In a sea of straights, how to spot a gay? There are signs, the anti-gay folks tell us and here is a list of a few supposed gay tests, some of them funny and some of them really, absolutely not.
Russia To Check Recruits for “Gay” Genital Tattoos
Putin’s military establishment has decided they’re tired of flagrant (fragrant?) homosexuality among the ranks and so they’re taking matters into their own hands by mandating a new series of hardcore screenings designed to weed out those Madonna-loving, same-sex snogging recruits before they can infiltrate anyone’s bunker.
And the only way they could do this? A check that sounds more reminiscent of an adult-film script: a strip search to screen for “gay” tattoos. How does one characterize a gay tattoo? Well, if it’s of Lady Gaga, SpongeBob SquarePants, or dangerously homosexual milk, no need to investigate further. But as Glee’s Sue Silvester once remarked, there are some sneaky, sneaky gays out there. For them, apparently, it’s all about tattoo placement.
That’s right, a tattoo on the ass and you’ve got yourself a (classless) gay. A tattoo near the face or near his other “special” place, another sure sign.
In case you’re wondering, according to details reportedly published Thursday by the military, this is totally legit. It is based on psychological advice published by a university and everything. Tattoos are like a Rorschach test for all manner of things, apparently, such as promiscuity, addictive behavior, a low level of education and, obviously, a general desire to join the military just so you can do the bed-bump through the ranks.
Some sense has, somehow, prevailed however and there are reports some military types have already rejected the guidelines as “impractical.”
Meanwhile, Russia continues to nigh-on encourage Orthodox extremists to go out and beat gay people through legalization of yet another “homosexual propaganda” ban and a continued flirtation with instituting a similar national edict.
Malaysia’s War On Gay V-Neck Shirts
Readers may remember this story from September 2012. Malaysia’s Education Ministry decided not enough was being done to curb young people becoming [sic] gay, and so they needed to educate parents, through handy pamphlets no less, on how to spot if their kid had gone over to the Pink Side.
The advice, well, it was quite stunning. To spot a male gay look for muscles, v-neck and sleeveless light-colored clothes and a propensity for bringing big handbags to social gatherings.
For a lady gay, the advice basically added up to: not liking the company of men. Didn’t put much effort in for the lesbians, sadly.
Deputy Education Minister Mohd Puad Zarkashi, responsible for the glitteringly ignorant list above, opened his mouth again recently to declare that being LGBT is a social illness that will spread if parents don’t do anything about it. No word on the success of his Where’s Wanda anti-gay witch hunt yet, however.
Cameroon Anal Probing Prisoners
This one’s not funny. This one, in fact, is a disgusting violation of human rights that is indicative of Cameroon’s wider disregard for any kind of tolerance of the fact that LGBT identity exists.
A new report by Amnesty International outlines in horrifying detail how Cameroon is using its justice system to systematically eradicate LGBT people from the general population by means of extra judicial detentions and extraordinary prosecutions without the slightest shred of evidence of wrongdoing. Prisoners are then subjected to an anal probing for evidence of homosexual sex.
Godfrey Byaruhanga, Amnesty International’s lead Cameroon researcher and report author, is quoted as saying: “There’s no justification whatsoever for this illegal, degrading treatment. It represents a severe breach of medical ethics and has to end immediately.”
Earlier this month, two men were released from detention after a judge overturned their conviction. Their crime? Looking gay.
Cameroon’s wider human rights situation is no joke either with the report outlining that prisoners attempting to escape the terrible conditions at the prison — being given only one meal a day and being beaten with such frequency it could almost be scheduled — have simply been shot. While Cameroon’s administration has said it is taking steps to remedy prison overcrowding and the human rights abuses therein, Amnesty points out that no such steps have been evidenced.
Some things you just can’t laugh off, unfortunately.
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