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A F.

"If you won't let us dream we won't let you sleep"

Bremerton, WA, USA
Speaks: of the pompatus of love., May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?
Joined Mar 6, 2005
Activities: Waking the Sleepers

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The time for empathy is now.

*** Note to master debaters***

Please save your issue for your tissue.

I am not here to argue with anyone. If you feel the need to debate an issue, please take it to someone who has the time and inclination to do so.

If you message me with hate or anger, I WILL block you. Life is too short and I don't have time for drama.

I am an advocate for human rights. That includes men, women and children of all colors, sizes, shapes, ages, beliefs and sexual preferences. I am also for the rights of the planet and all creatures living on, in, around, or above it. BUT! (Huzzah the big but!)

For example: If you are someone who believes in men's rights to the point where you have to take time out of your day to MESSAGE me that you feel rape in many circumstances is the woman's fault, and that women's rights have gone too far? That "The young girls are the problem! They know what they're doing, look at how they dress! Especially when they get fake IDs and hang out in clubs!" etc. etc. yadda yadda I have a message for you:

How about these poor, right-deprived "men" earn their rights by learning to CONTROL the NEED to have sex with someone on a first encounter with them? I suppose that seems extreme to you, though. I mean, it's not like there's a chance of coming down with (and spreading) a deadly disease by having sex with random people you don't know very well, or accidentally creating a LIFE that is going to tie you to that person FOREVER (no matter how much denial you are in or how far you run, the fact remains), and make it so the woman has to either spend the rest of HER life supporting that SHARED mistake ALONE, and being stigmatized as a whore forever after (for doing the same thing you did, though you'll be praised by the buddies you brag to as a "stud" instead), or goddess forbid, a baby-killer if she decides to get an abortion, right?

How about stop taking the Viagra for five minutes so enough blood can get to your brain for you to get to know someone? Preferably in a situation where you (and probably they) haven't already had six shots of tequila first? Maybe in the light of day you'll be able to realize that this person can't possibly be 21 (or even minimum legal consenting age, which varies and is often far too young for rational thought, depending on your location). And if not? At least you'll have a clear head and maybe avoid a disease or unwanted pregnancy with an actual consenting adult, IF they actually are an adult. And IF they are actually consenting, not just passing out from too much partying while you decide all their "flirting" must have meant they "wanted it".

If you ever think that you need to waste my time (or the time of others) trying to convince me that underage GIRLS (whose brains aren't even fully formed yet and can't possibly understand the full consequences of their actions if they happen to sneak out of their house to have a drink or TRUST A STRANGER OR YES, EVEN A "FRIEND") are the problem by using Care2 (or any other means) to message me? In the simple, easy-to-understand words of Ron "Tater Salad" White:

"The next time you have a thought- let it go.

This goes for any other hot button issue you may wish to argue. Religion, politics, you name it. I'm not here to fight against you. If you're a kind, empathic soul without some sort of an agenda to force people to your own beliefs, I may just fight for you or with you though. :)

***Note to hypocrites***

If you don't like slurs or hurtful terms being used against ANY particular group or groups, do not use them against ANY OTHER group or groups. Respect is key if we are to have a society that works.

I cannot tell you how many people I know who use the term "bitch" in a day-to-day, "humorous" fashion. Many of them will bite your head off if you use other derogatory terms directed at other groups. Yet for some reason, perhaps because the media allows it to be said all over television now, even on "respected programs", it's considered acceptable. It's not OK.

"Bitch" is demeaning to women. Yes, even when you walk into a room and cheerfully say "What's up my bitches?". Yes, even if you're a woman and you say you LIKE the word and that you're "reclaiming" it. You can never reclaim a word for everyone else. Only for yourself. It doesn't matter if it doesn't bother YOU, it bothers SOME, and it isn't appropriate in public unless you WANT to hurt people.

This goes for so many other slurs people casually use without even thinking of the harm they cause. They believe that, if they don't "mean it in a bad way", then it's fine. The problem is, no one knows your heart but you. And maybe your closest friends/family. Maybe. You'd be surprised at how many people ARE offended but just don't want a confrontation, or to seem like a "humorless wuss" (yet another derogatory term against women) by mentioning that it's not very nice.

Be kind. If the word has EVER been used as a weapon by anyone in the past, it should just be avoided.  Don't say "That's so gay!" like it's a bad thing. Don't use rape terms like "It was a joke! Don't get so butthurt about it!" Don't say "That guy at the car dealership gypped me!" Don't. Just....don't.

There are so many other words that can be used, it's just not necessary and not worth the risk of hurting people. It's not up to you to decide if they are "thin-skinned". You have not walked in their shoes and you have no right to judge what does and does not bother them. Just.. play nice. When you respect others, you gain even more respect for yourself. :)

***Note to the hobbled***

This is a sensitive topic for some, so please take a deep breath and know that I say this in hopes of it being a positive thing. I think we need a change. At least, many of us do. Not everyone, of course. There will never be anything that everyone agrees on. But for this, I think the time has come for people to at least THINK about it a bit more than maybe they have in the past.

I'm not judging anyone, and everyone has a right to dress as they wish without anyone making assumptions about them. I am concerned though, for the women who hobble themselves with high heels on a regular basis. Concerned for their health/safety, and about the negative side effects the "fashion statement" has on women as a whole.

High heels are not necessary for female attire, yet it has become such a standard practice that I hear women say "I can't go out without my heels", like it's a mandatory uniform. Nothing should be a mandatory uniform, especially when it can cause discomfort, or health/safety issues. Men don't have to wear anything hazardous in order to feel "masculine" or "handsome" or "fully dressed" or "chic". So why do we feel as if we "must" wear heels if we want to "look good"? If this is the equivalent of a woman's uniform, we need to demand a better one.

Why do we think this "looks good" anyway? It's certainly not normal. Part of it is conditioning. We are trained from birth to believe these bizarre forces-against-physics are "pretty" and that they make us look pretty as well. From the first Barbie doll we get with those malformed feet, we are inundated with imagery that says heels = class. Heels = success. Heels = love. We want to be respected, we want people to think we are beautiful, so we buy the BS. And then we buy the shoes.

Take a moment to think of our species viewed by aliens if they were to visit us. How strange it must seem to them that we would make ourselves weaker, more helpless, in pain, all in order to be accepted. How they might wonder at why the men were exempted from this odd display and why women seemed to relish it so much.

When asked, certain humans who have bought into this whole system would say that women are "being smart" and "playing to their assets" in order to "win the game" in a "man's world". But if women were truly smart, wouldn't they stop playing a biased game and work towards creating a more level and fair playing field?

If this is about "landing a man", women, let me tell you a secret. Most straight men WANT women. Many LIKE women. They don't care if they wear heels. Sure, if you're gonna do it, they'll be all over it (if that happens to be their personal aesthetic for beauty), but they'll also be down with you pole dancing for them on demand or making them sandwiches when they snap their fingers if they're into that, so where do you draw the line?

People often take what they are given, and as much as we're given. It's in our nature. Most men who like the way a woman looks in heels haven't actually really thought about what it does to her body over time. If they care about your health, and about YOU, they may actually begin to view heels as looking warped and weird in time, rather than "sexy". You'd be surprised. If a man wants to have sex with you, he doesn't need a "sex uniform" to inspire him. Trust me. Not saying playing dress up can't be fun, just saying if he thinks you need to wear heels as your normal day-to-day wear in order to be appealing? He has a problem.

I'm not saying shoes can't be pretty. Some can be works of art. If you find a pair of shoes that takes your breath away, put them on a shelf with a flattering display light on them, or in a beautiful glass cabinet to admire instead of on your feet and hurting your body. Hell, hang them on the wall or put them on mannequins and suspend them from the ceiling if you're into avant-garde. MAYBE even put them on one night in the bedroom for a little roleplay if that's something that is fun to you. The point is, you don't have to destroy your body to be pretty. Don't sell yourself "short". Ha! ;)

What are high heels for? To make us look taller for one. To "give us more confidence". Like we can't possibly function without stilts in order to convey confidence? What does this mean? Does it mean women who are shorter are..what? Less somehow? Not taken as seriously as men because of their size? Not desirable? Not attractive to a possible partner? Not usually, unless the possible partner is pretty shallow and/or has a very specific kink about height. Most people like you for who you are, and if they don't, well, screw them. Not literally, of course. The opposite of that. But figuratively, definitely.  ;)

Do you REALLY feel more confident when your balance is off? When you know you couldn't run away from danger quickly if you had to? Or run TO danger if you needed to help in an emergency? When you have to plan out your "stair assault" BEFORE you've had a drink at a party?

Do the people we're trying to impress really even see the fake inches as empowering? Or just "aw, isn't that cute, trying to be tall like the big boys and girls"? Or does it just sexualize us to misogynistic individuals in a day-to-day sense, to the point that all they are thinking about are our sexual habits, since we're (in their minds) obviously so preocupied with looking sexy, we must want it all the time, right?

Aside from the tallness, they make our legs look exaggeratedly long, our buttocks and breasts protrude, and make us take mincing, careful steps. Like we are precariously balanced on a pedestal, like a display. But people's appearances shouldn't hold the ONLY weight to a person's value. When we acquiesce and wear high heels to work every day even though our feet kill us at night, we're saying we buy the BS. We think we NEED that extra edge, and if making an object of ourselves is the way to go, so be it. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Some people like being objects. That's their choice and I would never tell them they can't do that. I would just hope that they have thought long and hard about it, weighed the whys/why nots/pros and cons before deciding. And I hope no one out there ever pressures someone into thinking in order to be beautiful, "hot", glamorous or successful that they aren't "complete" without their hobbles.

***UPDATE: Here in America, many people worship celebrity and fashion. It has been forced down our throats for so long people think it's normal. The ads, billboards, the disgusting displays of wealth, the body-shaming, it's our culture now. The red carpet is considered the ultimate destination on this hellish roller coaster ride of excess. Only the best and brightest are allowed to set foot there. If you walk it and get photographed, you're "in". You've won the grand prize of American culture. But did you know, women are only allowed if they are in their shackles? That's right, women must wear uncomfortable shoes if they wish to be seen at the "top of the top".If they are to be taken "seriously" as actresses, singers, you name it,  the only way they are permitted to join the party is if they are in heels.

Men aren't forced to do this as part of their "uniform". Nothing in the man's dress code promotes physical and emotional issues like this. How can this be a rule in 2015 and not be considered bigotry? A woman's worth and whether or not she can be considered "dressed" is based on whether or not she is in unnatural, painful footwear? Are these people afraid we will take over the joint if we're allowed to think clearly at a party? You should be able to wear flats if you are dressed nicely. What if you are pregnant? What if you have physical limitations that prohibit you from "enjoying" this insane practice even if you wanted to? You are deemed unworthy? This is supposed to be America. You know, freedom, all that. Just not for women. Never that.

***Note to friends***

My family and I are currently struggling (Thanks government, and veteran's medical disability dysfunctionality!) and I sometimes have very little time to respond to every star or message. I am just trying to make ends meet like many of you, and sometimes it gets a bit crazy. I get a LOT of mail for various causes I'm trying to support, along with all the day to day life madness. Sometimes things DO get buried that I don't mean to ignore. Please forgive me if I don't respond to something. I do not mean to offend in any way. You are awesome and I appreciate everything you do!  :)

Personal Professional Contact Singles
Joined Mar 6, 2005 Activist Aspirations undeclared 
Here for Support a Cause, Other 
Group Host of none yet
Groups (AGR) A Green Road, Amnesty International, Defenders of Wildlife, Greenpeace, Mother Jones, NAACP, National Audubon Society, ORANGUTANS: Men of the Forest, PETA - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, Pagans, The GODDESSES and their ANIMALS, The Nature Conservancy (TNC), The Sound Sanctuary, WWF - World Wildlife Fund more »
Birthday Sept 17  
Languages of the pompatus of love., May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?  
About Me What's to say? I'm a living being, unique, just like you, and nothing like you at all. :)
  Introduce yourself to A
Pets Small menagerie of rescues  
Activist Aspirations
Political Leaning
Religions "To be is to do" - Socrates, "To do is to be" - Sartre, "Do be do be do" - Sinatra  
Eating Habits Eating The Rich (in garlic-butter sauce)  
Wild Fact About Me I NEVER answer questions like "Name one wild fact about yourself". I also never say never. ;)
My Philosophy Love all the people! *Until they become evil, greedy corporations; then make sure to double-tap, remove the head, burn, then sprinkle the ashes across a salt flat. It's the only way to be sure.* (Figuratively, of course)
What Gives Me Hope Family; friends; the moon, sun and stars; the universe at play; nature and all her beautiful and tumultuous cycles
If I were Mayor, I'd make the world a better place by remembering that I am in a position to be a super-hero and that it is my responsibility to help those who cannot help themselves. Resisting the temptation to become a super-villain, despite the promise of lobster dinners and Cristal with Beyonce. Asking myself every day, is the choice I'm about to make the best for the planet, our only environment? Will my great-grandchildren thank me for what I'm about to do? Pondering the important questions every single day, like "Do I really need to spend $100,000 on that golden toilet seat, even if it does have a built-in heater?" Brainstorming about how, if I can't personally stand up to each and every evil-doer obstructing my attempts at creating peace and equality for all, who can I hire to brilliantly outmaneuver them while I watch the latest episode of Doctor Who and maybe get a nap? (Naps are cool!)
What/who changed my life and why
What Bugs Me Insect-discriminatory figures of speech  
Passions fruits, flowers, plays, pits  
What Scares Me Fear is the mind-killer  
Role Models  
Quotation Oscar Wilde - "Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
Books Yes! Have some!  
Music Huzzah the language of the soul!  
Movies Anything REALLY good *or* REALLY bad!, Just say NO to mediocre movies!  
TV Shows  
Favorite Foods  
Favorite Places Anyplace you can still feel the magic!  
Can't Live Without Life!  
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