5 Relationship Lessons from 2011 Celebrity Breakups
Arnold and Maria: A Nanny is for the Kids, Not to Have A Kid With
You may have heard the joke New Year’s resolution going around for Arnold that states, “See the movie The Help, instead of helping myself to the help.” If Arnold was thinking with his brain instead of his other organ, he probably would not have gone that extra step to mess around with his nanny (a big no-no for all those that have domestic employees). Whether you are famous, infamous, or just the guy or girl next door, when we are not thinking with our heads and instead are victims of our impulses, life does not go well. Cheating on your spouse outside the home is devastating enough, but cheating inside the home is one domestic disaster impossible to clean up no matter what help you have.
Demi and Ashton: Twit or Tweet
When you find out how your soon-to-be ex-spouse feels about you through a social media post, you get a sense of where the intimacy might have gone astray. When there is a vast age difference in partners, there is a chance that the more mature one is going to love his or her home life while the younger, more active partner will enjoy being out and about, which can lead to meeting new people and sleeping around. Obviously, Ashton must get a lot of attention from gorgeous women who want to be groupies to Hollywood stars. But anyone in a relationship can face the same temptation. To keep that particular wolf from the door, it would be wise to not frequent hot spots without your partner and instead be alone with just him or her. Temptation is on high alert in Hollywood, and with all great-looking rich and famous people, it sometimes powers into overdrive. Creating and maintaining a strong, private attachment and involvement is necessary if there is to be fidelity. The more we are caught up in the hype, the need to be seen, and the need for approval, the more susceptible we are to seduction. The core of sex addiction is a sexualized need for self-esteem. Translation for Ashton: The need to feel wanted all the time.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Who?: A 72-Day Marriage Isn’t A Marriage
The old saying “Marry in haste and repent in leisure” certainly applies here. When we don’t take the time to do our due diligence and learn who our prospective partner is, a quickie divorce can’t be far away. Maybe you and your honey look great together, are invited to all the best parties, but what’s it like when the glamour fades and you wake up to reality? The everyday life of marriage is not so exciting but that is where the real connection comes, if time is on your side. Take the lesson from these two kids who were churned through the glamour machine, that it takes time together getting to know each other alone before you make those life changing decisions. The most important decision you will ever make is who you choose to partner up with.
Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony: Two Career-Driven, Alpha Dogs Does Not A Good Partnership Make
All successful relationships are collaborative. Carl Jung once wrote that “When there is power there is no love.”
Couples need to learn compromise, problem-solving, who does what and allow for letting each partner win at times. When power couples collide, the combustion can be deafening. Sometimes culture can play a role in the power arrangement. If the man comes from a male-dominated culture and his wife from a female- dominated, no-man-in-the-house culture, then power struggles will often result. If you’re butting heads in the beginning, find out what the relationship between the parents was like, or if there was one. What culture did they come from, what are their values? The more you know about needs and insecurities, the better your chances are for them to be worked through. Too much time away from each other also negatively affects the ongoing intimacy of a relationship. Day to day togetherness helps to soothe the differences over the long haul. When couples spend limited time together, it takes a lot of work to get through the maze of differences. Before you are walking down the aisle, take a review to see if you and your partner have the same values for time together and time apart.
George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis: Ladies, When A Man Says He Will Never Marry, Believe Him
People say it’s not what people say, it’s what they do. As a therapist, I can tell you it’s both what people say and do. When women come to my office and tell me that their boyfriend only wants to see them twice a week, or tells them that he doesn’t want to get married, I tell them to find someone else if they are looking for a commitment. When people want to be married, they naturally want to see that person every day, live with them, plan a life and they act like it too. It’s also true that people can say that they want to get married but not act like it. We need to take people at their word and also by their actions. The key is to never think that you can change another person or that they will change. Either take them as they are or move on.
Watching celebrities play out their foibles and flaws in public can teach us something if we see how it can apply to our own lives. Watching those that we have anointed into the pantheon of celebrity fall flat on their face can be informative, sometimes sad or simply silly. No matter how much money or fame we may have, we don’t get a free pass on bad behavior. We are all accountable, if not publicly, then every time we look in the mirror. Didn’t Michael Jackson say that? Yet another lesson we can learn from a celebrity.