Pop Goes Gender: What are the effects of growing up "genderless?"
posted by: Ximena R. 127 days ago
One of the first questions people ask when a woman is pregnant is often, “Is it a boy or a girl?”
While the answer to this question can be quite simple the implications are far greater. As soon as the child's sex is revealed the gender games begin – Pink vs. blue. Dolls vs. trucks. Cute vs. strong.
Depending on the child's gender, his or her experiences with the rest of the world – even before birth – are shaped by the answer to this not so simple question as it turns out.
In Sweden, a 24-year-old couple has chosen to circumvent the gender games by keeping their child's sex a secret. In doing so they hope to help their two-and-a-half-year-old child, Pop (not his or her real name), avoid the preconceived notions of what it means to be male or female.
“We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mould from the outset,” Pop’s mother said. “It's cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”
With the exception of Pop's parents and those who have changed his or her diaper, nobody knows Pop's gender. Pop's parents have been able to keep Pop's sex a secret by regularly changing Pop's hairstyle and letting Pop decide what to wear everyday from a wardrobe that includes both pants and dresses. If asked what Pop's gender is, the parents simply say that they do not disclose that information.
For those of us who believe that gender is a social construction this is a very interesting experiment.
By growing up “genderless” will Pop develop as more of an individual? Will the absence of gender stereotypes allow Pop to develop his or her interests more freely? Will this experiment ultimately prove to be an empowering experience for Pop?
His parents certainly think so.
"I believe that the self-confidence and personality that Pop has shaped will remain for a lifetime," said Pop's mother who has said they will only reveal Pop's gender when Pop is ready.
Others may be critical of Pop's parent's choices.
Will Pop be alienated and teased by his peers for his parent's choices? Will Pop feel unconnected to his identity by growing up “genderless”? Will the absence of not knowing his or her gender ultimately prove to be a damaging experience?
We can't be sure, which is what makes me uneasy of such a social experiment on a child, but I can't help but be intrigued. For better or worse our gender plays such a critical part in shaping our experiences with the world. Maybe Pop's parent's have the right idea. Maybe not. Only time will tell.
For now though with a second child on the way, Pop's parents will continue to play the gender games with a “genderless” card.
Read more: womens rights
comments
I agree that there is a risk entailed in raising a genderless child - especially if the child is completely oblivious to (or raised to feel superior to) the gender norms of that culture - but helpless? Kids from other religions manage to teach their peers about tolerance and acceptance; maybe this kid will either adapt to the norms of its culture along the way or do something similar with gender. But I do hope its parents prepare its peers/teachers beforehand and don't just send it out to be eaten by the wolves.
I also hope it truly is left to follow its own path: doesn't get indoctrinated into yet another gender ideology. Good question about how the kid will model gender from watching its own parents: what are the limits of limiting gender stereotypes when they're played out by humans? I'm just worried, as other commentors here are, that the child is being used as a test subject for something. I hope the family/child doesn't end up being objectified in the process.
Oh, and hermaphrodite isn't a term that most transgender and queer people use. It's been abused too much and tends to refer more to folks' bodies/genetailia than the total person. Not to attack you, just clarifying. ;)
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Another thing that puzzles me, is how do his/her parents dress and behave at home then ? Does his/her dad wear a dress ? Can they cut this child from the rest of society where he/she can see that almost everybody is either one way or the other ? You just have to go out in the street to see there is a difference and that usually, females have breasts. I'm not trying to make any political statement here. Just to be realistic. I really don't understand the point of this experiment, and to me it really sounds like an experiment on a helpless child. Unless, as some people have pointed out, this child has both sexes, is a hermaphrodite.
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ok, some ideas: Swedish and Norwegean languages have "it" - ie genderless - pronouns in their languages, so "it" maaay not be treated as the slur that it seems to be here in the US and in other cultures where there are only male and female genders. Also, transgender children have often strongly developed senses of their gender by the age of two or three, which seems to indicate that in spite of gendered enculturation/expectations, some (albeit, in my opinion and experience, not all) people know of seem to have innate gender identities and knoweledges which conform to societal expectations of male/female binary - so in some cases gender identity might in fact be genetic and asserted at an early age. I hope that these parents will recognize this if they seem to have a child with a strongly female/male/nongender identity. With any luck they'll respect their child's identity and wishes to to be whomeever she/he/ze is. Looks interesting.
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Watch the apostrophes: parents' choices
women's rights
No apostrophe: ..Pop's parents have the right idea
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I don't think it is a question of labeling! The child will find out soon enough when "it" goes to school. "It" will meet other children and go to the toilet and there "it" will know where "it" belongs. I don't think the experiment can go very far. It would be child abuse at any rate. It would be abuse "its" right to know who "it" is.
I have had two daughters, and they were real tom boys. I never forced them to dress up as girls. They were always in shorts, all year long, even in winter, when they were small, but they knew they were girls. They played with cars and dolls too.
Then 10 years later I had a son. I did not treat him differently. I just saw he behaved differently in so many respects and realized that a lot of things are gender connected, from birth, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. I don't think it's good either to force someone to be someone else. So it goes too for kids who feel that they belong to the other sex, although what is between their legs belongs differently. Let them be what they like. Don't choose for them. As I said, this Pop experiment can't last very long. It will only confuse the child or ostracize "it" from society (school mates in this case) even more.
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I admire the courage of the couple. Giving the child freedom to be it's natural self without all the cultural baggage associated with maleness or femaleness..
I regret that this has become international news, because the child will someday be in the limelight most likely in an intrusive , possibly damaging way. I wish whoever decided to disclose this to the news had been more aware of the consequences.
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ok just a quick question wen pop reachs the age were sexulal thought (ie. puberty) will he then be gay straight etc this could just cause a hassel w/ his parents
and o offence but i really would not like to see a striaght guy in a dress!!! or a girl that looks like a guy (like way more then a tonboy)
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Emily A., that's a really good point. I hope it's not the case, however, because there is a good chance that the media will be very interested to know Pop's gender when he/she chooses to announce it, and it could be very embarassing for the child to have the world find out that he/she in intersex.
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I meant should not be labeled male or female at birth or while mom is pregnant. Sorry about the slip up.
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I truely believe that children should be labled male or female until they themselves have decided who they really are in their mind. This would stop the discrimination that is still so prevailant about gays, transexuals, etc. Let a person decide for their selves when they are old enough to know who they are down deep in their soul.
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