The Religious Rights’ attack on LGBT families is odious. The opportunity for hilarious, bizarre and baffling soundbites, however, is plentiful. Here are five you’ll find it hard to believe are even real.
1) Gay Marriage is A Straight Tax Dodge
Georgia GOP chair Sue Everhart, when she’s not commenting on how gays don’t have the right equipment to be together, doesn’t buy all this marriage equality malarkey. Oh no, she’s on to you sneaky straight people:
You may be as straight as an arrow, and you may have a friend that is as straight as an arrow. Say you had a great job with the government where you had this wonderful health plan. I mean, what would prohibit you from saying that you’re gay, and y’all get married and still live as separate, but you get all the benefits? I just see so much abuse in this it’s unreal. I believe a husband and a wife should be a man and a woman, the benefits should be for a man and a woman. There is no way that this is about equality. To me, it’s all about a free ride.
As others have pointed out, this ridiculousness sounds a lot like the plot to the bludgeon-me-with-the-remote-as-this-is-painfully-unfunny Adam Sandler film I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry. It’s also a new level of stupidity.
This isn’t an argument against gay marriage. If you were going to commit marriage fraud, why would you bother with the “skim milk” way various governments (including the federal government) treat same-sex couples and not go for the full-fat opposite sex marriage? No, Everhart, you just talked yourself out of straights marrying straights. Kudos.
2) Gays and Lesbians Responsible for Majority of Murders in Major Cities
Dave Agema, Michigan Republican National Committeeman, has found himself in a spot of bother after taking to his Facebook page to bemoan the homosexuals and their “filthy” lives. Stay with me, it gets better.
Rather than backing down in the face of intense calls for him to apologize or resign, he’s decided to start offering “reems” [sic] of evidence to show he’s right. Except he’s having a hard time finding legitimate sources. And then, when prompted by press inquiries into whether he supports the notion that gay and lesbian people account for a higher number of murders, suicides and diseases in major cities, something raised by an anti-gay article Agema cited, he said:
“I not only believe it, it’s substantiated by several different articles and studies. That’s just a fact.”
And it’s just a fact that those figures are a mangled heap. Strangely, the pressure for Agema to resign has only intensified.
3) Gay Marriage and Gay Boy Scouts Are Provoking North Korea
This one stands on its own. Frank Luter, the president of the Southern Baptist Convention, speaking to “TruNews” saying:
“I would not be surprised that at the time when we are debating same-sex marriage, at a time when we’re debating whether or not we should have gays leading the Boy Scout movement, I don’t think it’s just a coincidence that we have a mad man in Asia who is saying some of the things that he’s saying.”
But, to be fair, he does offer the caveat that he’s “not that strong in prophecy.” You can listen to the audio here.
4) Gays Hate God, The Flag, Mom and Apple Pie
You remember Kansas Congressman Tim Huelskamp, right? He’s the guy that really doesn’t want gays marrying on military bases. The vexed congressman decided to write a decidedly rhetoric-heavy piece for the Washington Times on Monday in which he decries “The war on marriage and motherhood.”
It was hard to just pick one untruth, one flagrant lie, aimed at the LGBT community, so I decided to go for the following laugh-out-loud paranoia that the gay agenda together with political correctness has destroyed:
… yet another pillar of the American paradigm for our patriotic, wholesome culture — “God, the flag, mom and apple pie.” Activist judges have already expelled faith from the public square (forbidding the Ten Commandments, a cross in remembrance of our military heroes, and Christmas Nativity scenes) and decriminalized burning the Stars and Stripes in public. The First Lady’s “Let’s Move!” initiative and New York City Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s sugary-drink ban suggest the days of consuming apple pie might well be numbered.
I enjoy the part where Huelskamp conveniently forgets Bloomberg is a Republican. Also, we gays love our mothers — duh!
5) Ronald Reagan’s Son Thinks Gay Marriage is Like Murder
68-year-old Michael Reagan took time out to hyperventilate this past week about Republican-infighting and the Supreme Court marriage equality cases, saying:
“It’s ultimately about changing the culture of the entire country; it inevitably will lead to teaching our public school kids that gay marriage is a perfectly fine alternative and no different than traditional marriage.
“There is also a very slippery slope leading to other alternative relationships and the unconstitutionality of any law based on morality. Think about polygamy, bestiality, and perhaps even murder.”
It’s strange, though, that the only people who really do seem preoccupied with “polygamy, bestiality, and perhaps even murder” are always those belonging to the Religious Right.
Image credit: Thinkstock.
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