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 July 12, 2008 2:14 AM

Laughter is good for you – for your physical health, your emotional well-being, the efficient functioning of your mind and the full and joyous expression of your spirit.
These include:

Helps relieve life's stresses, pains, anxieties, and depression.

Strengthens the immune, digestive, eliminative, and respiratory systems.

¶ Helps improve self-image, confidence, compassion, and creativity.

¶ improvement with: Manic Depression, Low Energy/Fibromyalgia, Allergies, Shyness, and Chronic Pain.

The Good News is that EVERYONE can laugh! You don't need to be happy, You don’t need to feel good first; you don't even need a sense of humor. Any time is a good time to have a laugh.

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 July 12, 2008 2:03 AM

101.jpg  [ send green star]
 
anonymous Laugh your way to a good heart! March 08, 2007 6:11 PM

LAUGH YOUR WAY TO ARTERIAL HEALTH...  

Using funny movies to gauge the effect of
emotions on  
cardiovascular health, researchers have found
laughter  
can promote blood vessel health. The scientists
at the  
University of Maryland School of Medicine in
Baltimore  
note laughter appears to cause the tissue that
forms the  
inner lining of blood vessels, the endothelium,
to dilate  
or expand to increase blood flow. When the same
group of  
volunteers was shown a movie that produced mental
stress,  
their blood vessel lining developed a potentially  
unhealthy response called vasoconstriction,
reducing blood  
flow. That finding confirms previous studies,
which sug-  
gested a link between mental stress and the
narrowing of  
blood vessels.  
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 September 13, 2006 3:32 PM

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 August 08, 2006 3:48 PM

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 July 21, 2006 1:33 AM

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 July 17, 2006 12:34 AM

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' July 08, 2006 11:04 AM

Good Housekeeping Tip From Maxine

                     Another Maxine Tip...                  
         

 

Maxine says......

Always keep several get well cards on the mantel.....

 

so if unexpected guests arrive,

 

they will think you've been sick and unable to clean.  [ send green star]
 
MEN R GONNA LOVE THIS June 03, 2006 2:07 PM

  1. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: a) I will not go, b) I will not go, and c) I will not go.

  2. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

  3. The daily World Cup highlights shown on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this
    list".


And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, FA Cup, etc.


Thank you for your cooperation.


Love,
Men

 [ send green star]
 
WORLD CUP FOOTBALL IS ON JUNE 9TH June 03, 2006 2:06 PM

Attn Guys        : Please share it your wives and girlfriends
Attn Ladies      : For Your Information only


A special request to all women...

Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend, Aunt, Niece, Mother, Grandmothers,
Maid, n all other possible forms of Women......

  1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

  2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

  3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

  4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won't happen.

  5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

  6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams
    is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

  7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend
    time together".
  8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
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 June 03, 2006 1:31 AM

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 April 19, 2006 2:42 AM

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 April 11, 2006 2:29 PM

How does a farmer count his herd of cows?

With a Cowlculator

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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 April 03, 2006 2:26 PM

Catholics in Las Vegas

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.



This is done by the chip monks!


Didn't see it comin', did ya?!?!

APRIL FOOL!
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 March 23, 2006 10:21 AM

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 March 02, 2006 4:08 AM



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 February 07, 2006 12:22 PM

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anonymous  January 12, 2006 8:34 AM

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a

small church found a pink envelope containing $1000.

It happened again the next week.

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached

her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some

of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much

does he send you?" The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a

living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas

and one in Reno."

 [report anonymous abuse]
 
anonymous  January 11, 2006 8:16 AM

GrandMaMas Know Everything"

Yea, Right!

There goes the theory that GrandMaMas know everything!

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "GrandMaMa, what is that called when people are sleeping on top of each other?"

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth... "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "GrandMaMa, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called a Bunk Bed."

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Thanks for the Gift of Laughter! January 11, 2006 2:46 AM

Essie  [ send green star]
 
anonymous  January 01, 2006 9:43 PM

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. (Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he will with me.")

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was a notation "Genesis 3:10" ("And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.").

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 January 01, 2006 6:07 PM

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "oneslice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?
6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" When, it isn't all right .
11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?
15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
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anonymous  December 26, 2005 6:57 AM

A hungry little boy was beginning to eat his dinner when his father reminded him that they hadn't prayed.

"We don't have to," said the little boy. "Mommy is a good cook!"

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GOOD ONE MARY!! December 16, 2005 1:22 PM

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anonymous  December 15, 2005 10:08 PM

An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs..."

"Sir," says the doctor, "you complain you have so many things. What don't you have?"

The man answers, "Teeth."

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anonymous  December 13, 2005 9:59 AM

"No Health Insurance"
 
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery.
 
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.
 
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he would like to pay for his treatment.
 
She asked if he had health insurance.
 
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
 
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
 
He replied, "No money in the bank."
 
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
 
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."
 
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
 
The patient replied, "OK. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
 
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anonymous Holiday Eating Tips December 12, 2005 6:20 AM

1.  Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 

2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly.  You can't find it any other time of year but now.  So drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something.  It's a treat.  Enjoy it!!!! Have one for me.  Have two.  It's later than you think.  It's Christmas!

3.  If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole point of gravy.  Gravy does not stand-alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill it with gravy.  Eat the volcano.  Repeat. 

4.  As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk.  If it's skim, pass.  Why bother?  It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

 5.  Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.  The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.  Lots of it.  Hello???

6.  Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

 7.  If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.  Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8.  Same for pies.  Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each.  Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.  Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert?  Labor Day?  

9.  Did someone mention fruitcake?  Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have some standards....Finally, reread tips, start over.. January is just around the corner.

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blondes are also smart.... December 11, 2005 1:45 PM

A blonde walks into a bank in Sydney and asks for the Loans Officer.
-She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The Bank Officer says the Bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes.
-The car is parked on the street in front of the Bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The Bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The Bank's President and its Officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Mercedes as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
-An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Mercedes into the Bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
-The Loans Office says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
-The blonde replies... "Where else in Sydney can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

 [ send green star]
 
 December 11, 2005 1:24 PM

Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
 
Trust everybody . . . then cut the cards.
 
Don't do for others what, given the chance, they wouldn't do for themselves.
 
Summer must be over. My neighbor just returned my lawn furniture.
 
If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you are wrong, then you are all right.
 
It's good to question authority, but not mine.
 
Love doesn't really make the world go round, but it makes the ride worthwhile.
 
Age is just a number and mine is unlisted.
 
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
 
The first Ten Commandments are the hardest.
 
A retired husband is a wife's full time job.
 
Heredity is something parents comfortably believe in, if they have a bright child.
 
Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!
 
Happiness is the place between too little and too much.
 
Circular arguments often make the rounds.
 
Even at a Mensa convention, someone is the dumbest person in the room.
 
When in doubt. . . mumble.
 
Money can't buy everything . .but then again, neither can no money.
-------------------------------
 [ send green star]
 
 December 08, 2005 5:20 PM

This is a girls
joke!!!!!!



Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake,
happened to end up in a man's head.


She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.


"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no
answer.


Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at
the top of her voice,


"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"




Then she heard a faint voice from far away......................


"We're down here ....."
 [ send green star]
 
THANKS ANGEL - I LIKE IT!! November 29, 2005 10:37 PM

Biblical Theme Songs
Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses: "The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Esau: "Born To Be Wild"
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"



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 November 29, 2005 1:08 PM

What kind of key can't unlock any door?
A monkey!!

(From Cracker Jack!)
a little recovering addict humor.
 [ send green star]
 
 November 28, 2005 3:19 PM

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

 

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 401. Please
be careful!"

 

"Hun," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

 
 [ send green star]
 
anonymous  November 28, 2005 7:47 AM

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small notebooks?"

"Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."

The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"

"Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.

The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"

The manager shrugs, "Sorry."

"Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman.

"Nope. Don't have that."

"My God!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you should close the damn store!"

The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key."

 

 [report anonymous abuse]
 
 November 27, 2005 3:19 PM

Back then...
...A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show, a window was something you hated to clean, and ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend, and gig was something you did on stage for money; now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment, a program was a TV show, a cursor used profanity, and a keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age, a CD was a bank account...
Compress was something you did to the garbage, not something you did to a file, and if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire, hard drive was a long trip on the road, a mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocketknife, paste you did with glue, a web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead.


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 November 25, 2005 4:02 PM

A skunk family was cornered by a pack of wolves.

 

The mama skunk said to her babies, "Let us spray."

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anonymous  November 24, 2005 4:34 PM

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing.  One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice.  The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is.
 
'mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm' is the reply.
 
'I'm sorry, what did you say?'
 
'mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm' the successful fisherman repeats.
 
'I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you.'
 
The man spits something into his hand and says very clearly, 'You've got to keep your worms warm.'
 [report anonymous abuse]
 
anonymous Chocolate November 22, 2005 5:36 AM

Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
 
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
 
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.
 
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
 
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?
 [report anonymous abuse]
 
 November 19, 2005 2:10 PM

A
lawyer awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation, and found that the
curtains were drawn around him.



"Why
are the curtains closed?" he asked. "Is it night?"



A
nurse replied, "No, it is just that there is a fire across the street, and we
didn't want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."

-------------------------


 [ send green star]
 
 November 19, 2005 11:44 AM

Computer Term Dictionary

 


586: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."

Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."



Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI (pronounced "gooey"): What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.


Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

 [ send green star]
 
 November 18, 2005 10:47 PM

Why is it hard to have a conversation with a goat?

 

It's always butting in.

 

 

What do dentists call their x-rays?

 

Tooth Pics.

 

 

What did the mother buffalo say to her son before she left?

 

Bison.

 

What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

 

Fingernails!

 

 

What is at the end of everything?

 

The letter g.

 

 

What do you call a pig that does karate?

 

Pork chop.

 

 

How do you turn soup into gold?

 

Add 24 carrots.

 

 

How do you spell mousetrap with three letters?

 

C- A- T

 

 

What do you call a computer superhero?

 

A screen saver.

 [ send green star]
 
anonymous  November 15, 2005 2:11 PM

 
AIRLINE HUMOR AT ITS BEST
 Pilot and Maintenance

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
maintenance solutions recorded (marked with an M) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.  (Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.  Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs, and for all of us who recognize that a degree does not confer common sense, or the ability to communicate effectively.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
 M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.

And the best one for last ..................
P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 [report anonymous abuse]
 
anonymous Thanksgiving Humor November 13, 2005 12:09 PM

How To Cook A Turkey
 
 
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for hours
Step 14: Test the lurkey for numbness
Step 15: Take the oven out of the lurkey
Step 16: Floor the lurkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself nuther scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
 
 [report anonymous abuse]
 
anonymous ...glad you enjoyed it, Roz! November 10, 2005 10:40 PM

Little Bonnie became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.

Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

 


 [report anonymous abuse]
 
 November 10, 2005 2:22 PM

  THANKS MARY - I LIKE THAT ONE!  [ send green star]
 
anonymous  November 10, 2005 2:14 PM

A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, "Just so you know, I never want tolive in a vegetative state dependent on some machine.  If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
"Ok," says his wife as she gets up and unplugs the TV.
 
 
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 November 10, 2005 2:11 AM

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 November 06, 2005 12:40 PM



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 November 03, 2005 5:30 PM

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?


2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles
are always white?


3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?


4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?


5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "oneslice"? How
many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that
slot?


6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the
vacuum one more chance?


7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first
try?


8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?


9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your
clothes would they eventually just disappear?


10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?"
When, it isn't all right .


11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over?


12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash
pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?


13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer
when we complained about the heat?


14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?


15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your
wife told you to do it?
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 November 02, 2005 4:21 PM

Internet Sayings
* Home is where you hang your @.
* The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
* A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
* You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
* Great groups from little icons grow.
* Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
* C: is the root of all directories.
* Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
* Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
* The modem is the message.
* Too many clicks spoil the browse.
* The geek shall inherit the web.
* A chat has nine lives.
* Don't byte off more than you can view.
* Fax is stranger than fiction.
* What boots up must come down.
* Windows will never cease.
* Virtual reality is its own reward.
* Modulation in all things.
* A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
* There's no place like home.com.
* Know what to expect before you connect.

* Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
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LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE October 30, 2005 2:47 AM



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