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You Might Be a Lesbian and Not Know It!

You Might Be a Lesbian and Not Know It!

 

I saw the new Pixar movie, “Brave” on opening weekend. It was really good. Merida is a character I can really identify with. I was never much interested in boys or relationships growing up. I never dreamed of getting married and starting a family and buying a house with a white picket fence. It just wasn’t for me. I wish I’d had Merida to look up to when I was young.

Little did I know that simple disinterest in happily ever after pretty much makes women into lesbians.

Well that’s…confusing. I…I think I’m straight. I mean, I’ve identified as heterosexual for my entire life. But, maybe? I better call on Adam Markovitz at Entertainment Weekly for help in figuring out my buried sexuality.

But could Merida be gay? Absolutely. She bristles at the traditional gender roles that she’s expected to play: the demure daughter, the obedient fiancée. Her love of unprincess-like hobbies, including archery and rock-climbing, is sure to strike a chord with gay viewers who felt similarly “not like the other kids” growing up. And she hates the prospect of marriage — at least, to any of the three oafish clansmen that compete for her hand — enough to run away from home and put her own mother’s life at risk. She’s certainly not a swooning, boy-crazy Disney princess like The Little Mermaid’s Ariel or Snow White. In fact, Merida may be the first in that group to be completely romantically disinclined (even cross-dressing Mulan had a soft spot for Li Shang).

In this paragraph is the test for Latent Lesbianism. Let’s see if I can tease it out.

You might be a lesbian if you…

…bristle at traditional gender roles

I do! I do bristle at traditional gender roles! I don’t like the idea that I should want to have a bunch of babies or that I should be nurturing and demure. I like the idea of an equal partnership with someone I love. I don’t think that my partner’s career should take priority over mine just because he’s a dude. So, check.

…have an affinity for “unprincess-like hobbies”

That’s me again! I’m totally into science and politics! Those are traditionally male domains. I’m not so much into rock-climbing because I’m really afraid of death. But I don’t think that’s a gender thing. Check.

…hate the prospect of marriage

I don’t hate it so much any more. But I did when I was teenager. I never wanted to get married. I wanted to live on my own and do what I wanted. Who wouldn’t? Even today I’m a 28-year-old woman and I don’t really care if I ever get married. It’s not that big of a deal. Check

Whoa. I think…I think I’m a lesbian. Wow. This is really going to freak out my male partner of seven years. Or maybe not. He probably knew this the whole time and he was just waiting for me to come to the realization on my own. What a great guy.

 

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Image credit: bogusbong

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222 comments

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8:53AM PST on Feb 28, 2013

hehehe... This is awesome!

2:22PM PDT on Sep 29, 2012

It sounds like Mr. Markovitz is a nutless blunder who is frightened of strong, independent women. I don't have a lot of use for traditional gender roles. People ought to be allowed to do what they have a passion and aptitude for. If that means a woman is a plumber and a man is an administrative assistant, so be it. I enjoy doing my own yardwork, which is probably "un-princess like." I'm also considering doing a repair on my dryer myself, so that must make me even more "macho." Hate the prospect of marriage? Yes, for myself. I've been married and saw the dark side of it. I will never go there again. Apparently, even my attraction to men isn't enough to "save me," according to Adam Markovitz. Oh well, Gerard Butler probably wasn't going to call me up for a date anyway.

2:01PM PDT on Sep 29, 2012

interesting article, but misleading. being independent or being reluctant to be a 1950'2 housewife doesn't make you a lesbian. Being a lesbian is about loving and being sexually attracted to women, and that is perfectly common, normal, and beautiful. I don't think this article was "serious", but at this point when homophobia runs rampant we shouldn't be making generalizations. I know plenty of lesbians who love female hobbies and are girly and prissy too. I love "guy" type hobbies, and I am 100% straight

12:49AM PDT on Sep 9, 2012

Immature and women despicing review by a man that's probably been turned away but many independant women.

1:13PM PDT on Aug 17, 2012

Awesome. I think I must be a lesbian, too! I never wanted children, I love nature, and I don't care of my long-term boyfriend marries me or not.

Yup! Guess I'm a lesbian! (I'll have to break the news to him gently.)

What a crock!

12:44PM PDT on Jul 26, 2012

Yup, I have been struck by truth. Snicker. I live in the Far Boonies, I am Not married, I love the beauty of the great outdoors, and to top it off, I have no Children - unless you count the my "four-leggers." ( That would be cats, dog, and guinea pig.) Golly gosh, I will have to tell my best buddy of 20 some odd years, that he loves a lesbian -- literally.

We went to see BRAVE a couple weeks ago and enjoyed it; I even sent my parents - 86 years old - to catch the flick. They enjoyed it too. Wonder if Mom is reconsidering her"Gayness" after 50 years of marriage and 3 children?

Let's grow up society...Puhhhhleeeeease.

12:21PM PDT on Jul 26, 2012

DG and I went to see the flick and had a great time. We all applauded at the end of the flick. It is fun and funny. It is Only the seriously Dense that think you can assume a woman's sexual preference by the narrow ideas of history and stupidity. Unfortunately, there's always these people out there. I am looked at strangely because I haven't had children, but I can site many reasons why a person shouldn't - including health reasons for myself. But, the only thing Seen is that I am childless And I am not married. Never mind my best friend and sweetie of 20 some years; apparently he's just not quite right either. hahahah. It's amazing, he loves my apparent lesbian self anyway....hahah. Time to give up the assumptions folks...really.

9:22AM PDT on Jul 26, 2012

wow, REALLY?
so just because a girl doesn't focus on marriage and romance, and she likes "non girly" things, or is a tomboy, she's a lesbian. wow people, wow.

I was always a tomboy. I loved hanging out with the guys and doing stuff that they liked to do. I liked to be outside and I looooved getting dirty and playing with bugs. I never liked to get facials, manicures, go shopping, etc. I just recently had my first pedicure (and I'm 21) and I didn't even really like it. I've still never had a facial, manicure, tan, etc. I am not a girly girl, but that does NOT make me a lesbian. I've been happily married for a year so far and with him for over 3. so thanks, but I'm not a lesbian.

6:06PM PDT on Jul 14, 2012

I actually can't take the credit for that quote, Cheri, someone else said it. But I'm buggered if I can remember who. But thank you :)

2:32PM PDT on Jul 13, 2012

If I fit 2 of the 3 categories (I don't hate marriage, as long as it's to the right person), does that make me 2/3 gay? Oh wait, that's not possible because it's a "lifestyle" not biologically determined... so I am living 2/3rds of a gay lifestyle???

Too bad they didn't have conversion therapy back when Merida was around!

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Kristina Chew Kristina Chew teaches and writes about ancient Greek and Latin and is Online Advocacy and Marketing... more
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