5 Kinds Of Trust Married Couples Need

Written by Drs. Evelyn and Paul Moschetta for YourTango

A happy marriage rests on a foundation of unquestioned trust. If you want your marriage to be all it can be, you must know how to create this kind of trust. Most couples think of trust exclusively in terms of being sexually faithful, which is essential, but there’s more to it.

Research into strong healthy marriages revealed five specific kinds of trust husbands and wives give one another. So, we suggest you go over the following list and check which kinds of trust you bring (or do not bring) into your marriage. Ask your spouse to do the same and share your results. This is an excellent way to clarify where your trust is solid and where it needs work.

1. Trust that you will be sexually faithful. Without sexual fidelity marriage becomes unworkable. Partners can recover from an affair but need professional help to do it. Keep your commitment to be sexually faithful. If you’re unhappy in your marriage, get counseling and not a part-time lover.

2. Trust that you will not harm, reject or control one another. Trust thrives in an atmosphere of safety and security. Hurting one another, either physically or verbally, and then rejecting one another, creates fear which undermines trust. With control comes mistrust so make sure your love is not filled with a lot of possessive clinging which pushes your partner away.

3. Trust that you love one another without ulterior motives. You and your spouse need to feel sure you are loved for yourself and not some ulterior motive. That includes your looks, your money, your family. Your partner needs someone to feel superior to or be a buffer against being alone and lonely.

4. Trust that you will not abandon one another in the face of anger, conflict and disagreements. Anger, conflict and disagreements are inevitable. Make it safe for the careful expression of anger and for disagreements to happen without raising a fear of abandonment. You do this by never using the threat of divorce against your partner.

5. Trust that you will keep each other and your marriage a top priority. Partners trust that they mean it when they promise to love, honor and cherish one another. Don’t take each other for granted, neglect your relationship or consistently give too much time and energy to other things and people you break that trust. Remember every day what is really important in your life. Keep your priorities clear. Make your partner and your marriage a top priority.

More marriage advice from YourTango:

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Oh L.

7:21PM PDT on Apr 14, 2013

All of the above facts are super true!!!
for many who got together for some sort of motives, it won't last long at all

April 14
send a green star

Aud N.

7:57AM PDT on Apr 10, 2013

thanks

April 10
send a green star

Mary B.

9:49AM PST on Feb 16, 2013

I think trust is the number 1 issue in everything, including planting crops. You have to trust that your effort will bare fruit. When trust is betrayed, with drawing love fallows. You may be able to rebuild a certain amount of love just because it feels good to love, but once you've been deceived, something happens to respect from the deceiver.It's as if once they know you will forgive them, they have a tiny opening to try it again.And a part of your own energy also gets tied up in watching for any further evidence of betrayals. Ever try being friends with someone who has had their trust violated repeatedly by others? Or with someone who is used to 'getting away' with something they justify to themselves but that you personally won't tolorate? It's amazeing any of us can get along in a culture that values money and posesions over relationships.

February 16
send a green star

Elena T.

1:27AM PST on Dec 3, 2012

Thank you :)

December 3
send a green star

Debbie B.

10:45PM PDT on Oct 1, 2012

Thanks! Twelve years and I haven't been able to explain what I give and what I need in return to have a long-lasting marriage,well partnership. I am emailing this article to my partner. Hopefully an innocent article will show without it feeling negative to him.