I'm Carl.. I volunteer at LoveCry, a non-profit street kids organization. Im in therapy for anger management, abuse issues, and to pull my head out of my ass and to deal with my many emotions instead of lying to myself, thinking my emotions are someone elses, and projecting them onto the other person only resulting in getting whipped with it and losing friends and loved ones.
I pratice yoga, and enjoy reading self-enhancing literature. I dont have a giant vocabulary, and 3 1/4 of the time I dont know how to express myself. I compare with others, and constantly compete for attention. I'm a very angry person, and I've been denying it and telling myself that I've been dealing with it by stuffing it down with positivity, only to reach the point where everything in my perception is 100% delusional. I hear people being angry at me when they are not. I interpersonalize everyone else's reactions/actions/non-actions as if they are angry at me, and then i feel guilty and blame it on the person I delude is angry at me. Dont let me fool you either, because it may seem I'm self-aware, but I'm having difficulty releasing this thought patteren. One day, maybe two days, will go by and I'll feel good, as though I'm on the right track - confrontation will come around and then I feed my Ego. If I'm right, I gloat. If I'm wrong, I sit and wallow in guilt and lies... I wish I could be more honest with God, myself, and all others.
I live very much so in my head, but not in a good way. I am constantly analyzing this, analyzing that, everything there's something wrong somewhere and it's all my fault. I believe that I'm responsible for eveything wrong in everyone's life around me. I accept guilt from myself, I constantly judge myself resulting in judging others. I try to put guilt on eveyone for expressing their opinions, because I'm jealous they can express their opinions. I want to express my opinion..I want to, too. I get angry because I dont express myself.