Are you looking for the love of your life? While there is no guaranteed formula for success, here are 10 tips that I found useful:
1. Stop Looking. Have you ever experienced losing something, spending hours looking for it, only to find it once you stop looking? It’s the same with soulmates: Once you stop trying so hard to find “the one” you’re far more likely to meet him or her.
2. Stop Trying to Please People. This is especially true for many women, who often try so hard to make someone else happy that they lose themselves in the process. You want someone to love you for who YOU are, don’t you? Not for becoming someone else.
3. Lose the Sleaze Factor. I’ve seen so many women shorten their hemlines, wear push-up bras, and sport low-cut tops, who then wonder why they attract the wrong men. I think a lot of women do these things out of fear that no one will find them attractive. Sure, you’ll attract people this way, but rarely ever the right type of person.
4. Improve Yourself. I met my husband when I “gave up” on men. I had decided to simply focus on “better-ing” myself. Et voila! He showed up when I least expected it…but was at my best (or at least trying to be).
5. Stop Creating Grocery Lists of What You Want in Another Person. That might work fine for groceries, but the love of your life should be so much more than a list of characteristics and attributes. Not to mention that so many people put ridiculous things like wealth, height, and other fairly shallow requirements on their list of expectations for their future mate. You wouldn’t want to miss the love of your life because he or she is a few inches shorter than you wanted, now would you?
6. Stop Buying in to Other Peoples’ Notions of Attractiveness. I remember early in my relationship with Curtis telling him that I thought he wouldn’t be interested in me because I figured he’d want to be with a tall blonde. He laughed and said, “I AM a tall blonde, why would I want that in my partner too?” He acknowledged that tall and blonde might be attractive to some people but that he was attracted to my petite size and jet black curly hair. I had wrongly bought into some other people’s notions of attractiveness at my expense.
7. Open Your Mind. You may think your ideal woman will have a particular appearance, but you may be surprised to find that she looks completely different. Or your future partner may not “fit” the specific “type” of person you normally go for.
8. Try New Things. Try ballroom dancing. Go on a guided tour of a new place. Go back to school. Broaden your horizons. I went back to school and just minutes after I sat down, my future husband walked through the door to the classroom. Earlier that day, I wondered if I should bother with this course I signed up for. Am I ever glad I decided to go to class that night!
9. Make Time in Your Schedule. Don’t be so busy that you don’t have time for meeting new people. While Mr. or Ms. Right may be just under your nose, you might never find him or her if your schedule is so packed that there really isn’t time to take notice.
10. Don’t Give Up. Soulmate love may show up when you’re 18 or 80.
My husband and I will have been together for over 13 years. We’re still so madly in love that we’re often mistaken for honeymooners. People regularly tell me, “You’re so lucky to have a husband like Curtis.” I tell them that I’m blessed to share life with him, but this didn’t happen with luck. This beautiful marriage is the result of two people who wanted nothing less than soulmate love…and made an effort to attract nothing less.
Michelle Schoffro Cook, MSc, PhD, RNCP, ROHP