Post your jokes,comics or funny stories here
hahahaha Lily....that's funny!
A mom calls out to her son "Harry! Wake up! You'll be late for school."
The son replies, "Mom I don't want to go to school! The teachers and students hate me! Give me one reason I should go!"
The mom says back, "You should go because you're the principal!"
This post was modified from its original form on 07 Aug, 16:03
Good one Vicky ,hope you didn't mind me starting this thread as you forgot to do it ,didn't know where else to post.
OMG, you gals are killing me. Those jokes are so funny and it's hard to laugh. Had to do it with my lips closed! lol
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
The answer to that question about Lynn is in the chat thread if you look Vicky
Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
Oh my gosh......where was that guy at exactly???? Eeeeks!
It was a kiddie Vicky
Subject: British humour
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan
Desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a Royal
Marine selling regimental ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to
buy a tie instead? They are only 5 pounds."
The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie.
I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a
tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and
that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill
to the east for about two miles, you will find our Officers Mess. It has all
the ice cold water you need.. "
Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped..
"They won't let me in without a f...ing tie!"
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, ....
"Well, %#&!*%, that explains why no one was at church either.
Great jokes Lily, Vicky and Lynn.
Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Great joke Vicky!
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy" then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".
I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "And where do you think you're going?"
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
Another great joke Vicky.
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
I absolutely love Monty Python skits. They're so silly that you have to laugh out loud.
hahahaha! Funny, Lynn. Pay another 5 minutes? He never paid the first time! lol Yes, he did.....NO he didn't. teehee!
A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"
On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
Love your jokes Vicky.
I love Monty Python's skits too Lynn.
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
Love it Vicky!
I am no good at telling jokes.
Thanks Brenda! Oh I have to go online and search for jokes....I don't know them peronally.