The Most Awkward “We the People” Petition Imaginable
I wonder if, when the Obama administration first set up the We the People petition site, they thought it would be used to essentially tell them to frack off. If they didn’t, boy do they have egg on their faces now! Why? According to The Huffington Post, residents from over 20 states have signed or filed petitions asking for permission to secede from the union.
I just…I can’t deal with you anymore, America. I’m mostly looking at you, Texas. Every damn Texan I know has joked about how Texas is so self-sufficient and doesn’t need our burdensome government. Just do it, already. Or don’t. Just stop talking about it. You think you can do this better? Try it. I dare you.
Or how about you, Arkansas? You weren’t the biggest moocher per capita, but you also weren’t the smallest. About that $4,541,020,980 you got from the federal government in fiscal year 2008. Yeah…we’re gonna need that back. Look, as a citizen of the United States, I’m perfectly happy to give money to family. But my neighbor? I’ll gladly lend you my lawnmower. I just expect it to be returned.
Honestly, I might have expected this from a few fringe banana nut bars, but some of these petitions already have over 10,000 signatures! To get a response from the White House, a petition must get 25,000 signatures in 30 days. This petition doesn’t need any more signatures!
I know it makes me a snob, but I’m going to be honest with you. I kinda expected this from the American South. But New York! You realize that in 2008 you were in the top five states when it came to receiving federal aid, don’t you? And Oregon! Why?
I have so many questions, not the least of which is who among us thinks this is a proportional response to an election outcome that you’re less than pleased with? (Oh stop being naive. These petitions were created on the heals of the presidential election.) We’ve been doing this whole representative democracy thing for a while now. We’ve elected crappy presidents and presidents whose stars have only shone brighter with time. Do we really need to pitch a fit every time someone is elected with whom we disagree?
Trust me on this. I know. I live in Kansas. Besides Kathleen Sebelius and Nancy Boyda (that one time), I never get to elect someone that is even in the same ideological ball park. And you know what I do? I deal with it. Because I’m an adult. And adults argue positions and philosophies without stomping off in a huff.
It sucks to live in a place among people whose values don’t reflect your own. But you know what, states who want to secede? You don’t necessarily live in that place.
So Obamacare will go into full effect. So taxes on the wealthy might go up. You know what won’t happen? No one is going to take away your guns. We are not descending into socialism (not that I don’t think that wouldn’t be a bangin’ idea). We’re still a capitalist society where money can buy you way too much.
In short, secession is not a proportional response. The fact that so many people seem to think that it is is wildly disturbing. But all in all, I’m not too worried. Gawker put it pithier than I ever could:
[I]t remains to be seen if this movement is more than a toothless temper tantrum thrown by armchair revolutionaries.
Smart money is on toothless temper tantrum.
Image credit: Shawn Rossi