, was with Klye - pushing him on a swing - when 'they' showed up and were all over him - stopped the swing for a 'kiss' and stuff like that.  I told 'em both to take a walk....it felt like they were intruding on the time he and I were sharing together. 

It doesn't matter much right now because I'm out of the country however, I want to have them stay with me when I get back and settled in.  I know they want to do 'sleep overs' and stuff like that.  I am afraid that if the mom cannot overcome her own fears and my son doesn't go to bat for me that I'll go off somewhere far away and only visit on special occasions.  You all know I really don't want to do that but it hurt when I had to confront this initially.

Hope you all don't mind too much that I wrote this and perhaps you'll help me by sharing your views and/or advice on this.  Merci Beaucoup!!

Kevin (papaegan) 

    

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 September 16, 2005 9:14 AM

"Whatever is going on is just a reflection of ourselves back to us, so that we can see ourselves as clearly as our childchildren do"  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 15, 2005 6:25 AM

If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of his grandparents who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.

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 September 14, 2005 9:22 AM

Nina, that's wonderful!!!  A big  4 U.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Dian September 14, 2005 9:12 AM

How true could that be ?  The humor at this site amazes me every day, and helps make long distance Grandparenting easier.  By the way, it's been two weeks today since I had a cigarette !  Yeah for that !!  Have a blessed day, all.

Peace and Grace,  Nina

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 September 14, 2005 7:41 AM

LOL How true... I think its called Mom and Dad.  [ send green star]
 
Dian September 14, 2005 6:17 AM

that is an awesome idea!

Hugs,[]

Bette Jo

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Grandparent's must..... September 14, 2005 6:10 AM

My daughter sent me a book called "The Chicken Soup of Grandparenting" so I'll post a few of the things I thought were good and share them with U all.

"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy"

Sam Levinson  

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