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 April 15, 2008 4:31 PM


Everything is really full of love for you...

The good that is for you Loves you as much as you Love it.


The good that is for you seeks you & will come flying to you


If you see that what you love is love itself.


All people will change when you know that they are Love.


We shall change toward all people when we know that we ourselves are formed out of Love.
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 May 22, 2007 8:52 AM

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 May 21, 2007 3:49 PM

To all the members, let get this group going again!!!!!!!!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Where is everyone ??? January 01, 2007 7:21 PM

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anonymous  November 25, 2006 8:39 PM

glowworm_1_.gif  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
New Member.... October 13, 2006 5:48 PM

Wishing everyone a wonderfull weekend......

Field of Dreams Poster

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anonymous  October 05, 2006 7:17 AM

card_1925_r.jpeg

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Smiles to all August 14, 2006 7:36 PM

A Smile For  You

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 August 08, 2006 1:41 PM

The Cardiologists Funeral
 
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.  A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
 
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral...I'm a gynecologist."
 
And at that point, the proctologist fainted.
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 July 27, 2006 11:16 PM

Yup!  Somewhere there's a billboard...

southern comfort.jpg

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 July 27, 2006 11:13 PM

OK, OK... Time for some wholesome humor...
Mr-n-Mrs carrot.jpg
Mrs. and Mr. Carrot
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 July 27, 2006 11:07 PM

Ever have one of those moments, where you want to be able to walk down the card aisle at the Hallmark, and find what you really would like to say?!

cardisle.jpg

(if this gets pulled, I'll understand)

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anonymous  July 25, 2006 9:42 AM

recently an airplane was going to crash and the pilot informed the passengers they had aprox twenty minutes.

a woman stands up and starts explaining she has never been with a man or been married and wants to know the experience before she dies. a tall muscluar man stands up and asks are you shure about that?

the woman saying yes, the man starts takeing off his shirt you are sure ya want to know whats its like to be married? the woman again yes. the man now standing there with shirt in hand says fine, tosses the shirt at her and says see if you can get this ironed and pressed be fore we hit the ground.

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Did someone say, "Make me smile?" July 25, 2006 8:59 AM

Due to inexcusable oversight, this button was missing from my keyboard...

specialcomp1.gif


Oh, and who could forget this important announcement from the AMA?

WARNING

         

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anonymous  July 21, 2006 8:09 AM

well, ive been asked to make an anoucement for kat  do to tech probs she may be mia for a while. she of course will be thinking of every one as she often does. I am sure any pos energy or prayers her way would be apreciated, thank you very much  [ send green star]  [ flag for review]  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
HA-HA July 20, 2006 10:07 PM

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 July 20, 2006 9:11 PM

Here's One Great Way to Exercise...He Needs Exercise  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 July 20, 2006 5:39 AM

                  Pirate Joke 

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?

"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch"?

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first day with the hook."
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 July 20, 2006 5:28 AM

Biker20Chicks.jpg  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 July 18, 2006 10:00 PM

greenshootingstar.gif

Nicely done Paula!!!!!!

Got some more now don't cha........don't be shy now!   I can just tell there are some wicked good senses of humor  waiting to come out & play.

whatcha waitin for?????

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 July 18, 2006 6:55 PM

                                                              I hope no one get's offended, but I thought this was funny  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 July 18, 2006 6:28 PM

 

gee that sounds familiar  

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 July 14, 2006 1:24 PM

That's what I'm talkin about!!

too funny!

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anonymous  July 11, 2006 10:07 AM

a groups of nuns were driving down the highway at 22mph.people were blowing their horns and yelling.it created quite a stir. a trooper pulled them over. the driver was a little thing of eighty years.the nuns in the back were quiet,shaking,and turning white.the trooper asked what the problem was,why was she driving so slow.her reply was the sign says 22,officier.so i was obeying the speed,wasn't i?he said,no,that is not the speed limit sign.that is the route you are on.then he asked what was wrong with the others?she replied,they will be fine in a few miutes.we jyust turned off 1o3.  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
Morning Funnies July 10, 2006 3:19 PM

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

-----------------------------------------------------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

-----------------------------------------------------------

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

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anonymous  July 10, 2006 8:19 AM

a married couple are in their beds one night and the wife gets up walks across the room and swats the ole boy up side the head. what was that for he asked?

the wife says 30 years of bad loven

after a period of time the guy gets up walks to the wife and swats her, she sits up and says what was that for

he says knowing the differance

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Friday July 07, 2006 8:39 PM

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour.
The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
"I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing,
Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"
He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend,
And she's a far better lover than you are."
 
 
Again the wife stays quiet,
But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently..

Up to 60.
"I want the car, too," he continues.

65 mph.
"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"


The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
 
 
Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph,
The wife turns to him and smiles.

"The airbag."   
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Murphy's Other Laws: July 03, 2006 9:05 AM

 1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
 
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
 
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
 
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 
5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
 
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
 
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
 
8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
 
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
 
10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
 
11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
 
12. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "June
flower."
 
13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted and used against you.
 
14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
 
15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
 
16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
 
17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
popular?
 
18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
 
19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial
costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.
 
20. Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
 
21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
 
22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to
end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
 
23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
 
24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the
world population.
 
25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
 
26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
 
27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
 
28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
 
29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
 
30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
 
31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
 
32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
 
33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
 
34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
 
35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
 
36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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 July 01, 2006 8:22 AM

Nutrition and LongevityHere's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

  • The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

  • The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

  • The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

  • The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

  • The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and other fatty foods and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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 June 30, 2006 12:39 AM

Chriss is the winner of our Coveted Weird Sense of Humor Award..

4216483.jpg

~We love you Chriss!!

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anonymous you keepa duck June 29, 2006 9:48 AM

a samurai was walking down the road when a duck flew up and he shot it with his bow. the duck fell in a field, after picking up the duck the samurai started across a bridge when an old farmer stopped him asking him where you take my duck, duck fall in my field my duck . samurai says my shot  my duck after a while the old farmer says we settle conflict in the way of ansestors. take turn kicking each other in groin who ever shows less pain keeps duck  samurai agrees and tells the old farmer to go first. the old man kicks the samurai as hard as he can in the groin the samurai's face gets a little red but he shows no pain. after a bit he says your turn to the old man the old farmer looks at the samurai and says  you keepa duck

           OSU!

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 June 29, 2006 8:29 AM

Just getting my morning exercise!

leapingdog.jpg

Come on kids you're a little slow today!!

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anonymous  June 27, 2006 10:46 PM

never squat with your spurs on  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous  June 27, 2006 10:20 PM

oh my shatterd nerves   Kat whay a hoot.  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
 June 27, 2006 9:44 PM


The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director which is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. We offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

OK, here's your test: (Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom to get the answer before taking the test.)

            1. Would you use the spoon?

            2. Would you use the teacup?

            3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon."

"No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."


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Thanks Jazzmin, I had to share!!! June 22, 2006 11:34 AM



SMILING is infectious, You catch it like the flu!
When someone SMILED at me today, I started SMILING too

I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin,

When he SMILED, I realized I'd passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile, then realized its worth,

A single SMILE just like mine could travel 'round the earth.

So if you feel a SMILE begin, don't leave it undetected.

(You never know when somebody just needs to be infected)



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I just thought this was funny, June 20, 2006 9:32 AM

An old cowboy, dressed in a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar, sat down, and ordered a drink.

As he was sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

To which he replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences, so I reckon I am."

After a short while, he asked her what she was.

She replied, "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV. Everything seems to make me think of women."

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.
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 June 20, 2006 8:38 AM

4640monalisa4sf3hg.jpg

This is a picture of Mona Lisa before & after her visit to the US!

AAAGHHHH!

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I found this... so true June 19, 2006 1:56 PM

It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Never lick a steak knife.

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

Your friends love you anyway.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


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 June 18, 2006 1:59 PM

bralds_-_heartwarming_the.jpg  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 June 16, 2006 7:14 PM

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

"Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

~I've seen this going around, I thought it fit.~

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 June 14, 2006 4:21 PM

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the..?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

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 June 14, 2006 8:56 AM

That looks like my Dad from the back!  [ send green star]
(Member Is Blocked)
 
Now that's a sense of humor!!!! June 14, 2006 7:26 AM

Best20Tattoo20of20the20Year.jpg  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
The year is 2222 June 12, 2006 7:21 PM

  Sex On Mars  

Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do."

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says
Maureen. "Why?" he asks. "What's the matter?""Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead,his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it is still narrow."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his
ears.With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways.

As they walked along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any
good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was
wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a
headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.

Badabump!

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Hello***is this thing working! June 12, 2006 7:15 PM

Giraffe.gif  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
I dare you not to giggle... June 12, 2006 7:11 PM

Getting rid of unwanted hair--

   One woman's story...

All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal: the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and now ... The Wax. My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home, fixed dinner for my family and got everyone settled for the night. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours: maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.

I made sure no one would need me and I could head for the bathroom in peace. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart, press it on your leg (or wherever). No muss, no fuss.

How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girliest of girls but I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You'd think. So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the wax. I go one better. I pull out the hair dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass. (Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt me.)

I lay the strip across my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this! So with my next wax strip, I'll move north.

After checking on my beloved family again, I sneak into the bathroom for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.. Using the same procedure, I then apply the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right ass cheek. (Yeah, it was a long strip.)

I inhale deeply. I brace myself. RRRIIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind from the pain! ..... Vision returning. Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip. Another deep breath. And RIIIP! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed. Do I hear crashing drums?

OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy -- my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold medallist.

But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone?

..Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet.

I see hair -- the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently shout

Nooooooo!!

I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake -- up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet.

I know I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on the floor.

And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut.

Ass? Sealed shut.

A little voice in my head says, "I hope you don't have to %#&!*% anytime soon. Your head just might pop off."

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying desperately to figure out what I should do next.

Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in. The wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right?

Wrong.

I get in the tub -- the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment -- and I sit.

Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold w

So now I'm stuck in the tub -- literally!

I call my friend, Liz, because she once dropped out of beauty school so surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's never good to start a conversation with "So my ass and vagina are stuck to the tub."

She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass. "Are we talking cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the giggles now.

I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know. You're going to end up on a radio show or the Internet if you tell them the truth."

While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girlie goodies than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!

In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to Other subjects!) I find the lotion provided with the wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations from Liz and we hang up.

I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the hair is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb by that point anyway.

I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet. Never know when a moustache might start to come in.

Tonight, I attempt hair dying.

Your turn...

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Nuggies till you tell us... June 12, 2006 7:09 PM

Non_20non_20non.gif

 What makes you laugh

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Ladiy or Real Woman June 12, 2006 7:07 PM

LADIES -If you add too much salt when cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant fix-me-up.

REAL WOMEN
- If you over-salt a dish while you're cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me.......The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."


LADIES - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

REAL WOMEN - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have a headache, but who cares.

LADIES - Stuff a miniature marshmallow at the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

REAL WOMEN - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for petes sake. You're probably sitting on your butt on the couch, with your feet up anyway.

LADIES - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

REAL WOMEN -
Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry about the damn potatoes growing arms and legs.

LADIES - When the cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the inside of the cake.

REAL WOMEN - Go to the bakery-- they'll even decorate the son of a bitch for you.

LADIES - Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to
yield a beautiful glossy finish.

REAL WOMEN - Sara Lee frozen freaking pie directions do not include brushing egg whites, so I don't do it.

LADIES - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

REAL WOMEN -
Go ask the very HOT neighbour guy to do it.

LADIES - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casserole and sauces.

REAL WOMEN - Leftover wine?????????

One last thing: A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...BUT, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying ...

"Damn...that was fun"!

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 June 10, 2006 2:14 PM

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Share a laugh, share a smile... June 09, 2006 6:39 PM

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