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The Women's Rights Cause
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Loading...Iraqi Men May Be Paid To Marry Women Over 35
Amid all the recent talk about the war in Iraq, one cost seems to be relatively hidden: as with World War I, many of the country’s young men have died during the violence of the past seven years, creating a kind of “lost generation.” This has had devastating consequences for Iraqi women who came of age during the war, many of whom despair of ever getting married. This has serious social implications in a culture where single women over the age of 30 face considerable stigma and severe social limitations. The issue is so problematic that women’s rights activists have even considered offering cash incentives to men prepared to marry older women or take second wives.
In Iraqi society, women are expected to be married by their teens or early twenties. Single women in their thirties are considered an anomaly, and generally continue living with their families. They are often unable to leave the house without a male escort because women who lack a husband’s protection are seen as vulnerable. Work opportunities are hard to come by, and these women are easily exploited by their families, forced to cook, clean, or take care of children.
The war has made cross-sect marriages between Sunnis and Shiites far less common, and disrupted many of the structures that were considered essential to arranging marriages. Violence made family visits more difficult, and many young men can’t afford the expenses necessary for marriage.
One woman explained, “The last seven years of fighting has killed whatever chance I had of marrying. I no longer think of marriage.” Another explained that her sister-in-law treated her like a “house slave. She continued, “There are no suitable public places where someone like me can meet someone and eventually marry.”
A woman’s rights activist said that she cautiously backed the idea of cash incentives for men to marry older women, but also voiced concern, saying, “Women are not merchandise for sale, there must be guarantees of good intentions on the part of the men if we allow this to go ahead.” Others disagreed, saying that the issue was structural, and that women needed to be given opportunities to create a career, rather than relying on marriage for survival.
The latter is certainly the perspective I would take. Incentivizing marriage to older women using what is essentially a cash bribe reduces the chance that the woman will be treated with any kind of respect, and ultimately doesn’t solve the problem, which is that unmarried women have great difficulty surviving in Iraqi society. Giving women the tools to become independent is the solution, not paying off men and thus reinforcing a system that denies women any kind of autonomy. Clearly, this is a place where large systemic change has to occur.
Read more: arranged marriage, bribery, iraq, iraq war, iraqi men, iraqi women, marriage, shiite muslim, sunni muslim, violence, women over 35, womens rights
Photo from DefenseLink.mil.
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+ add your ownGive these women survival skills first then a husband.
Problem is money which Iraqi men may be paid. Marriage is not a business. Otherwise its a very good idea to keep someone in shelter without expectation ...
It is very nice to be cared for by men but isn't better to be able to care for oneself alone. Women should be given the tools to live even if there is no man in her life. She should not need to be dependent on others.
Please give the women education. The time of arranged marriages is past. Women should not have to depend on males for survival. It has never served them well, that is for sure.
Providing education and empowering women would be the most cost effective way to create stability in Iraq for the long term. Females generally try to establish social networks among their peers and bring people together in a spirit of co-operation in many work situations. Yeah, a gross generalization. But, I am part of it.
Women trained in science, medicine, and politics would take some of the stress off of the existing systems creating a "kinder, gentler" Iraq. Then the men can continue to kill each other off.
When I read how women are treated in other countries, I am so thankful I was born in the USA. Conditions here are not perfect for women, but when you compare them to other countries, we are indeed very lucky.
War is hell and everyone suffers.
I cannot imagine how a women over 35 whose husband has been paid to marry her will be treated after marraige. Last month I was staying in a hotel in Paris and while at breakfast at the next table sat an older arab gentleman and a beautiful very young wife who was dressed in black from head to toe with only part of her face showing.
This girl turned to me and asked gently if she could use the salt. She then went back to her table spinkled salt on her husband's meal asked him if it was ok and returned very meekly to my table to return what she had borrowed. She then sat down and waited for her husband to start eating before taking a bite off her own plate. I was so shocked at the submissivness of this girl that I had to leave the table suddenly I did not feel like eating. I just felt pity that this girl was destined to live life serving her husband. This was a young educated girl and I am sure this old gentleman did not have to be paid to marry her in fact this was their honeymoon.
interesting read,
If this is accepted by the women the man must give the woman the money to put in her bank to use as she pleases. That would give the woman power in the relationship and a way out.
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