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ellen m.

"To use my newfound voice (thanks to care2!) in a truly constructive and altruistic way. You can never do enough, but you can always do something!"

Seattle, WA, USA
female, age 61
single
Speaks: Engish only, alas!
Joined


 
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Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that New California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.


With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico

Peace out,

--Blue States
 
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    Viewing 20 of 736: view all | add a comment »
    Apr 20, 2014 9:14 AM

    Angel W. (259)

    Apr 19, 2014 12:00 PM

    Kerstin S. (297)

    Apr 13, 2014 9:23 AM

    Angel W. (259)

    Apr 3, 2014 10:32 AM

    Angel W. (259)

    Apr 1, 2014 12:16 AM

    Mary away T. (188)
    Happy belated Birthday Ellen I hope your day was filled with all things that are special to you, Love always
    Mar 31, 2014 2:28 AM

    Kathy B. (99)
    Birthday Comments
    ~Magickal Graphics~
    Mar 31, 2014 1:40 AM

    Gabriela B. (93)

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, dear friend  ))))))))))))

    Enjoy !
    xoxo

    ~ I love these tiny flowers

    Mar 31, 2014 12:07 AM

    Diane K. (136)
    Birthday WishesHappy Birthday!
    Mar 30, 2014 2:01 PM

    Terrie W. (753)
    http://www.trulygraphics.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/smile.gif
    Mar 30, 2014 8:52 AM

    Susanne R. (248)
    jpegimage
    Have a great one, Ellen, and
    many happy returns of the day!


    Mar 30, 2014 1:48 AM

    Ekeim T. (142)

    happy purrsday dear sister !

    wishing you much cake and fun.
    thanks so much for all you do !
    love and hugs !
    =^..^=
    birthday cake de luxe.jpg

    Mar 29, 2014 12:12 PM

    Kerstin S. (297)

    Dear Ellen


    Mar 28, 2014 7:51 PM

    Dianne Lynn E. (710)
    Birthday Comments
    Mar 28, 2014 5:13 PM

    Catman P. (924)
    Wishing You Joyous 
    Celebrations Of Life
    On Your Special Day

           Hope Everyone Behaves
                  At The Party

                 Love & Laughter
          Today ~ Always & Forever
         Happy Birthday

    Mar 28, 2014 2:53 AM

    Gina C. (230)

    Happy Birthday Ellen!!

    XO, Gina

    Mar 26, 2014 4:15 PM

    Kerstin S. (297)

    Mar 23, 2014 12:01 PM

    linda n. (2341)
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    HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY ELLEN........LUV LINDA
    Mar 23, 2014 8:42 AM

    Angel W. (259)

    Mar 11, 2014 3:58 PM

    Angel W. (259)

    Mar 8, 2014 7:55 AM

    Kerstin S. (297)

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