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THE DAILY LAUGH - JOKES, CARTOONS, ETC. #4 - CLOSED
1 year ago

Bored?   Wan'na enjoy your day a little bit more? 

It's good to laugh, so how about posting a funny joke, cartoon or article that might make our friends chuckle.  As you know, "Laughter is the best medicine"!!

Here's the link to #3 thread for those who haven't caught up, yet.

http://www.care2.com/c2c/groups/disc.html?gpp=7846&pst=1427358

1 year ago

Last post from thread #3








__________________
Yesterday is history. Today is a gift. Tomorrow... is a mystery.
1 year ago

Oops, sorry guys! I thought Wendy's was the last post but I see that there are two more. Here they are....

1 year ago
Wonderful Wendy and Sandi

June - some of those are quite effective - others - well - I'd run!

Thanks ya'll

1 year ago

1 year ago

Save this for when you need a good laugh.  Ironic photos...

http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=6169&memberid=762877#.U3e0YSi7x8E

The worst drivers made stupid mistakes

http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=6186&memberid=762877#.U3e2fCi7x8E

Joke: The Church Bells... (Adult)
 
Nancy just received terrible news. Her beloved grandfather just passed away. She went straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 92 year old grandmother and offer her some comfort.

When she asked how her grandfather died, her grandmother replied, "It was a heart attack, he got it while we were  making love Saturday morning."

Horrified, Nancy told her grandmother that 2 people nearing 100 years of age having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

1 year ago

Joke: Looking for the Right Size... (adult)
 
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom."

Lady 1: "Where'd you get it?"

Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day, the first lady hobbled into the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a package of condoms.

The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, in her 80s), but politely asked what size and brand she preferred.

"Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits a Camel."
...................................

Badly Translated product names

http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=6291&memberid=762877#.U3fJxyi7x8E

Kids wrote letters to God

http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=6297&memberid=762877#.U3fK-yi7x8E

Hilarious voice mail messages

http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=6356&memberid=762877#.U3fTzyi7x8F

1 year ago

Sue hilarious,  I had to read the "camel" joke twice he he he.
Lynn I love the dog, my alsation used to do that, when ants were around, I used to laugh , while calling him in away from them , so funny xxxxxx

                                  aaaahhhhhh

                     Wh...Why Did He Just Poke Me?

1 year ago

Sue, I have to come back and look at all the videos. The jokes were hilarious....I laughed out loud at all of them. Thanks so much.

Wendy, thank you for this delicious gif. I want that kitty so much. Look at the bewilderment on the adorable face with the big eyes. I'm in love and I can't stop looking at it!

1 year ago




1 year ago

This doesn't really fit anywhere, but is fun to look at.  See what happens at harvest time in Japan

http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=5915&memberid=762877#.U3jdfyi7x8E

This definitely belongs here, laugh out loud funny, signs your summer is just too  HOT!

http://www.ba-bamail.com/Article.aspx?emailid=5026

1 year ago

There were almost 500 Baba-mail emails to go through, so many posts of the best of the best will be appearing.  Here is another naughty joke...

Gone Too Far...
 
A newlywed couple gets a special present for their nuptials: A brand new sports car.  As they leave the wedding, they are so excited they drive faster than they ever had.
 
"Faster! Faster!!" Yells the new bride.

"I'll make you a deal." Says the groom with a smile. "If I do 200mph, you take off your dress. Deal?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous wife.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off her dress.          

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car soon skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was fine, but the groom got jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her private area, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My husband's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do... he's in too far."................

Now it's time to see how easy it is for our brains to be tricked into thinking we see what we do not see.

http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=6119&memberid=762877#.U3jjdCi7x8E

1 year ago

The Nuns of St. Norton!
 
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. NORTON
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign which says:

SISTERS OF ST. NORTON
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST, NORTON
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. NORTON

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks,

"What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man,

"Please knock on this door."

He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs,

"Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."

He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. NORTON................

The Bathtub Test...
 
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a Long-Term Care Home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," he said. "A normal person would pull the plug."

"Do you want a bed near the window?"

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON … OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

1 year ago

These are all great - thanks ya all - and adore the camel one!

OH NO CHEEKY LITTLE DOG !!!
1 year ago

1 year ago

OMG! I don't think I have ever seen a kitty with eyes that big! Love the dog sticking his head under his leg    Those poor big dogs! That little one got them all!


1 year ago

Photo

1 year ago

Photo

Photo: LOL, Marietta!<br />
<br />
#TeamCatMojo

Photo: At least you're up - Paul & Woods

sorry but this made me laugh out loud, -have I got a dark sense of humour?

Photo: I love to do this!    Jay Stoneman Stone

1 year ago

Photo: Ha!!! Sounds like a plan... <img src= ~Heather">

Photo: Things just add up better on The River <img src=">

1 year ago

 photo hD227411D_zpsa0b140c6.jpg

1 year ago

 photo 1510707_390885734390383_1893529837_n_zps4a01a974.jpg

1 year ago

Deb - hi - don''t think I would hang around that goat that long!

Wendy - those are a crackup - thanks.

Sandi - love em!

NOW WHO IS A COPY CAT? he he he
1 year ago

1 year ago

I love this picture Wendy!  Thank you.

Hello Lynn, Cheryl, Wendy, Mary, June, Val, Sandi, Deb, Sue and anyone I missed. 

Love and big hugs. 

Barb, Baby, Beenie

1 year ago

Hi Barbara -   love it Wendy - thanks.

A Bit Deaf
1 year ago

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

 

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, of about 12 inches height, and sets him on the counter.

He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.

He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart.


"Where on earth did you get that?" asked the surprised bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.

This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says:
"Here. Rub it." So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

 

"I will grant you one wish - just one." The bartender gets real excited.
Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!" A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar.
Another duck, then another soon follow it. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, "You know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

The man replies, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"

1 year ago

That is great Lynn - thanks.




This post was modified from its original form on 23 May, 10:40
1 year ago

lol thanks Lynn and val

Oh my gosh this cracked me up , so funny , my son and I couldn't stop laughing
1 year ago

1 year ago

Wendy - that is so so funny - thanls - still laughing!

1 year ago

LOL Wendy Thanks!

1 year ago

Wendy, that was sooo funny. The rooster actually sounded like someone laughing. I'm still laughing!! Thanks.  Now here's another one with different animals making crazy sounds. Enjoy!!

video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kdsxho2Cnog#t=171

1 year ago

Wonderful  Lynn - thanks - always wondered why cats sound so different - now I have to wonder about goat too!  And that parakeet  -is too funny "Don't tough me " and the at white cockatoo?  Thanks for sharing.

1 year ago

1 year ago

1 year ago

Photo: Share the laughs!

1 year ago

Lynn - love the egg one -

And Wendy - that is great -

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus.
 
Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
 
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1955.

Symptoms: 

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. 
Done that! 

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail! 
 
That too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person
.
 
Yep! 

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
 
Aha! 

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
Well darn! 

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
Oh, no not again!  

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
 
And I just hate that! 

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." 
 
Oh No!
 
IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."


Have I already posted this?  Can't remember.

1 year ago

1 year ago

thanks Ladies they are hillarious 

1 year ago

Three Women in a Sauna
1 year ago

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
 THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."

 

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.

 

WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

 

THE OLDER W OMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

 

SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

 

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

 

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........."WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT......I'M GETTING A FAX!!"

This speaks for itself.... lol
1 year ago

1 year ago

Thanks for the laughs everyone, all caught up here again.

Tues. June 10/14
1 year ago



Hee hee hee... so many awesome, gut-tickling videos, gifs, and pics. I still haven't gotten through them all so I have more laughs to come. Thanks for great posts, ladies. Just what we need to keep a healthy mind and exercised stomache!

zz

Cat revenge for such things as poop comments:


cc

I have a stomach ache from laughing at these dumb remarks
1 year ago

The 35 Dumbest Things That Have Ever Happened

This is why we can’t have nice things.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/we-cant-have-nice-things?bffb

1 year ago

A Problematic Race Horse.

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, "ALLLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens - the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me - it's this bloody horse. What is he - deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? You Idiot, he's not deaf - he's BLIND!"

1 year ago

A Problem with the Donkey (adult)

 
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

donkey
Image by Evgeni Dinev / freedigitalphotos.net 
 
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER’S ASS SHOWS.

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER’S ASS OUT IN FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted in shock. When he came to he informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go.

Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.
1 year ago
Joke: Half a Century Later...

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.

"Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago."

"Well," the old lady snickers naughtily, "what do you

old couple

 say, do you think we should get naked?"
 
The two chuckle and proceed to slowly strip to what God gave them. Then they sit back down at the table, staring at each other.  
 
"You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago."

"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"
1 year ago

Thanks for all the great jokes ladies.

1 year ago

These are all great - thanks for sharing - now I need to change my pants - forgot the bathroom first - wops! 

1 year ago

Failure to Communicate


Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' 
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' 
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful.'
1 year ago

The Milking Gear (Adult)

 
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. 

So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.  
 
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'. 

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service hot line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!). 

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" 

"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons. Have a nice day!"


1 year ago

Great jokes Lynn. I couldn't stop laughing at those poor soldiers.

1 year ago

This is a true story that happened to me on Monday this week.  Received an email with this warning.

Tech Support Pits
From: Adela
Re: Can you return to older versions of Gmail?
Dear Webby Is there a way to return to older versions of Gmail from the days, before the North Koreans took it over?
Adela

Dear Adela Unfortunately that is impossible. The North Korean dicks, ahem, I mean dicktaters, do the censorship at their end. You are just a visitor, and have no voice. The search for a usable alternative to Gmail continues. Have FUN! DearWebby


Just found this out.  Don't think I want gmail... (this was her comment on the story, she had been looking to replace yahoo as her email account)

-----------------------

Obviously I thought it was part of a joke, but the lady who sent it to me really thought it was real and has now blocked me from sending her emails.  Tried to tell her gmail was originally called google mail and is still owned by Google Inc.  But she remains firmly believing that the North Koreans now own gmail.  You try to educate people............. 

Today I finally had time to track down where she got the info from and it was from this site.  Here is a link to the older posts.  Turns out the woman who writes the newsletter was complaining about the censorship in gmail and compares it to the North Korean  censorship.  There are some extraordinarily beautiful photos on the site, tons of jokes and stupid stories.  It is laugh out loud funny.  I don't think I'll sign up for the newsletter though as I still have almost 500 babamail emails to get through.

http://webby.com/humor/blog/


1 year ago

A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her
swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the
back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to
both of them since their relationship had been purely
platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk
together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where
certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the
problem.

Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German
Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

1 year ago

A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack
of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts
smoking it.

The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't
smoke in here."

The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb
that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?"

And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also
sell condoms here."

1 year ago

Lynn, thanks a million for all the laughs watching the guardsmen video and reading all those silly tweets people sent.  Laughed so hard I cried buckets!  This thread always cheers me up.

1 year ago

Those are great - thanks -

Sue I would have thought that a joke too - wow!


1 year ago
Jesus is Watching You.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a jewelry box to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. After just a few seconds, clear as a bell, he heard "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."


1 year ago

Wonderful Lynn - will try and post some later - having difficulty right now and things to do



This post was modified from its original form on 15 Jun, 5:54
1 year ago

From a friend -

A married man is having an affair

With his secretary.

 

One day they went to her place

And made love all afternoon.

 

Exhausted, they fell asleep

And woke up at 8 PM.

 

The man hurriedly dressed

And told his lover to take his shoes

Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

 

He put on his shoes and drove home.

 

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

 

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

 

'I'm having an affair with my secretary..

We had sex all afternoon.'

 

She looked down at his shoes and said:

 

'You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!'



1 year ago

nother -

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters

But always talked about having a son.

 

They decided to try one last time

For the son they always wanted.

 

The wife got pregnant

And delivered a healthy baby boy.

 

The joyful father rushed to the nursery

To see his new son.

 

He was horrified at the ugliest child

He had ever seen.

 

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can

Be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

 

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

'No, not this time!'

1 year ago

Another - had trouble posting these so did them separately.

A mortician was working late one night.

 

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,

About to be cremated,

And made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part

He had ever seen!

 

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician

Commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated

With such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.'

 

So, he removed it,

Stuffed it into his briefcase,

And took it home.

 

'I have something to show

You won't believe,' he said to his wife,

Opening his briefcase.

 

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,

'Schwartz is dead!'

1 year ago

 

A woman was in bed with her lover

When she heard her husband

Opening the front door.

 

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

 

She rubbed baby oil all over him,

Then dusted him with talcum powder.

 

'Don't move until I tell you,'

She said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

 

'What's this?' the husband inquired

As he entered the room..

 

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.

'The Smiths bought one and I liked it

So I got one for us, too.'

 

No more was said,

Not even when they went to bed.

 

Around 2 AM the husband got up,

Went to the kitchen and returned

With a sandwich and a beer.

 

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smiths

And nobody offered me a damned thing..'

1 year ago

 

 

 A man walked into a cafe,

Went to the bar and ordered a beer.

 

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

 

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed...

 

He glanced at the menu and asked:

'How much for a nice juicy steak

And a bottle of wine?'

 

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

 

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.

'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

 

The bartender replied:

'Upstairs, with my wife.'

 

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs

With your wife?'

 

The bartender replied:

'The same thing I'm doing

To his business down here.'

1 year ago

The 6th & Best Affair

 

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

 

He looked up and said weakly:

'I have something I must confess.'

 

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

 

'No,' he insisted,

'I want to die in peace..

I slept with your sister, your best friend,

her best friend, and your mother!'

 

'I know,' she replied.

'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

1 year ago

Where Should We Go for Our Birthday?

Three women share a birthday and always celebrate it together.

For their 40th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the waiters are cute and wear tight pants.

For their 50th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable and it has a good wine list.

For their 60th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its quiet and has a nice view.

For their 70th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its wheelchair accessible.

For their 80th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because they've never been there before.

1 year ago

That's great Lynn - let's go!  have we been there??  hehehe

BIZARRE HEADLINE!
1 year ago

funny headline

1 year ago

Val, that doggie sure knows how to get himself a snack!! lol

1 year ago

Thanks for all the laughs ladies.  Really needed them after the last few weeks of non-stop mayhem around here.

1 year ago

This headline and the very short article it leads to made me laugh out loud today.

http://www.ctvnews.ca/world/vagina-sculpture-in-germany-traps-u-s-student-1.1881893

1 year ago

Lynn - I wouldn't want to be that dogs owner!  The dog is too smart.  

Sue - that link is a crack up - can just imagine the "names" going around for that kid -

A friend posted this in another group -

The Lost Keys...

After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys.   I quickly gave myself a personal "TSA Pat Down."  
They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.  Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.   My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition.   He's afraid that the car could be stolen.   As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right.   The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband:
"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen!"
                                         
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice.  "Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off!" 

Now it was my turn to be silent.  
Embarrassed, I said, "Well, can you please come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!" 

Welcome to the GOLDEN YEARS ..............
1 year ago

Just pretend like I'm not here. *

1 year ago
This is why men don't vacuum!
 

 

1 year ago

love them all ladies i'm laughing out loud  by myself  i think the doggies think i'v lost it 

1 year ago

Wendy - great cat - and the vacuum - so so true!  Thanks,

1 year ago
A Cup of Coffee (Adult)

An elderly lady went to the doctor and asked his help in reviving her husband’s sex drive. “Why don’t you give him Viagra?” the doctor asks.

“Oh, no,” the woman replies. “He doesn't even take aspirin for a headache.”

“That’s not a problem,” the doctor tells her. “Just crush up the pill and slip it into his coffee. He’ll never even know.”

Several days later, the old woman returns to the doctor, and he asks her if his suggestions worked.

“Oh, Doctor!” she exclaims. “It was horrible! I did just as you said and as soon as he finished his coffee, he jumped up from the table,
ripped off my clothes and took me right there on the table, we made love for a whole hour!!”



“And that was horrible?” the doctor asked, puzzled.



“Oh, the sex was wonderful!” the old woman exclaimed. “But I can never show my face in that coffee shop again!"
1 year ago

Lynn, still laughing at your joke!

1 year ago

Val, great key joke.

1 year ago

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1 year ago

Ladies, you're all posting such great jokes, videos and pictures and I thank you for that. For those of you who don't post, just enjoy the laughter!

Speaking of enjoying, I hope you enjoy this....

This Sweet Old Man Has More Sass than Anyone Expected...

This 84 year old man just surprised everyone, and made them holler with laughter! Click Here to Watch

1 year ago

Sandi, good one.

Lynn, I did enjoy the video.

1 year ago

Thanks a million Lynn, my neighbours must wonder what I get up to hearing the howls of laughter coming through the open windows.  It is always the naughty jokes that make us laugh the loudest.  Sandi, I disturb my friends all the time, have to give them a break from reality every now and then.  Thanks for all the smiles and laughs ladies.

1 year ago

1 year ago

Good one Lily.

I hope this posts.
1 year ago

 

 

Path to Inner Peace
1 year ago

1 year ago

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:


I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous  but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in   high school. 

1 year ago
This Parrot Does an Incredible Imitation (adult).

Do you know all those jokes about parrots that heard something and then said it at the worst possible time? This is the real version of it. This fluffy little guy heard something he wasn’t supposed to, and much like any other parrot, he repeats it. What makes this video really hilarious is the little dance he does as he mimics the sounds he heard, the "gentle love song" of his owners. 

Warning: If you get 
easily embarrassed, this video may not be for you.


1 year ago

Lynn this is a hilarious parrot!!!  LOL LOL! 

I got a little embarrassed but that's ok.

1 year ago

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1 year ago

 Stripes did not like the parrot video, she ran from the room. LOL.

1 year ago

Sandi - Bootsie ignored the parrot and the dog - cute -

Lynn - love the earrings - the parrot is a literal crack-up - but I am now off to finish a few things -   Thanks for the idea

1 year ago

1 year ago

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1 year ago

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1 year ago

Great Lynn - sure sounds like a girl -

After I saw a few of these jokes the last week - I had NOT allowed my dog to lick my face since~

1 year ago
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
 

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?
1 year ago

http://youtu.be/-K-zDK4wrI4This footage is absolutely incredible, and there’s not much I can say aside from MAKE SURE YOU WATCH THIS UNTIL THE VERY END! I promise you, it is absolutely worth it

This post was modified from its original form on 14 Jul, 2:43

1 year ago

Funny Lily -

Cheryl - smart puppy dog!

thank you both - time to do the dishes

1 year ago

This is so funny. Enjoy!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10203403050471365

1 year ago

After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.  In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 

'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder ...' 
 
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it. 

His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror. 

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's running around with.'  

1 year ago

Have to share the joke Lynn and get this - was watching the FB one and didn't see the names at the top - until the end so had to start all over again - that dud need HELP!

1 year ago

http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/dog-on-way-to-starbucks-funny-animals1.jpg" border="0">

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