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anonymous Humor March 27, 2007 1:24 PM

A is for Apple, and B is for Boat, That used to be right, But now it won't float! Age before Beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
 
Now A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac? D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
 
F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention. H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show.
 
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
 
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow! P for prescription's, I have quite a few, Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
 
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R for reflux, one meal turns to two. S for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
 
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow; V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know. W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found.
 
Y is another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind; I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed , and I've kept twenty-six doctors fully employed.
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anonymous  March 27, 2007 1:28 PM

E xercise Routine

If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.


Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!



SCROLL DOWN............





































NOW SCROLL UP..
That's enough for the first day.

Great job.

Have a glass of wine
.
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anonymous  April 24, 2007 8:21 PM

LIFE EXPLAINED

One day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."



The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed.



On the next day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."



The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God agreed.



On the next day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."



The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life. You want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again.



Then on the next day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."



But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"



"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."



So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.



Life has now been explained to you.
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anonymous  May 04, 2007 8:47 PM

Subject: Tick warning

This could really save you!!

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times... but this one is real, and it's important so
please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:

If people come to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warming weather and ask you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!!    IT IS A SCAM!!

They only want to see you naked ... Geez, I wish I'd gotten this yesterday.   I feel so stupid......

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anonymous  June 03, 2007 6:57 PM

Power tripping with the wrong people
 
The front desk people at the doctor's office always ask why you are there, and you must answer -- in front of all -- what's wrong, and sometimes it is embarrassing. I love the way this old guy handled it:

An 89 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
  
"There's something wrong with my penis", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and hissed, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."  

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.  

The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."   

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.  

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.  The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.  

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"
  
"I can't pee out of it," he replied.  The waiting room erupted in laughter.

 

Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose
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anonymous  August 11, 2007 6:08 AM

CONCERNED ABOUT

For those of you who watch what you eat,
here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth
after all those conflicting
nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers
and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION


Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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