I don’t often like politicians
Yet there’s one whom I adore:
Elizabeth Warren is easily the best person
To grace the Senate floor.
I’m compelled to confess my feelings;
It’s only fair to make my love apparent,
Much like Warren’s plan to make secret settlements
Between the government and corporations more transparent.
I respect that she shines a light on ongoing bank fraud
And calls out the DOJ for not sending execs to jail.
Unlike how it should be for economy-crashing companies,
My love for Warren is too big to fail.
Is certainly in no doubt.
When bank CEOs act like we owe them favors,
She reminds them that WE bailed them out.
If businesses can borrow from the government for next to nothing,
For daring to ask, Warren has boosted my own interest
In asking her on a romantic dinner date.
She knows that finding employment is hard
And that hirers discriminate against the poor,
Which is why she wants to make it illegal
For employers to look at an applicant’s credit score.
And let’s not forget
Warren’s quest to raise the minimum wage.
It has similarly raised the fondness in my heart
Despite her being twice my age.
Warren’s latest plan to stamp out poverty
Would allow post offices to cash checks.
The idea is such a brilliant turn on
That it makes me want to have se… uh, hold hands.
(Sorry couldn’t think of a rhyme there.)
The jealous side of me wants her for myself,
For her to call me up and send me flowers.
The good news is she represents all Americans;
Never mind “be mine” – we’re lucky that she’s ours.
Photo Credit: modified from an Edward Kimmel photo