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Finally! A Water Just for Rich Women!

Finally! A Water Just for Rich Women!

Ladies, are you tired of drinking water out of the tap like an animal but just can’t find the right brand of water for you? Well your search is over! Nestlé has you covered.

Even though this company owns a billion other brands of water, it is coming out with another one. But this one is special. This one is just for you, ladies. And it is fierce. You know it’s so because it’s called Resource.

No no no. Don’t say it like that. Say it in a whisper. Resource. Resource. Resource. Oooooh…now you’re getting it.

Lest you think this is just another brand of basically the same ol’ drinking water, think again. This water is only for those with the most refined palate. According to the New York Times:

Larry Cooper, group marketing manager for Resource, said the brand, which was introduced in Whole Foods in 2009, then Southern California in 2012 before its national rollout early this month, is intended for the most discriminating water drinker.

“We look at bottled water as being at a more value, mainstream or premium level,” Mr. Cooper said. “And we have incredibly good coverage in those first two tiers, but we haven’t in all these years had a premium entry to compete with the Smartwater, Fijis and Evians of the world,” he continued, referring to the Glacéau, Fiji Water Company and Danone Waters of North America brands.

Look, you plebs. Nestlé has been fulfilling your dihydrogen monoxide needs for years. But now? Now they’re going after the big boys. The deep pockets. Who is that, you may wonder? It’s the laaaaaaadies!!!! According to Cooper, the target demo for this not-redundant product is higher-income women who are “a little more on the trendy side.” Oh, and if you’re 35, all the better. Cooper elaborated on what he hopes the future of the brand is, and who this swanky Resource Woman is.

“We want to raise it to the level of a lifestyle brand,” he said, “where she’s proud to carry around Resource as her bottled water accessory, so to speak.”

He totally gets me. I get dressed every day and I think, boy, my outfit is really missing something. I wonder if I’m carrying around the wrong water? Actually, it might be worth a try; if this promotional video is to be believed, drinking Resource will allow you to turn your surroundings into a shallow pond and give you the ability to perform acrobatics. Because there is nothing women like more than yoga and interpretive dance.

Well I’m convinced! Sign me up for the Resource Army!

If you watched the video all the way to the end, you may have noticed the tagline of the campaign: Discover Electrolytenment. Because that’s a thing, I guess. (It’s worth noting that only endurance athletes need to worry about replenishing electrolytes. Normal people who take a 30 minute jog do not.)

Don’t forget that this is a prestige product. You get to show off your socio-economic status and stay hydrated at the same time. Forget that using plastic water bottles is wildly wasteful; this is all about you.

I’m not saying to not drink filtered water. Sometimes your tap water is just gross. I know mine is. But, instead of putting your worth into overpriced fancy pants water, I might suggest just buying one of these or something similar. The message you’re sending? It’s just water. I have stuff to do. Get out of my way.

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Image credit: Flickr

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272 comments

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8:33PM PDT on Jun 25, 2013

hey you liberal 1%

6:15AM PDT on Jun 24, 2013

stupid waste of money

4:11AM PDT on Jun 20, 2013

:) i totaly agree ith you Melania P. :) this is STUPID A LOT ... Thank you ...

3:06AM PDT on Jun 20, 2013

Unreal! It's probably just good tap water anyway... Wanna waste $? Knock yourself out. OR, you could buy your own home filtration unit (carbon media or reverse osmosis) keep a few of those plastic bottles that will pollute the oceans soon (or buy your own bottle of some sort) & fill all you want for MUCH cheaper! Oh, & continue to reuse those bottles.

7:51PM PDT on Jun 19, 2013

Thank you for the hysterical post! I love your work; you have a way with words that tickles my funny bone. As for Resource, I do not buy bottled water, and if I did, I would not buy anything from Nestle.

2:53PM PDT on Jun 19, 2013

Just another example of what is wrong with our society.

9:20AM PDT on Jun 19, 2013

I wish I could give everyone a star!

9:19AM PDT on Jun 19, 2013

I was going to add some sarcasm here but everyone else covered it so well! :)

10:03PM PDT on Jun 18, 2013

So f*&king funny!

6:18PM PDT on Jun 18, 2013

LOLLLLLLL I don't even know what to say to this product, it's like too dumb for comment. Who are these mysterious women that are always the "target audience" for this crap? Do they really exist? None of them are ever anything like me or anyone I know. I guess my social circle is invisible to marketing. But I suppose that's a good thing.

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