I'm bad tempered in my old age.I was a very sweet shy child.intimidated by everyone and everything.By the time I had children I felt the need to defend them from people who made racist remarks,like "where did you get them?" or "was this my 2nd or 3rd marriage?" since the children were spaced so far apart. No.I'm in constant pain.The kind they make movies about but you can't imagine.So this was as fast as I could turn them out. One in my 20's.One in my 30's and one in my 40's. The 70's ,the 80's,and the 90's.Yes.I'm only a house wife.Yes,I underachieved. Sorry. But I married a man who said he didn't want a working wife. And I was the gung ho breast feeding gourmet cooking,110 presents bought,wrapped,and under the tree for my family of 5 mom with little or no thanks for my efforts kind of housewife. In fact I used to call this hell week. Christmas day was the 2nd day when I'd run down,fill stockings,get out morning gifts,set up the breakfast buffet and start prepping the roast goose,plum pudding hard sauce,sausage stuffing dinner for guests,with dinner presents as well (or roast duck,red cabbage and dumplings with gravy and Frankfurter Kranz). The 28th was my daughter's birthdayBirthdays for the children meant 3 parties-1 family party,1 party with their friends and 1 party with 10-12 dishes with the Indian community. Then I'd invite my sister.She would inevitably say no to the 28th or the 31st and ask to come on the 27th.The 31st family tradition demanded we eat a variety of sausages and home made potato salad at night and at midnight eat homemade filled donuts. New years day,I always made roast beef and yorkshire pudding. On the 2nd of january I congratulated myself for not having a job and went to bed. For some reason,since the kids have grown up and I can't do all that anymore,I'm now seen as malingering and lazy.
You can choose to tell a prettied up fact,or you can save time and tell the truth.The truth will make you understood quickly and easily but you may not be loved for the truth.But still-it is indeed,the truth.
What Gives Me Hope
While I have no friends,I'm also not surrounded by liars.
If I were Mayor, I'd make the world a better place by
Ban all guns immediately. Shoot the resisters.Ja?
What/who changed my life and why
When my daughter left home 11 days after her 18th birthday. Everyone says you can't live without the love of your family.Well-yes you can.In fact 90% of the time you don't have it anyway.Mine just quit pretending earlier than most.My son stopped giving gifts as soon as High school was done,even though we were in financial ruin for his $100,000 tuition extras.Had he chosen a state college,I would be happily living in my old house.Spilled milk.But perhaps my daughter would have met less wild elements in school. MYup.It doesn't mean they wold have loved me more,but certainly they could have pretended better and I would have stayed among friends and not where I have no one.It seems no one knows the way to San Jose and that's a good thing.The place is a dump.