9 Funny Things That Would Win Against Congress in a Popularity Contest
Surely, you’ve seen those outrageous “Congress is less popular than [thing we hate]” popular opinion polls every so often. With Congress shutting down the government currently, those poll numbers have gone from terrible to abysmal. Let’s look at some of the funniest comparisons from a variety of sources that Congress just can’t seem to win.
1. Vladimir Putin
Why we donít like the Russian president:
- He is doing everything in his power to make the lives of LGBT Russians as miserable as possible.
- He attempts to outlaw acts of protest against his administration.
- Despite granting asylum to Edward Snowden, he hypocritically has no tolerance for internet privacy in his own country.
Yet we like the Kremlinís chief a bit more than Congress because:
- Whatever his motivations, Putin has helped avert U.S. attacks on Syria, whereas Congress waffled on the subject.
We donít like cockroaches because:
- Admittedly, theyíre creepy and kind of scare us.
- Apparently, they can live in a jar for several weeks even after their heads are removed. That scares us, too.
- After a nuclear disaster or climate change kills most species, theyíre likely to survive, which frankly, makes us a bit jealous.
Yet we like them a bit more than Congress because:
- At least cockroaches arenít actively promoting global warming like some climate change denying politicians who pass legislation that puts humans (and Congresspeople, harhar) closer to self-destruction.
3. Wall Street
Why we donít like Wall Street:
- For starters, it crashed the economy.
- Then it begged for tax payer money to be bailed out.
- All the while resuming paying executive bonuses rather than righting their wrongs.
Yet we like the business capital a bit more than Congress because:
- Considering how much both of these institutions comingle at this point, is there really a point in trying to differentiate between the two?
We donít like the Internal Revenue Service because:
- Unlike the fat cats who get the biggest tax breaks, we worked hard for that money.
- They were a real bully that one time to this impoverished single mom.
- Taxes is an anagram for Texas, which unfortunately reminds us of this guy.
Yet we like it a bit more than Congress because:
- Itís not the IRSís fault that Congress members want to take our tax dollars the IRS collected to pay themselves even while shutting down huge portions of the rest of the government.
We donít like Hilton because:
- Sheís known for little more than being a rich party girl with a sex tape.
- Her obsession with fame is so notorious that John McCain tried to compare Barack Obamaís quest for celebrity to hers in a 2008 campaign ad.
- The media needlessly reports her every move to the extent that one Care2 member started a petition asking the news to please stop.
Yet we like her a little bit more than Congress because:
- She once claimed to not know what Wal-Mart is, whereas Congress hobnobs with Wal-Martís lobbyists to help make the corporation richer.
Why we donít like dog feces:
- Well, it smells.
- American dogs create 10 million tons of poop each year, which in turn seriously pollutes waterways.
- Just think of how many plastic bags are wasted in an effort to clean up our poochesí waste. (Buy biodegradable, dog owners!)
Yet we like poop a bit more than Congress because:
- A Massachusetts park found a way to turn dog poop into energy to power lights, whereas Congress continues to prevent passing light bulb efficiency standards.
Why we donít like the Donald:
- He is unhealthily obsessed with President Obamaís birth certificate.
- His kids hunted exotic animals while on safari.
- He actively campaigned against wind turbines, an eco-friendly alternative form of energy.
Yet we like him a bit more than Congress because:
- Despite all of his hullabaloo, Trump doesnít actually run for the president. Unfortunately, we canít say the same will be true for Congressís biggest shut down supporter, Senator Ted Cruz. Hereís hoping Trump will ask to examine his Canadian birth certificate!
Why we don’t like traffic:
- Commuters average 40 hours of sitting in traffic per year.
- Exposure to pollution generated during traffic jams hurts the health of our hearts.
- Of course, that pollution damages the environment, as well.
Yet we like it a bit more than Congress because:
- At least all traffic jams are eventually cleared and we can make our way home. Gridlock in Congress can stop critical legislation indefinitely.
Why we donít like oil giant British Petroleum:
- Well, they are responsible for devastating the Gulf with a massive oil spill.
- Then they whined about having to clean it up and take responsibility.
- Plus, endangered wildlife especially suffered from this corporationís error.
Yet we like the company a bit more than Congress because:
- Even after the spill, Congress has been ineffective at passing any meaningful legislation to improve safety standards or prevent a similar disaster from occurring again. Why have any respect for a governing body that allows their campaign donators at the oil companies to regulate their own business?