Ladies, are you tired of drinking water out of the tap like an animal but just can’t find the right brand of water for you? Well your search is over! Nestlé has you covered.
Even though this company owns a billion other brands of water, it is coming out with another one. But this one is special. This one is just for you, ladies. And it is fierce. You know it’s so because it’s called Resource.
No no no. Don’t say it like that. Say it in a whisper. Resource. Resource. Resource. Oooooh…now you’re getting it.
Lest you think this is just another brand of basically the same ol’ drinking water, think again. This water is only for those with the most refined palate. According to the New York Times:
Larry Cooper, group marketing manager for Resource, said the brand, which was introduced in Whole Foods in 2009, then Southern California in 2012 before its national rollout early this month, is intended for the most discriminating water drinker.
“We look at bottled water as being at a more value, mainstream or premium level,” Mr. Cooper said. “And we have incredibly good coverage in those first two tiers, but we haven’t in all these years had a premium entry to compete with the Smartwater, Fijis and Evians of the world,” he continued, referring to the Glacéau, Fiji Water Company and Danone Waters of North America brands.
Look, you plebs. Nestlé has been fulfilling your dihydrogen monoxide needs for years. But now? Now they’re going after the big boys. The deep pockets. Who is that, you may wonder? It’s the laaaaaaadies!!!! According to Cooper, the target demo for this not-redundant product is higher-income women who are “a little more on the trendy side.” Oh, and if you’re 35, all the better. Cooper elaborated on what he hopes the future of the brand is, and who this swanky Resource Woman is.
“We want to raise it to the level of a lifestyle brand,” he said, “where she’s proud to carry around Resource as her bottled water accessory, so to speak.”
He totally gets me. I get dressed every day and I think, boy, my outfit is really missing something. I wonder if I’m carrying around the wrong water? Actually, it might be worth a try; if this promotional video is to be believed, drinking Resource will allow you to turn your surroundings into a shallow pond and give you the ability to perform acrobatics. Because there is nothing women like more than yoga and interpretive dance.
Well I’m convinced! Sign me up for the Resource Army!
If you watched the video all the way to the end, you may have noticed the tagline of the campaign: Discover Electrolytenment. Because that’s a thing, I guess. (It’s worth noting that only endurance athletes need to worry about replenishing electrolytes. Normal people who take a 30 minute jog do not.)
Don’t forget that this is a prestige product. You get to show off your socio-economic status and stay hydrated at the same time. Forget that using plastic water bottles is wildly wasteful; this is all about you.
I’m not saying to not drink filtered water. Sometimes your tap water is just gross. I know mine is. But, instead of putting your worth into overpriced fancy pants water, I might suggest just buying one of these or something similar. The message you’re sending? It’s just water. I have stuff to do. Get out of my way.
Image credit: Flickr