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Kai Engen

"To be happy and fulfilled in life"

Lake City, WA, USA
female, age 40
Speaks: spanish, portuguese, japanese, english
Joined Jun 2, 2006

It's our own asses that need saving
John Cleese's Letter to America.

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as " US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9 . Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese
Personal Professional Contact Singles
Joined Jun 2, 2006 Activist Aspirations Enthusiastic 
Here for Meeting Friends, Support a Cause 
Group Host of none yet
Groups (AGR) A Green Road, Cat Lovers, Defenders of Wildlife, Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund - Electing Pro-Wildlife Leaders, Healthy Cooking, Healthy Living Network,, Mother Jones, NAACP, NPR - National Public Radio, NWF - National Wildlife Federation, Oxfam, PETA - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, Pagans more »
Hometown Middleboro, MA 
Birthday July 29, 1977  
Languages spanish, portuguese, japanese, english  
About Me Fun, outgoing, intellectually stimulated, passionate, spiritual and charged.
  Introduce yourself to Kai
Pets cats  
Activist Aspirations Enthusiastic
Political Leaning Very Liberal
Religions pagan  
Eating Habits cheese, chocolate, garlic, Vegetarian but I eat fish  
Wild Fact About Me
My Philosophy Take care of your Mother!
What Gives Me Hope When I hear someone say kind words to a homeless woman; when I see someone pick up another's trash off the sidewalk; when I see one person helping another; when I see children studying; when I see some one help an animal or do something to prevent an animal or another person from getting hurt... all of these things give me hope and renew my faith in humankind.
If I were Mayor, I'd make the world a better place by If I were Mayor, I would implement a city beautification project, pass measures to control urban sprawl, and enforce stronger environmental standards.
What/who changed my life and why East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I read this for the first time when I was 16 and the biggest thing it taught me was to look beyond the surface into the deeper meanings of things.
What Bugs Me The rat race, people who WON'T use their minds!, people who rape, People claiming friendship that are not!, intolerance, Litter Bugs!!, hypocrisy, George Bush, Drunk Drivers, cruelty, apathy, Any one that would hurt an animal, any one that would hurt a woman, Any one  
Passions fire, Energy Healing And Love, genealogy, broadening my horizons, making a difference, traveling, writing, water, trees, spirituality, photography, other cultures, nature, mythology, my friends, music, love, Life - it's a blast, learning, laughter, environment, earth, cats, boo  
Inspirations life itself, healers, happiness, good people, cat, ocean, understanding, some of my teachers, the wind, rain, the sound of the ocean, the sun coming up, to fulfill my purpose on earth, The Great Spirit, the beauty of nature, People waking and seeing their own light, peac  
What Scares Me War - Cruelty - Greed - Indifference, religious fanatics, rape, Religious Extremism, moral direction of our society, Is how cruel the people of the world are, Ignorance and evil, Horror films, hate, George Bush, cruel people, Criminals that are young and violent, apa  
Role Models Scott Cunningham, Albert Einstein, Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks, Dalai Lama  
Quotation Only when the power love overcomes the love of power will the world know peace. -Jimi Hendrix
Interests wildlife, Travel/Adventure, Spirituality/Philosophy, recycling, reading, photography, philosophy, pets, national parks, music, Mythology / Folklore, Mind/Body/Spirit, meditation, libraries, humor, Holistic Health, history, herbs, gardening, environment, ecology, crafts, Body/P  
Books Pagan Spirituality, Ly De Angeles, Noam Chomsky, History, Ethnographies, unusual or very old cookbooks, spirituality, Harry Potter Series, fantasy  
Music Fleetwood Mac, Jackson Browne, Beethoven's 9th Symphony, Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, John Rutter's Childrens Mass, Bartok's Bluebeard's Castle, Janacek's Glagolitic Mass, Brahm's - Ein Deutsches Requiem, Stabbingback, Alias Real, Dido, Steppenwolf, Lynnyrd Skynnyrd, S  
Movies The Craft, Meet the Fockers, Rent, City of Angels, Wizard of Oz, The Princess Bride, the Matrix, The Crow, shrek, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Forrest Gump, Finding Nemo, drama, comedy, action, Amelie  
TV Shows The 4400, The Colbert Report, Stargate SG-1, The West Wing, x-files, the Daily Show, That 70's Show, South Park, Scrubs, monk, house, Gilmore Girls, Family Guy, er, charmed, Buffy the Vampire Slayer  
Favorite Foods chocolate, Garlic, veggies, tacos, sushi, strawberries, shrimp, seafood, salmon, salad, pasta, pizza, mexican, lasagna, italian, greek, fish, chinese, broccoli, cheese, bread  
Favorite Places Old cemetaries, Old growth forests, Bellingham, Ashland OR, Discovery Park, Seattle, rivers, parks, ocean, nature, My bed, my room, mountains, lakes, home, hawaii, forests, colorado, beach  
Can't Live Without water, sunshine, sleep, shelter, sex, peace, nature, music, love, laughter, hope, friends, freedom, food, computer, chocolate, cats, books, art, animals, air  
  Introduce yourself to Kai
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Americans for T.

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    Mar 11, 2007 10:36 AM

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    Mar 8, 2007 8:27 PM

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    Mar 4, 2007 4:35 PM

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      BE HAPPY ! 

    Feb 24, 2007 9:09 AM

    Marci Marcel S. (326)


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