Man Sues to Marry His Laptop, Says it’s No Different Than Gay Marriage
We’ve seen a number of ridiculous arguments against same sex marriage, even as more Americans are accepting the right to enter into a legally sanctioned monogamous relationship with one partner of legal age, regardless of the gender of that partner. Previously so-called “natural marriage” advocates have warned that same sex unions would lead to allowances to marry anything from robots to animals to even tables and chairs.
But no one ever made the effort to sue to try and make one of those ridiculous examples a reality. At least, not until now.
Meet Chris Sevier, who tried to insert himself into the gay marriage debate in Florida by filing to be allowed to marry his “porn-filled computer.” According to the local Palm Beach press, Sevier filed a lawsuit asking that he be able to enter into a legal relationship with his laptop because, basically, it meets his sexual needs.
“In the 24-page document, Sevier says that if gay couples ‘have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object,’” reports the local paper, which also notes that Sevier has a longstanding history of filing frivolous and attention-seeking court cases in an attempt to try and show his support for traditional marriage.
Unamused by the gumming up of the court system, a Florida judge has already thrown out his suit, calling it irrelevant. “Perhaps the motion is satirical. Or perhaps it is only removed from reality. Either way, the motion has no place in this lawsuit,” Judge Robert Hinkle wrote with its dismissal on April 24, according to New York Daily News.
Seiver, who actually was trained as a lawyer but has been forbidden from practicing law since 2011 due to “mental infirmity or illness,” is unshockingly being applauded by some far right same sex marriage opponents for his alleged exposing of both the irrationality of same sex marriage and the evils of pornography. “Satirical or not, Sevier’s science is sound when he claims his pornographic addiction has left him with an unorthodox sexual preference he finds difficult to overcome,” writes Kristen Andersen at Lifesitenews.com. ”…In Sevier’s case, he claims he bonded with his computer at the expense of his marriage to his wife – a sad but all-too-common occurrence, based on the multiple public testimonies of men who have said the same thing.”
There are a number of simple reasons why Seiver’s plea bears no resemblance to any sort of civil rights issue involved in the marriage question. Legal rights cannot be be conferred onto an inanimate object, one with no consciousness and hence no ability to consent to a marriage or “relationship” in the first place. There is no ability to transfer property. Marriage itself requires a birth certificate or proof of identity, none of which could be issued. In fact, the one reason that Seiver offers in defense of his man/machine relationship is an allegation of sexual attraction, which ironically enough isn’t something that is a requirement for actually getting married.
So, as a publicity stunt, well, Seiver was at least successful in running up headlines, which is exactly what he likely intended. As a true public commentary on the supposed irrationality of same sex marriage, however, Seiver came no where near even making clever satire. Any gay marriage opponent who claims otherwise is instead making it clear that they really don’t understand marriage at all, either.
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