The Pistol-Packin’, Cigarette Smokin’, Laptop-Killin’ Dad

Watch this, read some of the the text excerpts on page 2 and then please let us know what you think.  I’ve posted my own thoughts – mostly because I really think this is a topic worthy of discussion – the message as much as the laptop-murdering medium.  Please comment – and maybe we need to try to separate the punishment itself from the weapon of choice as we consider this.

I wish I knew if this guy’s (his name is Tommy Jordan) version of the story is accurate. It’s hard to tell when although “offered a chance to respond” Hannah, at least in his version, hasn’t chosen to do so.   I wonder how many kids said the things in this post to a friend in the “olden days” when there was no Facebook to use for evidence. I am embarrassed by my ambivalence. I want to know more.

The way Jordan talked about “Linda” who cleans their house says a lot about him beyond the fact that he has a gun. Hard work is a currency of respect which his daughter does not understand.  Entitled kids often don’t get the message – try to raise a kid in LA!

So although anyone’s first reaction is to be horrified, I see the laptop shooting more as a piece of theater than a “shooting” by a gun nut. I am writing this at great personal risk to my reputation, but because I think there is a lot to talk about here – not only about guns, but about parents and kids (over-entitled and otherwise) and that weird company that’s about to go public… oh yeah, Facebook.  Read some of Jordan’s full statement, from his own Facebook page:

Why Facebook?

To answer “Why did you reprimand her over a public medium like Facebook” my answer is this: Because that’s how I was raised. If I did something embarrassing to my parents in public (such as a grocery store) I got my tail tore up right there in front of God and everyone, right there in the store. I put the reprisal in exactly the same medium she did, in the exact same manner. Her post went out to about 452 people. Mine went out to about 550 people… originally. I had no idea it would become what it did.

Q: How effective do you think your punishment was (i.e. shooting her laptop and reading her letter online)?

A: I think it was very effective on one front. She apparently didn’t remember being talked to about previous incidents, nor did she seem to remember the effects of having it taken away, nor did the eventual long-term grounding seem to get through to her. I think she thought “Well, I’ll just wait it out and I’ll get it back eventually.” Her behavior corrected for a short time, and then it went back to what it was before and worse. This time, she won’t ever forget and it’ll be a long time before she has an opportunity to post on Facebook again. I feel pretty certain that every day from then to now, whenever one of her friends mentions Facebook, she’ll remember it and wish she hadn’t done what she did.

The second lesson I want her to learn is the value of a dollar. We don’t give her everything she asks for, but you can all imagine what it’s like being the only grandchild and the first child. Presents and money come from all sides when you’re young. Most of the things she has that are “cool” were bought or gifted that way. She’s always asked for very few things, but they’re always high-dollar things (iPod, laptop, smartphone, etc). Eventually she gets given enough money to get them. That’s not learning the value of a dollar. Its knowing how to save money, which I greatly applaud in her, but it’s not enough. She wants a digital SLR camera. She wants a 22 rifle like mine. She wants a car. She wants a smart phone with a data package and unlimited texting. (I have to hear about that one every week!)

Just because she has parents?

She thinks all these things are supposed to be given to her because she’s got parents. It’s not going to happen, at least not in our house. She can get a job and work for money just like everyone else. Then she can spend it on anything she wants (within reason). If she wants to work for two months to save enough to purchase a $1000 SLR camera with an $800 lens, then I can guarantee she’ll NEVER leave it outside at night. She’ll be careful when she puts it away and carries it around. She’ll value it much more because she worked so hard to get it. Instead, with the current way things have been given to her, she’s on about her fourth phone and just expects another one when she breaks the one she has. …

Until then, she can do chores, and lots and lots of them, so the people who ARE feeding her, clothing her, paying for all her school trips, paying for her musical instruments, can have some time to relax after they finish working to support her and the rest of the family. She can either work to make money on her own, or she will do chores to contribute around the house.

What did Hannah say?

Q: How did your daughter respond to the video and to what happened to her laptop?

A: She responded to the video with “I can’t believe you shot my computer!” That was the first thing she said when she found out about it. Then we sat and we talked for quite a long while on the back patio about the things she did, the things I did in response, etc.

Later after she’d had time to process it and I’d had time to process her thoughts on the matters we discussed, we were back to a semi-truce… you know that uncomfortable moment when you’re in the kitchen with your child after an argument and you’re both waiting to see which one’s going to cave in and resume normal conversation first? Yeah, that moment. I told her about the video response and about it going viral and about the consequences it could have on our family for the next couple of days and asked if she wanted to see some of the comments people had made. After the first few hundred comments, she was astounded with the responses.

People were telling her she was going to commit suicide, commit a gun-related crime, become a drug addict, drop out of school, get pregnant on purpose, and become a stripper because she’s too emotionally damaged now to be a productive member of society. Apparently stripper was the job-choice of most of the commenters. Her response was “Dude… it’s only a computer. I mean, yeah I’m mad but pfft.” She actually asked me to post a comment on one of the threads (and I did) asking what other job fields the victims of laptop-homicide were eligible for because she wasn’t too keen on the stripping thing.

We agreed we learned two collective lessons from this so far:

First: As her father, I’ll definitely do what I say I will, both positive and negative and she can depend on that. She no longer has any doubt about that.

Second: We have always told her what you put online can affect you forever. Years later a single Facebook/MySpace/Twitter comment can affect her eligibility for a good job and can even get her fired from a job she already has. She’s seen first-hand through this video the worst possible scenario that can happen. One post, made by her Dad, will probably follow him the rest of his life; just like those mean things she said on Facebook will stick with the people her words hurt for a long time to come. Once you put it out there, you can’t take it back, so think carefully before you use the internet to broadcast your thoughts and feelings.


Related posts:

The Biology of Nurturing Fathers

The President Reflects on Being a Good Father [VIDEO]

Child Safety? A Father’s Call for a Longer View


Photo: Freeze frame from Video

Love This? Never Miss Another Story.


Sidney Hammond
Dean Hammond3 years ago

He only appears to me as a redneck controlling loser and a very good example of poor parenting. Shooting a laptop with a gun? And his wife agreed? Must be the bible belt. Somone take his gun away!! His daughter should move out as soon as she can.

Sidney Hammond
Dean Hammond3 years ago

He only appears to me as a redneck controlling loser and a very good example of poor parenting. Shooting a laptop with a gun? And his wife agreed? Must be the bible belt. Somone take his gun away!! His daughter should move out as soon as she can.

Lee Witton
3 years ago

correction...better understanding

Lee Witton
3 years ago

The long and short of what took place between a father and his daughter seems to have evolved in perhaps a better understand of how hateful actions (daughter) effects a relationship and how healing can only take place when those involved work on that relationship. I watched the recent interview of father and daughter and I have always thought the father's actions were a little far out there, but nothing to criticize him over. I only wish far more parents would pay attention and have the desire to work on relationships rather than the "oh well; she/he is just a kid" scenario.

Debbie Crowe
Debbie Crowe3 years ago

Tommy Jordan is good!! He got his point across, and his daughter's attention.

Our son was defiant at that age and thought we owed him everything. Once he got a job and realized how long it took to pay for things, he respected money a lot more.

I am glad to read that Mr. Jordan & his daughter are working things out now.

Mark S.
Mark S.3 years ago

I can see his point, but to post it on the internet? Somebody wants attention. He should have just kicked her out. I would have.

Deb L.
Deb L.3 years ago

tsk, tsk....

Eternal Gardener
Eternal Gardener3 years ago

It takes all sorts...

Joy Dantine
Joy Dantine3 years ago

Control freak.

Kimberlee W.
Kimberlee W.3 years ago

I guess this entire encounter is in the eyes of the beholder.

What I saw, and mind you, this is from a non-parent who generally sides with youth for simpatico' reasons,
was a man who was HURT. Did no one else see that in his eyes or hear it in the slight cracks in his voice?
I know, growing up, that I had the kind of parents who wanted us kids to see them as omnipotent.
That made it really hard to see them as human like I was as a teen. Therefore, it was difficult, if not impossible to have empathy for them. I couldn't understand that they had feelings like me.
Once, when I was 16 1/2, (that half matters for the amount of life experience at that age), my mother let down her guard and in the midst of a screaming fit betwixt us, she disgorged into my face, "YOU HURT ME!!!!!!!!!!".
It was a wake-up moment for me, that I actually had the capacity to hurt her. And I was the kind of person who always would take hurt upon myself to save others from it. So it hit me HARD.
Parents would be a whole lot better off occasionally letting their kids see that they can be vulnerable too. I know it would've changed my relationship with them forever. By that age, they'd already solidified the notion that I was simply a brat. At 54, they still think that.