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5 Backward Ways Our Society Responds to Domestic Violence

5 Backward Ways Our Society Responds to Domestic Violence
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You’d think domestic violence would be one thing we can collectively agree is a bad thing, but, as the news so often illustrates, you’d be wrong. Some members of society seem to think that the problem with domestic violence lies not with the perpetrators, but the victims, who can end up being punished as harshly if not more so than the people who abused them. If that’s not an illustration of serious injustice and a backwards system, we’re not sure what is.

1. Eviction

Calling the police for help is what domestic violence victims are told to do — and they’re assured that law enforcement officers will arrive, help them resolve the situation, and connect them with the resources they need. What they’re not assured of is that they’ll have a home to come back to after the case is processed, because reporting criminal activity at a residence can be grounds for eviction in some cities. If police respond to calls at a residence too many times in a given period, a city can revoke a landlord’s rental license, and evict any tenants. Landlords can also decide to evict tenants they deem “nuisances.”

If this sounds totally wrong to you, you’re not the only one. Numerous women’s rights groups are working on the issue, pushing for better tenants’ rights protections that will cover victims of domestic violence. No one should ever have to choose between silently enduring abuse and losing a place to live!

2. Charged for Fighting Back

Self-defense is supposed to be a human right, but all too often, victims of domestic violence find themselves charged with assault while their abusers walk free or receive minimal punishments, as occurred in 2010 when Marissa Alexander was imprisoned for fighting back while her abusive ex escaped penalties. In such cases, it’s common to see a household with a history of domestic violence where a woman either defends herself from a particularly vicious attack, or decides she’s had enough and stands her ground in the face of abuse. Teenage children in abusive households can find themselves in the same position; by fighting back to protect their younger siblings or mothers, they may end up charged with crimes.

Astoundingly, courts often blame the victims in these cases, suggesting women should have left or used another method of resolution like calling for help. These responses ignore the very real psychological effects of long-term domestic violence and abuse, and also send a signal to other abusers that they may be able to manipulate a situation to end up with reversed charges where they face no consequences for their abuse, and their partners end up in jail or prison.

3. Discrimination

It’s bad enough to live in a society where many people think domestic violence is the victim’s fault. Worse yet is the way that translates into real-world social interactions. Experiencing domestic violence and reporting it or speaking out about it can come with serious consequences, as numerous victims of discrimination can testify. The American Civil Liberties Union notes that some employers will fire personnel who experience domestic violence (often on the grounds that they’re asking for too much time off to deal with legal matters), while students in abusive homes may not be treated seriously.

Domestic violence victims can even be targeted for discrimination by insurance companies.

People who need to file restraining orders because of stalking, domestic violence, and other abuse issues may face discrimination from landlords who don’t want to rent to such tenants in the first place, not just landlords ready to evict on the grounds of domestic violence. They can also have trouble finding student housing in dorms, co-ops and similar facilities, and may struggle with enforcement of their orders in the workplace and at other locations. This can create an isolating effect.

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10:15PM PST on Nov 25, 2013

Yep, we have a messed up system, when it comes to violence against women.

10:15PM PST on Nov 25, 2013

Yep, we have a messed up system, when it comes to violence against women.

10:15PM PST on Nov 25, 2013

Yep, we have a messed up system, when it comes to violence against women.

7:50AM PDT on Oct 9, 2013

Domestic Violence is becoming an epidemic in our society. We have to help make other victims survivors. My two daughters and I were in a very violent, abusive relationship for ten years. We are using our horrible past to help other victims of abuse. My oldest daughter and I have done presentations for law enforcement agencies, courts, domestic violence advocates and other organizations. My youngest daughter, whom is now 13, wrote her first book on child abuse last year. "Diary of Abuse Through A Child's Eyes." I wrote, "Diary of Abuse No Justice." Our website is Please check us out.

2:34PM PDT on Aug 1, 2013

I didn't realize how real victim blaming was until I was the victim, and the police did nothing to help me

8:32AM PDT on Jul 9, 2013


11:33AM PDT on Jun 21, 2013

Because as a species we're idiots, Kayleigh H.

4:01PM PDT on Jun 20, 2013

oh yes, and the women's shelters - all the ones i spoke too said, sure you can come any time, but you can't bring your cat. Where do you morons think he will retaliate if he thinks i've left? He would instantly go after my cat.
So, how did I get him to leave my house, so I could get out alive? Told him that I was going to stab him in the throat with my big-ass kitchen knife while he was sleeping, this was right after I beat the shit out of him for threatening my cat, he thought I had gone psycho...i moved within days of that (been planning it for weeks)

3:57PM PDT on Jun 20, 2013

yes, victims have no protection legally. I was in an abusive relationship years ago, and when I spoke to an officer about having him removed, he said, "Honestly, we would take him in for a night, but he will be out on bail tomorrow"....yeah, that was comforting!! "Get a restraining order" was my other favourite one. So, is this magic piece of paper going to protect me when he finds out about the restraining order and then shows up to kill or beat me? No-siree, holding up that piece of paper did jack-squat. Thankfully, I was able to get away, with the help of my sister, and we moved most of my stuff in one night with my mini-van, well anything he hadn't taken and sold for drugs.

7:51PM PDT on Jun 18, 2013

None of these attitudes make any sense; why do people think this way?

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