Halloween Eco-Horror: Costumes to Terrify the Green at Heart

Scared of ghosts and witches? No, me either. But for the green at heart, there are plenty of terrifying characters out there, from climate change naysayers to vacuous pundits, not to mention the “greener than thou” people in my life, who can make me feel all dark and twisty and jealous, despite my best efforts to tread the path of sustainability.

As you prepare for Halloween parties with environmentally conscious friends, here are 6 costumes guaranteed to scare the heck out of greenies everywhere:

Global Warming Denier
Costume: Black and white feathers and a big bucket of sand: insert head.
Catch phrase: It’s a little muffled because of the sand, but it sounds like “I don’t see any problem!”
Why it’s scary: Because more Americans believe in haunted houses than human-caused climate change.

Mantra Maid
Costume: Matching fair-trade organic yoga outfit, not an unsightly bump to be seen. Perky ponytail. Double jointed hip sockets, soothing voice.
Catch Phrase: “Beautiful!”
Why it’s scary: Because even though you know yoga is not a competitive sport, this person is so darned perfect. Grrrrr.

Clean Coal Guy
Costume: Pigpen meets Bernie Madoff: sharp suit, slicked-back hair, stovepipe hat emitting puffs of toxic smoke alternating with streams of poisoned, um, water.
Catch phrase: “We gotta lot of coal and it’s CHEAP!”
Why it’s scary: Because it’s proof that spin doctors can make anything sound like a good idea. (see also: Relax, CO2 Is Good For You)

Food Cop
Costume: Large recycled box of all-natural, local vegetables; flax-seed earrings
Catch phrase: “Your body’s a temple–do you know what’s in that candy bar?”
Why it’s scary: Because like Mantra Maid, Food Cop reminds you that you could always be doing better, and that macaroni and cheese out of a box is more sinful than sloth, lust and avarice combined.

Polar Ice-less Dude
Costume: Dress like a large glass of water…it’s too warm to freeze.
Catch Phrase: “I’m melting…meeeeelting!”
Why it’s scary: Because it’s coming true.

Apathy Chick:

Costume: Sweatshop-made designer togs, keys to Hummer around her neck, baby seal fur ear muffs.
Catch Phrase: “Whatever.”
Why it’s scary: Because nothing is more frightening and dangerous for us right now than not caring.

Your turn…other scary costume ideas???

Photo: Venturist/Mia via Flickr, Creative Commons license

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Stella Gamboni
Stella Gamboni3 years ago

My vote for scariest costume this year goes to the guy dressed as President Mitt Romney.

Nancy L.
Nancy L.6 years ago

How about the Super Recycling Family: Dress the kids in outfits made from old newspaper, cardboard boxes, etc. "Mom" is decked out with multiple reusable shopping bags, and "Dad" sports a plastic recycling bin (strapped around his shoulders like the trays cigarette girls or ball park vendors use.) One member of the family should carry a very small bag marked "trash" to represent how little waste doesn't get recycled by them, and perhaps another carries the compost pail from the kitchen.
Why it's scary: no matter how much you do, someone always does more or does it better.

Kevin D.
Kevin D.6 years ago

The scariest thing I can think of is to wear a World population graph. According to the chart we are all doomed in about 12 years.

"Eat drink, and be merry... for tomorrow we die."

Sarah D.
Sarah D.6 years ago

"how committed are you about your concern of overpopulation"

The more humans are born, the more resources we consume. It also costs money to take care of children, and what's money made of?

Jim Hefti
Jim Hefti6 years ago

how about Obama on stimulants, that would be a peace package?

Polly Keogan
Pauline Shima6 years ago

I'm going to be a tree complete with some of of my sons stuffed animals pinned to me. I will hang a sign around my neck saying 'free hugs' so I can truly be a tree hugger. LOL!
I was considering taking some cans & plastic bottles on chains or string and tying them around my legs like Jacob Marley in A Christmas Carol but I don't think anyone will get it.

Kari D.
Kari D.6 years ago

I've got 1 to add to your list Diane B. BU$H! ares me just ciking the name!

Monika A.
Monika A.6 years ago

My scary costume idea:
getting dressed as a slaughtered baby seal, on ice. Maybe as one just days or weeks old, with big black eyes.
Catch Phrase: "Think!"
Why it's scary: Because we still couldn't stop this industry !!

Jen D.
Past Member 6 years ago

I was thinking of some animal, such as a tiger or leopard, either with bloody bulletholes or with snares with some blood on them. The scary part is that it really is happening, although I am not sure if it would scare "green" types as much as regular people...

Kirsten G.
Kirsten G.6 years ago

*bottle; not "bottom" Oops, lol. :D