Is This Really from John McCain? No, Really.
(Note: In the spirit of “keep your friends close but your enemies closer” I’m on the mailing lists of several Republican organizations. This week I got a message from John McCain, asking me to take a survey about the upcoming battle over whomever Obama nominates for the Supreme Court. The urge to parody that message was just too difficult to pass up….)
An Important Message from John McCain
With the announcement of the retirement of Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens, we, the patriots at COKBRAA-PAC (Country OK But Republicans Above All – Political Action Committee) felt it was essential to take the pulse of the American people about the next nominee.
Supreme Court Justices, even those like ultra-liberal Ruth Bader Ginsberg, enjoy lifetime appointments (where are those Obama death panels when we need’em, ha ha!). They exercise an inordinate sway over legislative matters and exert tremendous influence over all aspects of this great American life. For example:
- Do you want unborn life thrown to the wolves (put that sniper rifle down, Gov. Palin!)?
- Do you want your doctor’s waiting room overflowing with government-subsidized “patients” who might actually have appointments ahead of yours??
- Do you support even more burdensome regulations on those fine folks who are giving of themselves (not to mention a few mountains, but who’s counting?) to provide “clean” coal and cheap energy?
- Do you want to keep guns out of the hands of high school students who are just trying to protect themselves?
Yes, all of these things – and more! – could happen! Consequently, it’s critical that the “right” person be chosen.
To this end, we have created a simple survey – just three little questions! – that will take only a few minutes of your time: we know how busy you are protesting entitlement spending and the endangered species act. Our survey is balanced and fair. The questions are formulated to reflect a wide range of opinions, from correct to incorrect. For example, in a previous survey we asked: Has Obama stopped being a terrorist? This survey is committed to that degree of impartiality.
The results of this survey will be distributed to those right-thinking men and women in Congress on the front lines of rejecting anybody that Obama might choose. Let’s give them some ammunition (before an activist Supreme Court takes away even the symbolic possession of AK-47s!). So, my friend, put a tea bag into your party mug (that’s just a metaphor, folks) and let’s begin!
1. Since liberal Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens announced his retirement, it has been presumed that President Obama’s nominee for that vacancy will be equally liberal (FYI: “liberal” is progressive-speak for “reckless and un-American.”) Which type of nominee would you like to see fill the vacant seat?
a. A Judicial Conservative, a justice who believes judges should not legislate from the bench but instead do what Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh tell them to do.
b. A Judicial Liberal, a justice who believes the Constitution is a living document, out to raise taxes and increase the deficit.
c. A Judicial Moderate, a justice who balances both conservative and liberal philosophies and as a result is soft on terrorism.
2. President Obama has indicated he will announce his choice to replace Justice Stevens very soon and has asked the U.S. Senate for a “swift” confirmation process (FYI: “swift” is progressive-speak for “liberal” and “John Kerry”). Do you believe Senators should give President Obama’s nominee a swift confirmation?
a. No, I believe our elected leaders in the Senate have a responsibility to make a careful and educated decision based on a vigorous and thorough examination of the nominee’s qualifications and philosophy, as well as distort any of the nominee’s positions that might otherwise make him or her look good.
b. Yes, I agree with President Obama that Senators should confirm his nominee as quickly as possible, without proper scrutiny of a nominee’s qualifications and philosophy.
c. What was the question?
3. In 2008, President Obama nominated Justice Sonia Sotomayor to serve on the Supreme Court, whom many conservatives thought to be too liberal in her judicial philosophy. Using Justice Sotomayor as an example of the type of nominee President Obama may choose, what is your position on supporting his next nominee for the Supreme Court?
a. President Obama has a more liberal judicial philosophy than mine, and I do not anticipate supporting his eventual nominee.
b. President Obama has a less conservative judicial philosophy than mine, and I do not anticipate supporting his eventual nominee.
c. Sotomayor…isn’t that a Muslim name?
Now just click “Submit” for your voice to be heard! And, my friend, before you leave the COKBRAA-PAC site, we’re asking you to “put your money where your mouth is.” You can donate any amount but just remember: anything less than $100 would be liberal.