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What If We Just Stopped Judging Moms?

What If We Just Stopped Judging Moms?

 

Buried somewhere in this piece on moms who smoke pot is an interesting conversation on motherhood, judgment, and the fact that ohmygod mothers are people who do things like drink wine and smoke pot. I’m not just sure where it is.

Writer Corey Binns profiles a handful of “normal” moms who all happen to enjoy getting high and who are also apparently “tired of being judged” by moms who drink wine. It’s good too, because it had been a while since I read a trend piece pitting women against women. Here’s Margaret the mom who likes to get high:

“Being judged for doing something nontoxic and totally organic, enjoying a god-given plant, by moms who suck back two bottles of Chardonnay like sports drinks feels like s—,” complains Margaret. “Any hypocrisy is hard to swallow. A drunk mother is pathetic and I often leave parties when I experience other mothers tying one on.”

The piece really does try to paint the picture that other than legal prohibition there’s no difference between using marijuana responsibly and using alcohol responsibly. But apparently the fact that mothers do both these things is just too much. Diane Fornbacher, co-vice chair of the Women’s Alliance at NORMAL is able to frame the issue a little less divisively, but even Formbacher can’t help but fall into the trap of pitting mommies against mommies.

“No matter what you use, you shouldn’t be judged if it works for you, you’re productive, and you do no harm,” says Diane Fornbacher, co-vice chair of the Women’s Alliance at NORML, the non-profit lobbying organization working to legalize marijuana. “Marijuana parents aren’t perfect, but they’re far less imperfect than parents who use alcohol irresponsibly. Cannabis can influence people to be nicer to one another. You rarely find a story that says two stoners beat each other up outside of a bar.”

Admittedly I’m puzzled by many of the “gangs” this article creates. Certainly some moms like to smoke pot AND drink wine and do both responsibly, for example. And isn’t the real story here that anything taken to excess is, well, excessive and by its nature contrary to good parenting?

The larger point, the point that Fornbacher makes initially is that mother’s actions are under constant scrutiny and that women will be judged. By everyone. For everything. Instead of pitting moms who chose to get high over moms who drink wine, let’s talk about that truth. In fact, we need to talk about that truth because we’re increasingly criminalizing women’s choices. And that, by it’s very nature, requires a judgment on proper motherhood.

 

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Photo from josephadams via flickr.

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81 comments

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7:53AM PDT on Oct 2, 2012

interesting comments. being drunk may be worse, but it isnt illegal. pot is

4:05PM PDT on Jul 26, 2012

If it is unfair or not it is illegal to smoke pot at the moment. I think it says something about a parent who will break the law, knowing that they could be arrested or lose their kids.

It doesn't matter if its unfair. It doesn't matter if it just makes you mellow. It doesn't matter that other,legal things are worse. All that matters is that as long as pot remains illegal these parents are risking a lot just to get stoned. I think that shows a sad state when a parent would risk their kids because they don't like the law so they ignore it. That shows how much they really value their kids.

I don't ageee with the law but i will not break it because i love my kids and would never risk them for something as stupid as pot.

2:29PM PDT on Jul 20, 2012

I personally know a few people who smoke pot and are parents and they should have their kids taken away form them, one couple goes out side to smoke pot and leaves their new born baby inside all alone, now the mom of they guy (my brothers friend) called the cops on him even though his girlfriend was the one that caused the problem and he cannot see his daughter even though his girlfriend was the one abusing the baby the most. and yes the whole family is on drugs.
Another guy i know has cops and social services coming to his house looking for the mother is his second child because when she and her friend where smoking pot and stoned they dropped their baby on the concrete floor outside, the mother and her mom dropped everything and left. His first child with another woman and her new guy are not letting him see his child, and guess what they all smoke pot. so if you have a young child and you smoke, yes i will judge you and yes you do need your child taken away. When you smoke pot you become irresponsible and you have to be responsible to care for a child

8:32PM PDT on Jul 19, 2012

I wish we we had a president with the BALLS to stand up to the Drug Czar and those whiney, always bitchin' alarmists who are afraid we or someone might be having too much safe fun while smoking a joint. every president in the last couple of decades has either promised to legalize once in the White House, then WUSSED OUT or didn't care to allow all of us to smoke even though He did himself....clears throat, W. I've already been to prison for possessing an 1/8 of an ounce 13 1/2 yrs. ago, been living with my mom for nearly 3mos. now since W. screwed up the economy and haven't smoked, but needed to since moving in.
Come on people, if a presidential canidate is gonna screw us over AND not gonna legalize pot across the board for everyone, recreational and medical, then why are they getting our vote to keep opressing us and locking us up, fining us and making a killing off of us by looking the other way as it comes into this country then busting us and taking our possessions for themselves, or selling them to support more raids. When are we gonna stand up, make a vote for us and our country and our rights as free Americans should have.
I'm not only a pothead, I am also an ex-jarhead....Marine for those not in the know.

5:39PM PDT on Jul 19, 2012

listen far be it for me to judge anyone, but if your pregnant , then the laws of nature should kick in, the first rule is to protect the young, so don't harm the unborn , a woman only has to be moderate for 9 months ,while carrying the baby , once born , the woman can drink smoke all she likes? but if drunk or stoned the mom would miss much of the babies development, so if drugs and or alcohol are so important , maybe your not ready to think of someone else first? simple answer -don't get pregnant. life is hard enough , without being born with an addiction

3:52PM PDT on Jul 19, 2012

Drunk parents are by far worst!

3:44PM PDT on Jul 19, 2012

Life is short, then we die, so why on earth would I want to deprive myself of the simple pleasures of this world? This planet is superb and smoking pot is just one of the pleasures out there to be enjoyed. If heroin, crack and crystal meth weren't so destructive I would love those too, but I wouldn't advise a pregnant woman to indulge in anything that could harm the child. As for legitimate reasons...who needs one? When people tell me how depressed and stressed out they are, I always think: 'They're wasting good time and energy worrying, instead of having a nice time! What right does the government, or anyone, have, to tell people what they should do and shouldn't do with their own bodies? Next thing they'll be outlawing tattoos! Which like drugs is "nobody's business but our own."

2:48PM PDT on Jul 19, 2012

Excuse me, but no one is in a position to judge another person's form of self-medication.

As it happens (granted it is legal here), I didn't start smoking until quite mature, when I discovered it helped relieve migraine much more effectively than medication, and with little to no side-effects (sometimes still 'high' the next day).

I also drastically changed my diet so that I don't need a 'cure' for migraine as often, although I do sometimes need it for stress.

I actually don't like being 'high', but am grateful there is a non-toxic method for relieving pain and anxiety.

I don't drink alcohol - don't like the smell, and I'm allergic to anything that has been aged or fermented.
I try to avoid being around people who drink because just one glass 'too many', seems to be an easy excuse for bad behaviour.

"To each his own ..."

2:48PM PDT on Jul 19, 2012

Excuse me, but no one is in a position to judge another person's form of self-medication.

As it happens (granted it is legal here), I didn't start smoking until quite mature, when I discovered it helped relieve migraine much more effectively than medication, and with little to no side-effects (sometimes still 'high' the next day).

I also drastically changed my diet so that I don't need a 'cure' for migraine as often, although I do sometimes need it for stress.

I actually don't like being 'high', but am grateful there is a non-toxic method for relieving pain and anxiety.

I don't drink alcohol - don't like the smell, and I'm allergic to anything that has been aged or fermented.
I try to avoid being around people who drink because just one glass 'too many', seems to be an easy excuse for bad behaviour.

"To each his own ..."

1:20PM PDT on Jul 19, 2012

Stop judging moms.
Because it hurts kids.
Pointing fingers, name calling, labeling. They all diminish and undermine one of the main supports a child has.

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