10 Signs of Caring Too Much

By Paula Spencer, Caring.com

Compassion fatigue–also known as caregiver burnout–is what happens when a well-intentioned caregiver crosses a hard-to-see line from One-Who-Helps to One-Who-Needs-Help. And it can happen to anyone. It happens precisely because you care so much. Are you at risk of caring “too much”? Here are ten warning signs:

1. You use words like “always” and “never” with regard to caregiving.
Beware falling into absolutes: “I promised Mom we’d never put her in a nursing home.” “I’m sorry I can’t go to lunch because I always feed Sam by myself.” Being overly rigid can put you at risk for burnout.

2. Your friends seem to have stopped calling.
You may be feeling isolated or annoyed that your old circle no longer seems to check up on you and how you’re faring. But is it possible that you’ve turned them down so often because of your caregiving duties, or that caregiving concerns so dominate your life and conversation, that they got the message you’re just not interested in them? A social life is a two-way street.

3. The last time you felt happy was “uh…um…let’s see…”
Nobody ever said looking after a sick or aging loved one was a romp in a field of wildflowers. But if your everyday life has lost even its grace notes, so that you find no pleasure in it, you’re at risk. Every day needs at least one happy petal or two.

4. Everyone assumes you’ll step forward; nobody asks.
Have you become the default go-to girl (or guy) in your family? When the sick person is your spouse, this is logical. (Even then, you need a support system to pitch in.) But it’s a different matter when the family member being cared for is a parent, grandparent, or other relative — and the entire burden of responsibility seems to have settled on your shoulders whether you’ve volunteered or not.

5. You’re overweight or out of shape.
True, it may not be your caregiving that’s to blame. We could sit around and make a long list of culprits for poor health that includes everything from our car culture to a conspiracy of corn syrup to unfortunate genes. But the fact remains that poor self-care is a big red flag for caregiver burnout. Being selflessly focused on others by definition means you’re not focused on yourself. And yet you need to be the #1 person you look after, in order to be shipshape (or at least functional!) to look after others. If you don’t like what you see when you look in the mirror (or sit listening to the doctor’s concern in the exam room), give yourself permission to be selfish..

10 Signs of Caring Too Much originally appeared on Caring.com.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

jessica w.

9:22AM PDT on Jun 30, 2011

i've been there.

send a green star

Lin M.

3:59AM PDT on Jun 26, 2011

I wish I were well enough to take care of my mom.

Elizabeth O.

1:53PM PDT on Apr 3, 2011

Useful information.

dve d.

12:39AM PDT on Apr 3, 2011

at least we carers cares. bless them all. not like unhumans in this wonderful world we live in who dont care

Carole K.

7:54PM PDT on Apr 2, 2011

Caregiver burnout is all too common and serious business, folks! Watch for these warning signs & preserve yourself by finding some way(s) to get some respite; otherwise, you might be headed for a breakdown of your own. Love yourself enough to save yourself from a disaster. You cannot help anyone else if you are quite literally killing yourself!! Posted in memory of my beloved sister.......

Vera C.

8:34AM PDT on Apr 2, 2011

Very interesting, thank you!
Any advice concerning what to do when you fear somebody in your family might be on the verge of caring too much?

Adam P.

7:35AM PDT on Apr 1, 2011

Interesting, thanks :-)

Alison N.

2:09PM PDT on Mar 28, 2011

Thanks for posting.

David N.

7:54AM PDT on Mar 27, 2011

Thanks for the article. This was very helpful information.