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3 Questions to Ask When Somebody Hurts You

3 Questions to Ask When Somebody Hurts You

Mahatma Gandhi suggested turning the other cheek toward the person who slaps you. But doing that is neither always possible nor acceptable.

In everyday life, people hurt each other all the time. And figuring out how to deal with the hurt can be a major challenge.

As a rather “thin-skinned” person, I admit I have let things get to me—badly at times. But because I feel it more, I have also taken the time to look for better ways to cope. Here are some questions that I find useful to ask myself:

Was it intentional? If the other person said or did something unpleasant to make you feel bad, it might be a good idea to express your displeasure. Staying bottled up can lead to frustration and depression. And when the anger finally burst forth, it can cause a lot of damage. Also, if you don’t speak up for yourself, the other person will simply feel encouraged to hurt you more. On the other hand, if you can see that the person’s intention was not mala fide, have it in yourself to forgive and forget. It’s easier, anyway!

Is there a pattern? Sometimes, people get nasty over the same things, over and over. A common example occurs in people with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. They may not like wrinkles on their bed sheet, so they will snap at you. They hate being late, so they will give you an earful for taking 10 minutes longer in the shower. There are two things you can do about this: either change the way you react, or accept the way they act. To understand makes it easier to forgive.

Are they worth it? Someone who hurts you again and again depletes your energy and can diminish your self-esteem. Is such a relationship really worth staying in, or is it time you considered snapping the ties that bind—or suffocate? Don’t let yourself stay imprisoned in a cycle of negativity. Break free, if your heart and mind have been urging you to.  It can be a gloriously life-changing decision!

Related:
How to Say You’re Sorry

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Shubhra Krishan

Writer, editor and journalist Shubhra Krishan is the author of Essential Ayurveda: What it is and what it can do for you (New World Library, 2003), Radiant Body, Restful Mind: A Woman's book of comfort (New World Library, 2004), and The 9 to 5 Yogi: How to feel like a sage while working like a dog (Hay House India, 2011).

140 comments

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4:47AM PDT on Jun 24, 2013

Thank you :)

10:27PM PDT on Jun 22, 2013

3 QUESTIONS to Ask When Somebody Hurts You ?? SAY WHAT ?

Pondering on it is like gouging out a wound & scrubbing salt into it.

The person who is saying ugly things to you …
is more than likely ONE OF THOSE WHO THRIVE on arguing and anguish.

Of the best things to do __ TO SNUFF OUT THEIR FLAME is :

DO NOT REPLY TO THEM ! ! !

GET AWAY FROM THEM THE BEST YOU CAN, A.S.A.P.!

JUST THINK OF THEM AS ANOTHER ANNOYING SOMETHING THAT WE WILL ENCOUNTER IN LIFE…


LIKE ……..

… DIRTY PUBLIC TOILETS
… MOSQUITOES
… GNATS
… DIRTY BABY DIAPERS IN A PARKING LOT gag
… GOOSE POO IN A PARKING LOT argh
… LOOGIES IN A PARKING LOT ! gross !
… USED CONDOMS IN A PARKING LOT! Excuse me while I throw up.
… & etc., etc.

TAKE CARE OF ___ YOU, YOUR MIND, YOUR FEELINGS ___ OR ___THE MEAN HURTFUL PEOPLE WILL DESTROY YOUR SELF WORTH.

6:39PM PDT on Jun 22, 2013

I normally always have something pleasant to say about the articles I read on here but I disagree with some of this...it's not possible to turn the other cheek? That's a bit ridiculous. It is ALWAYS possible! Where is the self control? Are we so unevolved that we "can't" adopt the philosophy of "No one can hurt me with my permission."? I practice this every day of my life, and it isn't easy. But you know what? Being authentically good isn't supposed to be easy. The reward of self respect either means something to you or it doesn't. You "feel it more"? So your pain is deeper than everyone else's? "Are they worth it?" - Someone that hurts you repeatedly is never "worth it".

11:08PM PDT on Jun 18, 2013

Thanks for the info...

8:43AM PDT on Jun 17, 2013

Sometimes turning the other cheek is the only answer!

7:25PM PDT on Jun 13, 2013

Noted...

6:11PM PDT on Jun 12, 2013

So much truth in this article! Thanks

3:16PM PDT on Jun 12, 2013

Have you considered the source ... did it hit a nerve (maybe something you yourself have been considering that needs adjusting) .... are you secure enough in your own beliefts to hold firm.

Natasha S. has it right ... animal species over the human kind. True, unconditional, faithful to the end. We have a lot to learn.

3:07AM PDT on Jun 12, 2013

Thank you

3:02AM PDT on Jun 12, 2013

great share

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