Scared of ghosts and witches? No, me either. But for the green at heart, there are plenty of terrifying characters out there, from climate change naysayers to vacuous pundits, not to mention the “greener than thou” people in my life, who can make me feel all dark and twisty and jealous, despite my best efforts to tread the path of sustainability.
As you prepare for Halloween parties with environmentally conscious friends, here are 6 costumes guaranteed to scare the heck out of greenies everywhere:
Global Warming Denier
Costume: Black and white feathers and a big bucket of sand: insert head.
Catch phrase: It’s a little muffled because of the sand, but it sounds like “I don’t see any problem!”
Why it’s scary: Because more Americans believe in haunted houses than human-caused climate change.
Costume: Matching fair-trade organic yoga outfit, not an unsightly bump to be seen. Perky ponytail. Double jointed hip sockets, soothing voice.
Catch Phrase: “Beautiful!”
Why it’s scary: Because even though you know yoga is not a competitive sport, this person is so darned perfect. Grrrrr.
Clean Coal Guy
Costume: Pigpen meets Bernie Madoff: sharp suit, slicked-back hair, stovepipe hat emitting puffs of toxic smoke alternating with streams of poisoned, um, water.
Catch phrase: “We gotta lot of coal and it’s CHEAP!”
Why it’s scary: Because it’s proof that spin doctors can make anything sound like a good idea. (see also: Relax, CO2 Is Good For You)
Costume: Large recycled box of all-natural, local vegetables; flax-seed earrings
Catch phrase: “Your body’s a temple–do you know what’s in that candy bar?”
Why it’s scary: Because like Mantra Maid, Food Cop reminds you that you could always be doing better, and that macaroni and cheese out of a box is more sinful than sloth, lust and avarice combined.
Polar Ice-less Dude
Costume: Dress like a large glass of water…it’s too warm to freeze.
Catch Phrase: “I’m melting…meeeeelting!”
Why it’s scary: Because it’s coming true.
Costume: Sweatshop-made designer togs, keys to Hummer around her neck, baby seal fur ear muffs.
Catch Phrase: “Whatever.”
Why it’s scary: Because nothing is more frightening and dangerous for us right now than not caring.
Your turn…other scary costume ideas???
Photo: Venturist/Mia via Flickr, Creative Commons license