8 Hilarious Protests One Million Moms Launched This Year
One Million Moms, the American Family Association project of literally hundreds of moms, is infamous for its unintentionally hilarious morality protests over TV shows, advertisement campaigns and, in particular, entertainment shows supporting LGBT rights. Here are just eight protests that the Moms launched this year that made us chuckle.
1. Glee “Mocks” Christianity by Being Glee
While it may be the season to be jolly, the Moms certainly aren’t thrilled with Glee and its “Never Aired Christmas” episode. The Moms write in a breathless missive:
The show featured the transgender student, Unique, portraying the Virgin Mary in their high school’s nativity scene and acts out giving birth to the baby Jesus. The doll representing Jesus wore a sequin diaper and was thrown from singer to singer while they sang “Love Child, Never Meant to be.” Baby Jesus is tossed around like a rag doll and shown no respect.
In another scene, a bisexual “Sexy Santa,” gets two female characters and the show’s gay male character drunk before robbing them blind – all this after making out with and tying the male character up in bed.
Transphobia, check. Biphobia, check. Also, complete lack of a sense of humor? Definitely, check.
2. Macy’s too “Kinky” for Holiday Parade
Macy’s recently put on a fantastic Thanksgiving Day parade float, featuring performers from the hit Broadway production and LGBT-affirming “Kinky Boots.” Social conservatives began hyperventilating, and the Moms were no different.
“Raise You Up” was not suitable for families for many reasons. The inappropriate act starred Kinky Boots, referencing a musical written to celebrate the differences in each other and included: (all) the men and women in thigh-high boots [mostly red pleather while others were sparkly "hooker" boots], a man in boxer shorts and men in burlesque and Moulin rouge costumes prancing around expressing themselves, RuPaul (famous drag queen) along with several men dressed in drag, transgender and transvestites, singing and dancing as an expression of “diversity” and honoring whatever sexuality you want.
So, just to summarize, expressing yourself is forbidden.
This protest is worth including, not just for the hysteria evidenced above, but the way the makers of the show answered this pearl clutching: the performers all went to Macy’s a few days later and shopped while wearing their thigh-high boots.
Here’s the performance everyone was talking about this year:
3. Dracula is Dracula, so Protest!
The Moms were furious at NBC this year for many reasons. In particular, they showed their fangs for NBCs “Dracula” which apparently was just too, well, Dracula-like for them to stomach:
Warning! NBC’s “Dracula” season premiere is set to air this Friday, October 25 at 10:00 p.m. ET/9:00 p.m. CT with a TV-14 rating. The gory series will air on weekends when children and teens potentially stay up later. As another program to warp the minds of our youth, it will likely give children nightmares.
Why children would be watching it at 10:00 pm is anyone’s guess. Anyway, as proof that the Moms would go on a broad banning crusade if they could, here’s what they object to about the show:
“Previews of this program also included: terrifying screams, a rotted corpse, death, murder, a woman burned alive while tied to a stake, spirits, satanic and occult elements, homosexual content, tons of blood (mostly on Dracula’s face and victim’s necks) and other gore, including decapitated heads in boxes and pools of blood.”
My advice: Moms, don’t ever pick up an Anne Rice novel!
4. Ahhh! Two Moms on a Kid’s Show. The Horror.
When it was announced that the last series of the show “Good Luck Charlie,” a Disney Channel production aimed at older children, would broadcast an episode featuring a child with two moms, the Moms reacted with typical venom:
Just because something may be legal or because some are choosing a lifestyle doesn’t make it morally correct. Disney should stick to entertaining instead of pushing an agenda. Disney decided to be politically correct versus providing family-friendly programming. Disney has a choice whether to produce a program with certain fictional characters; the storyline could be re-written or changed. Conservative families need to urge Disney to exclude confusing topics that children are far too young to comprehend.
Apparently, love is confusing to children.
5. Hide the Joe! Hide the Joe!
It really must have been a slow week at Mom HQ when they decided to protest this one. Kmart, wanting to flog us some new pants, recently came out with a cheeky take on Jingle Bells entitled “Show Us Your Joe.”
Here it is:
And here’s what the Moms had to say:
The title of the current ad is “Show Your Joe,” and Kmart includes sexual content during a Christmas hand bell choir performance. The commercial focuses on several men wearing Joe Boxer underwear thrusting in a sexualized way to the tune of Jingle Bells. They start gyrating and shaking themselves instead of the hand bells, intending to make their “bells” ring in song – which is highly inappropriate.
If that was “thrusting in a sexualized way,” I think the Moms have been going wrong somewhere.
Next Page: Bestiality, the Beast and Nudity!
6. Remember When We all Thought Bestiality was OK Because of Geico?
Another series of ads that the Moms want to shield us from includes those featuring Maxwell the Geico pig. In previous installments, Maxwell has been pulled over by police and even went on a date.
The ad to cause a particular stir is one where Maxwell’s date suggests they pass the time waiting for a tow truck in a slightly suggestive way. She is, as the Moms note, apparently “turned on” by the pig:
I don’t know about you, but I didn’t immediately think of bestiality. I was more impressed by the dexterity of the pig’s trotters. Nevertheless, the Moms were not happy :
Geico has succeeded in offending its customers with this inappropriate advertisement. One Million Moms has received numerous complaints because Geico’s new commercial plays with the idea of bestiality. Parents find this type of advertising repulsive and unnecessary. Airing a commercial with an animal in it will surely grab children’s attention, but this is a horrible commercial for families to see. Geico does not have our children’s best interest in mind.
Given how chaste the Geico pig behaves in this ad, I’d think the Moms would be more likely to approve of it as an example of their abstinence-only beliefs. That or protest it because the pig is talking. That’s obviously witchcraft.
7. NBC Airs the Number of the Beast!
As I said earlier, the Moms aren’t thrilled with NBC — especially when NBC is airing a show like “666: Park Avenue.” Said the Moms:
To paraphrase the description of the program given on ABC’s website: The show is about a young couple who find what they think to be an amazing apartment when in fact it is haunted. Those who live in the building seduce others to get what they need and want. But how far will they go to get what they want? The finest living in the city comes at a cost.
The evil owner of the apartment building in the show portrays characteristics of the devil himself. Previews include terrifying screams, death, spirits, satanic symbols, mark of the devil, and souls bought for a price.
A landlord who is Satan himself. Are we sure this isn’t a documentary?
8. Afraid of the Naked
We all know that the Moms aren’t too keen seeing even an inch of skin, so imagine how they felt about the Discovery Channel’s reality TV program “Naked and Afraid.”
Here’s the trailer for the show. If you are offended by blurry nudity, then you shouldn’t watch:
In July of this year, the Moms began their long running protest against the show in typical anxiety-ridden style. While there might be a number of reasons to be down on this show, comparing it to “soft-porn” wasn’t on my list:
The two survivalists are n*ked, not only to make it more difficult to stay warm when it rains, but also to make them as uncomfortable, vulnerable and miserable as possible while they survive in the jungle for 21 days. The two humans selected, one male and one female, are to work as a team but they have never met before in their lives. This is awkward for them and for viewers. A couple of episodes have aired which show them uncovered, blurring out frontal body parts but never blurring out their backsides. One episode showed the female making clothes for them to cover the front on the second and third day and continuously replacing these items after they wear out. These articles of clothing made from leaves and vines do not cover completely because the network has to continue to blur out body parts that are revealed from time to time.
Even though the frontal body parts are blurred out, having so much skin showing is considered soft p*rn.
Sometimes, I think these TV types are just trying to upset the M*ms — and long may it continue.
So thank you One Million Moms for helping us stay on the straight and narrow and providing us with entertainment the whole year through.
Here’s to an outrageous 2014 that will provide you with plenty of poorly thought out complaints.
Photo credit: Thinkstock.