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10 Steps to Nurture Heart-Healing Love
By Michelle Schoffro Cook
Anyone who has ever experienced the grandeur and rush of falling in love will understand the energizing and curative properties that true love has. It puts a bounce in your step and a seemingly endless smile on your face. For me, the sight of my husband still fills my heart with peace and warmth, regardless that we’ve been together for twelve years, spend much of our time working together, write books together, and pursue most of our recreational activities together. If you believe that two people can truly be soulmates, we’ve found it. Just one of his embraces can melt away the stress and tension of a day and invigorate me almost instantaneously.
Call me a hopeless romantic if you will, but I believe love truly makes the world go ’round. In fact, if you asked me, I would tell you that most of the world’s ills are caused from a lack of love, either toward another person or internally, toward oneself. Some of the world’s leading mind-body researchers and physicians have been discovering the intrinsic link between emotional pain and illness. In his book, Love and Survival, Dr. Ornish says, “I am not aware of any other factor in medicine that has a greater impact on our survival than the healing power of love and intimacy. Not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery.” In a study of heart-disease patients who were unmarried or had no significant confidant in their lives, there was a 300 percent increase in mortality compared to those who had a spouse or close friend to turn to for support. Now, that doesn’t mean that if you live alone you’ll be stricken with heart disease, nor does it mean that if you are married, your heart is safe. It does prove the power of close relationships and love between people, whether those people are spouses, partners, friends, family, or confidantes. It also doesn’t mean that you can eat whatever you want and forget about exercising. Love has the strongest curative properties when it counts healthy eating and fitness as its allies.
Step aside gravity, electromagetism, and nuclear energy, love is the most powerful force in the universe. It is such an incredibly important part of being human that there are probably as many definitions of love as there are people. Some would say it is a feeling or emotion, others a commitment or devotion. I say it is everything. Whether it is between two people or about learning to love oneself, love has the power to transform ugliness into the purest essence of beauty. It also has the power to recharge, revitalize, and transform people into better versions of themselves. It is the true alchemy.
10 TIPS TO FOSTER HEART-HEALING LOVE
1. Learn to love yourself. This may take time and practice. As I tell my clients who are clearly struggling with self-love (and, who isn’t?) write down 10 things you love about yourself every day. Be creative. Here, I’ll help you get started, “I love how I try to improve my health by reading health blogs.” Now, you only have nine left for today.
2. Let down your guard. Protecting your heart from pain only serves to build walls around it and makes it more vulnerable to heart disease. Reach out to others.
3. Forgive yourself. Aah, easier said than done. It takes practice. Reciting affirmations like “I forgive myself” may help.
4. Forgive others. Holding onto grudges only serves to hurt you. Write out your grievances and destroy the paper. Alternatively, paint, sculpt, or draw to express your feelings so you can be free from them.
5. Nurture a spiritual practice. Recognizing yourself as a spiritual being having a human existence can help you to feel more connected to the planet and other people. It can also help you to establish greater meaning in your life.
6. Find things to appreciate in your life. I once met a wonderful woman at class who told me afterward that she wrote daily in her “gratitude journal” about all the things she was grateful for. She shared with me that day’s entry about being grateful for meeting me. Not only was she approaching her own life with a positive attitude, but she also put a smile on my face too.
7. Stop to smell the roses. Life can be harried. Slow down. Yes, it really is possible. It usually requires effort but it can be done. I have so many clients who make their work their first priority…and it shows in their health. Flip things around, put your health up top and make time to enjoy the simple things in life like flowers, friendships, beautiful music, or a bubble bath.
8. Do something nice to nurture your relationships. Call someone just to say “I love you,” take some homemade soup to someone who hasn’t been feeling well, invite a neighbor over for an herbal tea, give an unexpected card…the list of possibilities is endless.
9. Let people know how you feel about them. Sure, your husband, wife, child, parents or friends may know you care, but I’m sure hearing about it would do wonders. Muster some courage and express your loving thoughts and feelings. It gets easier with time.
10. Love your body by treating it well. Unhealthy habits and attitudes demonstrate a lack of love for oneself. If you love your body feed it food that nourishes it, exercise, practice meditation or deep breathing. If you don’t love your body or aren’t sure if you do, return to Tip Number 1.
Michelle Schoffro Cook, DNM, DAc, CNC is a best-selling and six-time book author and doctor of natural medicine, whose works include: The Life Force Diet, The Ultimate pH Solution, and The 4-Week Ultimate Body Detox Plan. Learn more at: www.TheLifeForceDiet.com.
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8 comments
add your comment »I also believe that most of the problems in this world come from lack of love. Love will heal the world...and I am no flower-girl, I have much to learn about accepting and forgiving myself (as well as others). But I know in my heart that love will heal the world. Or at least COULD heal the world.
(From love also comes a dislike to evil things, love is not about accepting everything within us or outside us. It is about loving the truth, the good things and the right things. A "laissez-faire" attitude does not always work.)
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I'm in love with someone who could really us these steps, especially the part about forgiving and loving yourself, and about letting down your guard. Being scared to let people in will only deny you what could be wonderful, rewarding relationships, be they romantic or friendship. What do you do if you're following these rules but the people you care about aren't? How do you help someone learn to nurture themselves and thus you as well?
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This was a very pleasant subject and yes, it caught me smiling. After 20+ years of unhappiness with my ex, I was very much afraid to "look" for anyone else. I gave up. In the last two years, friendships grew & took me in another direction. I was able to open up to some people & expand on the things I so loved. I love people in general, so most of it was easy. The hard part was letting down my guard (mostly of trust). My white flag is flying now. I've used most of these steps in my life, but I still worry sometimes that I say too much in the way I feel. That new man in my life could run. I would hope that he wouldn't but I keep trying to tell myself to be positive about this. Both of us are adults & trying to get over a lot of humps, so I hope that together we can share our hearts eventually. In the meantime, there is more healing to do. Thank you for the very nice article. This one is a keeper for good references.
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The very first point captured my interest. I knew I probably couldn't find ten things I like about myself every single day but decided to make at least a once off list. I have actually come up with more than ten - about two days' worth of positive attributes. It was (is) a very useful exercise. I was mildly surprised in some cases, not so much by the content but by saying it in words. Everybody's list will be different; many won't relate to mine at all. But here are some of the things I really like about myself: my sense of humor (the undisputed #1), being sensitive and responsive to beauty, my love of solitude, my baseline of happiness, recognizing the best years of my life while I'm living them, writing my own story and living my own truth, finding joy and fulfillment in simple things, being grateful, being philosophical, the ability to forgive, the ability to forget.
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Michelle, You seem to have in your life what we all strive for in a lasting relationship. Congratulations! For those of us that consistantly try, these are great guidelines to follow. Loving ourselves may be the biggest hurdle to get over to overcome past hurt in order to move toward a love of happiness, respect and commitment. Feeling that elation of new love, I have been lifted before and again. To hold on to that special love is truly the key. Thank you for giving us some great guidelines.
My parents have been married for 68 years, and still have each other today. They still laugh, love and share together. I'm lucky to have such a great example of how all those factors can extend life with love and health working together.
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well hey! i believe all of this, honestly & fully...but this is OBVIOUSLY one of very few lucky people! who can follow all of this & have some one recipricate it! hell...i follow all the right paths...but i must have found someone elses soulmate...because he aint mine lol, my mere male probably shortens my lifespan..unfortunatly...and i know that i am not the only person in this love trap, & it dosnt feel nice at all...so i guess that firstly you should find the right one...& secondly try not to drift appart during the birth of 6 kids LOL
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I forget these things always ... learning to love oneself when the world won't can be tough. Forgiving oneself and others is also hard ... as we live in a very unforgiving world. This is what the world has forgotten ... and we are all affected by it to some degree ... whether you are religious, business oriented, alone, or have more friends than a Hollywood actor or singer ... we all forget. Thanks Michelle ... I need this :)
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All good steps, good reminders. Telling those you care about, that you care and often, is important for everyone to remember. Don't worry about seeming silly and emotional, you can't go wrong when sharing your heart. Communication is a plus for everyone.
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