4. “Caregiving seems like a burden. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your life for your mother’s.” Caregiving is hard. That’s why so many people, both caregivers and non-caregivers alike, refer to it as a ‘burden.’ But, according to Laverty, when a friend or family member likens caregiving to a burden, what they’re really telling the caregiver is that they aren’t handling the situation properly and that this isn’t what they should be doing with their life. “Caregivers get into their role because they started out as loving, caring people trying to do the right thing,” she says.
5. “You need to get a ‘real’ life.” As the old saying goes, ‘you’re preaching to the choir.’ “Every caregiver understands that they need to get a life, have a plan, start making time for themselves,” Laverty says. But, telling a caregiver to ‘get a life’ is like telling them that what they’re doing now (caring for a loved one) doesn’t matter.
6. “Why don’t you just put you mother in a nursing home? It would be better for everyone.” Laverty says that comments like this can make a caregiver feel like they’re not doing a good job taking care of their loved one. The reality is, a nursing home might not be financially feasible, or a caregiver may be trying to keep their loved one at home for as long as possible. Outsiders think they’re offering good advice, when they might really just (unintentionally) be making a caregiver feel guilty.
7. “Why do you visit your dad so much? He doesn’t even know you.” If a caregiver is taking care of someone who has Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia and lives in a nursing home, people may ask why they bother to visit someone who doesn’t even remember who they are. “People need human contact and love, or they will just shrivel up and die,” Laverty says, “Caregivers shouldn’t feel stupid for going to visit someone who doesn’t recognize them outwardly. As long as they know who their loved one is, that’s all that should matter.”