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Back-To-School When You or Your Kid Is “Different”

Back-To-School When You or Your Kid Is “Different”
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Back-to-school season often comes with a touch of the bittersweet to me. My son Charlie is 15 and “technically” a sophomore. But he’s not really in a grade. Charlie is on the moderate to severe end of the autism spectrum and attends a county autism center where he’s in a secondary level class.

But back-to-school is ultimately a time to celebrate how far Charlie’s come and to reflect on how we’ve learned to support and help him over the years. When your child is “different” — on the autism spectrum, has learning disabilities, has multiple disabilities involving medical care — back-to-school is full of even more signifiance and school success is measured differently.

Back-to-School Without the Back-to-School Shopping

A couple of days ago the New York Times ran an article about how retailers were worrying about lagging back-to-school sales as students, not wanting to show up in last year’s fashions, are delaying the annual shopping fest till they are actually back in school.

We don’t do any back-to-school shopping. If Charlie could, he’d wear the same shirt and pants every day, till they were in tatters. He neither notices nor cares one bit about trends: He’s immune to both peer pressure and consumer capitalism.

It’s something sad about parenting a child with disabilities who is more and more out of step with kids his age. But it’s also why being Charlie’s mother has been a constant back-to-school experience for me in the best of ways, a chance to learn that there’s a lot more to life than earning good grades or worrying about getting into a good college.

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2:24PM PDT on Oct 13, 2012

thank you

5:01AM PDT on Sep 3, 2012

Thank you

9:09PM PDT on Sep 2, 2012


9:01PM PDT on Sep 2, 2012

"We don’t do any back-to-school shopping. If Charlie could, he’d wear the same shirt and pants every day, till they were in tatters. He neither notices nor cares one bit about trends: He’s immune to both peer pressure and consumer capitalism."

*grins* exactly like me! I know this was meant to illustrate the diff between auties/aspies and NTs, but all I see is that more people should have their priorities straight. Trends don't matter, go for what you like, be yourself. There is nothing sad about not being into stuff we find mind numbingly boringI I wouldn't swap my way of being for anything the NT world has to offer. No offense meant, but most of it comes off as terribly shallow.

8:55PM PDT on Sep 2, 2012

Never stop supporting your kids.

7:11PM PDT on Sep 2, 2012

Please have a good year in school. I think any step that a student makes whether it is learning to write ABC or learning to stop biting others when something does not go his/her own way is significant. So often we compare ourselves to what others are doing. We just should look at that person's progress! I know we think "I wish I had known about something in the past"; however, the point is "I know it now" and that is the learning experience. And that is what we should celebrate.

6:56PM PDT on Sep 2, 2012

Thanks so much for the kudos, Kristina! I'm so glad the post was useful for you!

Always LOVE your writing!

6:35PM PDT on Sep 2, 2012

There is a public-relations resource available for wheelchair users at After individual states select their own representative, a national Ms. Wheelchair America is selected each year, who goes to various events throughout the country. It's what a beauty pageant should be, but isn't--achievement is recognized over facial appearance.

Check out Ms. Wheelchair America 2009--that's my daughter! She continues to make joint appearances with the current representative from time to time. (She is now a research director for a nationally-known university hospital.)

6:24PM PDT on Sep 2, 2012

The second major problem is that we do not see many disabled people out and about in society. Disabled children in particular are almost invisible. I often give talks to children about special needs. In one school, I asked a large group of ten year old non-disabled children if they knew anyone in a wheelchair. Just one hand shot up. The boy who volunteered his experience told the group that his grandfather was in a wheelchair. Many children tend to associate wheelchairs with elderly people and were surprised that I wasn’t in this group. One other child (a girl) put her hand up - her response to my question was “you” :)

One of the attitudes of society that really frustrates me is the fact that non-disabled people tend to emphasise the things that disabled people cannot do rather than what they can achieve. We have just had a valuable opportunity to witness many people from around the world demonstrate that although they have a disability they can still compete and achieve in sport. In the UK the Para Olympics have been televised every day. However, I have been informed that American television which did screen the Olympics has paid little attention to the Para Olympics which has attracted a total audience figure world wide of 4 billion. If so, I am not surprised that the parents of children with disabilities in the USA have an uphill battle to obtain the specialised help and support they and their child needs.

6:23PM PDT on Sep 2, 2012

Contrary to what some have said, I do not believe that we can ever have too many first-hand accounts from parents of children with special needs. World wide, society is not really ready to accept people with disabilities into mainstream unless they are influenced by both education and disabled people and their families themselves. I am a specialist paediatrician in child mental health who has worked extensively with children who present with autistic spectrum behaviours (I dislike the word “disorders’). However, my personal life has given me an additional insight into special needs, in that I am a wheelchair user and have been since the age of 19. Two factors in relation to the general public’s perception of disability is the fact that very few teachers (and doctors for that matter) have a disability or training in the subject. This means that their understanding of disability and perceptions of a child with special needs is limited. In my experience, many teachers have very low expectations of their disabled pupils.

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