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Jersey humor May 10, 2006 6:21 AM

Put your Jersey-specific jokes and humor here!

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 May 10, 2006 6:21 AM

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him.  The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.

"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Jack asked.

"Oh man...I've been transferred to New Jersey,"
the other guy answered, "New Jersey's full of crazy people, and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..."

"Hold on," Jack interrupted, "I've lived in New Jersey all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says.  Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you.  I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's okay, I'll take your word for it.  By the way, what do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck in Bayonne."

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 May 10, 2006 6:32 AM

I don't have any Jersey jokes. But I am going to find some now, just for this thread

~natalie~

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Jersey jokes May 10, 2006 6:35 AM

How many people from New Jersey does it take to change alight bulb?

Two. One to screw it in. One to off any witnesses.

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You know you're from Jersey when... May 10, 2006 6:39 AM

You know you're from Jersey when..


You've been seriously injured at Action Park.

You know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York (usually The Bronx) or Texas.

You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges."

You know that it's called "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags."

You've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.

You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am.

Whenever you park, there's a Camaro within three spots of you.

You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.

You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.

You know what a "jug handle" is.

You know that a WaWa is a convenience store.

You know that the state isn't all farmland.

You know that there are no "beaches" in new Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway."

You know that "Piney" isn't referring to a tree.

Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and, you call it a "sub" not a "submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagy" or a "hero."

You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.

You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.

You knew that the last question had to do with driving.

You know that "Acme" is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation.

You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire (doesn't work, does it?).

You know how to translate this conversation: "Jeet yet?" "No, Jew?"

You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The City."

You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.

You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege.

In the 80's you wore your hair REALLY high.

You don't think "What exit" (do you live near?) is very funny.

You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.

You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.

You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall.

You've eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.

You have a favorite Atlantic City casino.

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.

Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony.

You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood.

You weren't raised in New Jersey -- you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey.

You don't consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.

You remember the stores Korvette's, Two Guys, Rickel's, Channel, Bamberger's and Orbach's.

You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.

You've never pumped your own gas.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Jersey.

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 May 10, 2006 6:49 AM

Jane, I have heard that one before, only it was related to italians (I'm italian).

Toni, Those were great. I could very easily relate to the great majority of them!

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 May 10, 2006 11:52 AM

I never heard Jane's before. Love it!

One thing that list is missing is, "...you know the sound of the Raceway Park commercial's laugh." You know you do....

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actually found this in another group... May 15, 2006 2:05 PM


Anjee has received 87 new, 2015 total stars from Care2 membersAnjee has been awarded 1094 butterflies for taking action at Care2Anjee has 1 Golden Notes. Anjee R.

 
YOU GOTTA LOVE JERSEY WOMEN!!

A woman from New Jersey and another woman were seated side-by-side on an
airplane.

The woman from New Jersey, being friendly and all, said: "So, where are you
from?"

The other woman said, "From a place where they know better than to use a
preposition at the end of a sentence."

The woman from New Jersey sat quietly for a moment and then replied:
"So, where are you from, bitch?"
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 May 17, 2006 10:03 AM

Yeah, I'm Italian, too, so I know the joke is interchangeable, but then again, we all had at least one kid named Tony in our class. And a couple of Vinnies and Dominics. And an Angela and two Marias.  And I love that list of "you know you're from Jersey."  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
South Jersey May 17, 2006 8:31 PM

111. Your know where harding highway is.

110. One of your favorite X-File Episodes is the one about the Jersey Devil.

109. In South Jersey, you don't "go to the beach", you go "down the shore".

108.You remember Santana wailing on guitar in a lightning storm at the Atlantic City Race Track in the 1970's.

107. In your mind you hear "watch out for the tram car please" even in your sleep.
106. Hy Lit, Joe Niagra, & Jerry Blavat; are normal household words.
105. You go out for corn and tomatoes in the summer and make dinner out of it.
104. You've had arguments over cheesesteak quality.
103. When it snows more than an inch, you call it a blizzard.
102. You remember when the Silver Fox Tavern was really a restaurant.

101. You are related to half of the local farmers.

100. You still say you are going shopping at Jamesway.

99. You know all of the "back roads" to get everywhere and prefer them to the expressway.

98. Your neighbor's house was forclosed after an unlucky night in Atlantic City.
97. You know someone named Siprasiut Xayapachan.
96. You've actually found the Echelon Mall.
95. Your uncle is in the mafia.
94. You have Lyme Disease.
93. You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country.
92. You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them.
91. You think a mountain is any landform taller than your house.
90. You know what became of the 13th Leeds child, and claim to have seen him one time while peeing in the woods.
89. You stay away from Getty and BP, and stick with Mobil and Gulf.
88. You know what a "shoe-bie" is and can pick one out at the beach.
87. One time you were driving in the woods and got stuck in sand.
86. You have an EZ Pass, but you just hold it up.
85. You live next to an inpenetrable swamp.
84. You go to Delaware to buy smokes.
83. Even though there's a new Wal-Mart in your town, you still go to the Berlin Farmers Market for cheap stuff.
82. Your neighborhood demonstrates co-existence of African-Americans and racist rednecks.
81. To you, "gravel" means orange dirt.
80. You love hockey, and have been to a Flyers or Devils game.
79. You know that you should get the hell out of Camden before dark.
78. You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy.

77. Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April ann May.
76. You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite.
75. You can smell and know when it's low tide.
74. F-16s buzz your house at like 150 feet.
73. You remember the bad gypsy moth years.
72. The Eagles/Giants rivalry has started fights at your school and/or local bar.
71. You eat at restaurants that have locations I, II, III, IV, and V.
70. You get excited when you see Chopper 6, and you can hum thae Action News song.
69. You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the beverage.
68. Honesty, sincerity, and courtesy are things you once saw happen in Ohio.
67. You know that you don't put ketchup on boardwalk fries.
66. You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.
65. You get three 50's in a row when you play skeeball.
64. You live in Cape May, but you still won't take the ferry because it's too expensive and crowded.
63. You think the Olive Garden is a bunch of crap and should not open restaurants in South Jersey.
62. You've hung out at a gravel pit.
61. You worked at a blueberry farm when you were 13.
60. You played soccer from Kindergarten through high school.
59. You've counted the number of titty bars on the Black Horse Pike.
58. You always went to the Franklin Institute when you were a kid.
57. You've run out of money on the Parkway.
56. You know what "cedar water" is.
55. Your middle school hangout was the mall.
54. You have an unusable, piece-of-%#&!*% boat in your front yard.
53. You once skipped school and went to Wildwood.
52. You're Italian.
51. You know where to get the best bagel.
50. You've called someone an "asshole" to their face at the Philly airport.
49. Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local paper.
48. You say "water" weird.
47. You have pine trees, holly trees, and mountain laurel in your yard.
46. You had a sandbox.
45. Even your school made good Italian subs.
44. You've almost fallen asleep on the Expressway.
43. You've rented a house in Stone Harbor before.
42. You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake or volcano.
41. You can point to the two closest nuclear plants.
40. You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.
39. You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.
38. You packed up the family on a Sunday and went to Cowtown Rodeo.
37. You never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur.
36. You once shot a whiporwhill on a summer night at 3 A.M.
35. You take day trips to New York City.
34. The mafia runs half the businesses in your town.
33. You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law.
32. In the woods behind your house, you can find couches, washing machines, and shoes.
31. You don't have to go to red lobster to get fresh seafood.
30. You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year.
29. You know how to pronouce "Buena" on Route 40.
28. You've made a meal out of Tastycakes, Herr's BBQ potato chips, and Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer.

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cont'd May 17, 2006 8:33 PM

27. You know the Atlantic City High School marching band can lay down some phat beats.
26. You've pondered, "Maybe basketball would be more popular in South Jersey if the 76ers and the Nets didn't blow."
25. You watch Evening Magazine.
24. You remember when Rowan was Glassboro State and TCNJ was Trenton State.
23. You remember Channel 48, Boss 97, Eagle 106, and Harvey in the Morning.
22. You know New Years is all about the Mummers and the Polar Bear club.
21. You smoke Parliament Lights.
20. You go to the local Fire Department barbeque in June.
19. Down the road, in the middle of nowhere, is an Egyptian restaurant and a custard stand with a minature golf course.
18. You know what custard is in South Jersey.
17. You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring!)
16. In high school, you worked at a Friendly's.
15. Route 206 doesn't freak you out at night.
14. Because your town was founded before 1776, all the restaurants, taverns, and shops have "ye", "olde", and "colonial" in their names.
13. One time, a sea gull %#&!*% all over your head.
12. You talk to the guy at the dump.
11. You once said, "It smells like Philadelphia in here."
10. You've waited for the goddamn drawbridge for more than ten minutes.
9. You even swam in the ocean after the hypodermic needle scare.
8. Your mom still loves Bruce Springsteen.
7. You know it can be 70 degrees in January.
6. There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road.
5. "Anyone who makes bad pizza can go to hell" is your attitude.
4. Somewhere along the line, someone was really screwed you over in a business transaction.
3. You often use variations of the "F-word" while driving.
2. You will always say "YO", and you'll say it often.
1. You don't take any %#&!*% from anybody.

some of these are repeats, and some don't apply, but at least 20 of them I can relate to personally...

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 May 19, 2006 6:43 PM

And some of them relate to North, too, except for the ones about flat and, of course, the Northernmost Wawa is in Flemington.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
How New Jersey are you? May 17, 2007 3:32 PM

You Are 100% New Jersey!
 

Wow, you're totally Jersey. There's no doubt about it. Congratulations, and always be proud to be Jersey--it's a great thing to be!


Check it out:  http://www.gotoquiz.com/how_new_jersey_are_you


Have fun! 

Bev


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 April 13, 2010 7:44 PM

They were really good.  I've heard some and others were new to me.  Thanks.

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