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Beverly M.

"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing. ~ Arundhati Roy"

Turlock, CA, USA
female
divorced, 1 child
Speaks: learning gaelic, A little Hawaiian, English and a little Spanish
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Once there was a very sweet girl we will call Red. An eternal people pleaser, she was always doing for others and wanted them to be happy. She never spoke out of turn, was always agreeable, forever selflessly sweeping her wants, needs, opinions and dreams under the rug to make room for those of the people she cared for. She was afraid not to be liked by even the most remote acquaintance. She wouldn't dream of saying "no" to a request for a favor and never questioned anything she was told. As long as she toed the line and did what was expected of her without a fuss she thought surely she would be loved and that love would make her happy.

She knew the rules set out for her as a child: Do as you are expected and you will be rewarded or don't and be punished. So she followed the rules, always minded her manners, did as she was expected and never asked questions. Nice girls don't ask questions. Nice girls do as they are told. Nice girls are always nice, at any expense, even at the cost of themselves.

For years this was the driving force of Red's life ~ be good and you will be rewarded, be loving and you will be loved. The sad thing is she didn't feel loved or that she mattered at all and eventually she started to feel like a human sacrifice, being eaten alive piece by piece by those who "loved" her, those who had set the rules of her childhood and continued to manipulate her good heart. And it was that moment she decided enough was enough.

She started sifting through all the nonsense she had been taught about what she should be and decided to paint the magical life she dreamed of. She opened herself to new worlds and points of view and began reassessing and redefining who she was and her beliefs. She learned to accept the fact that she wasn't perfect and not worry about everyone else loving her. Instead she made a promise to love herself unconditionally as she had loved others and to forgive and walk away from those who drained her spirit and continued to throw their rules on her.

She grew her hair long and wore what she liked. She decided to learn everything she could about everything. She cried when she felt like crying and laughed when something tickled her. She sang. She learned to trust her intuition, her truth. She learned to listen as the birds sang and the rain fell. She set acceptable boundaries, spoke up for herself, stopped setting her needs aside and learned that if she said "no" the world would not end, the sun will still rise and life will go on. And she learned that true love is given freely without conditions.

She became herself. And she was free. Happily ever after.

 

I am a free spirit. I have an open mind and a strong sense of right. I believe in science. I believe in things that have not been proven otherwise. I believe we are all here for a reason. And I believe everything in our great massive universe is connected. And to make this very clear to everyone who asks me why I'm a liberal and an independent ~ I have never and will never be associated with any group who oppresses the many to benefit the few, who incite hate, who allow people to starve and go without even the most basic needs to survive, who turn their backs on the suffering of women and children and people of color, whose real God is money, whose real drive is greed and who seem determined to destroy all that is good and wild and beautiful ~ and don't lose any sleep over it.

            

What if our religion was each other. If our practice was our life. If prayer, our words. What if the temple was the Earth. If forests were our church. If holy water the rivers, lakes, and ocean. And what if meditation was our relationships. If the teacher was life. If wisdom was self-knowledge. If love was the center of our being. ~ Ganga White

                    

Deep peace of the running wave to you,
Of water flowing, rising and falling,
Sometimes advancing, sometimes receding.
May the stream of your life flow unimpeded!
Deep peace of the running wave to you!

Deep peace of the flowing air to you,
Which fans your face on a sultry day,
The air which you breathe deeply, rhythmically,
Which imparts to you energy, consciousness, life.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you!

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you,
Who, herself unmoving, harbors the movements
And facilitates the life of the ten thousand creatures.
While resting contented, stable, tranquil.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you!

Deep peace of the shining stars to you,
Which stay invisible till darkness falls
And discloses their pure and shining presence
Beaming down in compassion on our turning world.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you!

- a Gaelic poem



                                                You will be missed

                      

I am a peaceful Pagan. I may not share your beliefs, but I am not evil. I don't believe in Satan. I can't turn you into a frog or make you fall in love me with a magic potion. I am a mother, a daughter and a sister. I drive a car, have a job, pay my bills and taxes and grocery shop and was a Girl Scout and 9th grade spelling bee champ. I worship the Goddess and the green Earth and all her inhabitants. I will always respect your beliefs and ask only that you let me enjoy the faith I love.


 



 
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