5 Things to Stop Saying to Your Single Friends

Paired up? Your single friends are happy for you…but you’re driving them crazy with your well-meaning words. They’re too nice to tell you to cut it out, so I’ll tell you instead.

“I have the perfect guy for you!”
There’s nothing wrong with setting up your single friends—but please, know something about the guy other than “he’s single too!” before you tell your friend how perfect they are for each other.

“Are you sure you’re happy?”
Accompanied by the sympathetic head tilt, there is nothing more rage-inducing than having a friend not believe that you’re happy being single. Let’s make a deal—keep it to yourself if you think your friend is kidding herself when she says she’s happy flying solo, and she’ll keep it to herself that she doesn’t think your boyfriend is as charming as you think he is.

“Your life is like an episode of Sex and the City! What’s your latest crazy story?”
For some reason, this exclamation usually comes up in mixed company, as a way of introducing Single Friend as the friend with all the crazy dating stories. Being put on the spot is never fun—even less so when your puppet-master is demanding you dazzle and entertain with stories about the guys you’d rather forget.

Anything that sounds like it belongs on a Hallmark card.
You just have to put yourself out there! It’ll happen when you least expect it! It’ll happen when the time is right! Sure, one of these may turn out to be right, but in the meantime, just assume she’s heard it all before and doesn’t need a refresher.

“Your time will come.”
Are you offering reassurance or predicting the end of the world?

Read more: Friendship, Love

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Debbie C.

9:14AM PDT on Mar 26, 2012

My best friend & I met the first day of high school - 44 years ago.
She & I have both been married and divorced, and married again - at different times.
She, nor I never asked the questions above at any time. We know each other too well to ask such questions.

send a green star

Bre A.

4:42PM PDT on Mar 21, 2012

It's like 10x worse when you hear it from people who are constantly in and out of relationships. Not everyone feels the need to have some clingy control freak constantly demanding attention, some people are just more comfortable flying solo - at least until they manage to weed out someone who actually understand their quirks and individual needs in a life partner. And honestly, if you can't be happy and feel complete as an individual person - what the hell are you doing attaching yourself to and weighing down some other poor soul?

Victor M.

12:16PM PDT on Mar 15, 2012

let people in peace

Jan M.

1:51AM PDT on Mar 15, 2012

If there's something I can't tell or can't be told, then we are NOT true friends.

The (true) friends are people that
1. believe justly each other every word;
2. are ready to help each other whenever one of them needs it.
Such friends are as rare as water in the desert, of course. I'm happy I've had at least one true friend in each period of my adult life. Many people say: "So you have one (2, 3) friend(s) only! I have 10 (20, 30) of them." After explaining whom I call a friend, they
- either admitt they have no frends if fact
- or oppose such friends don't exist.
The latter usually means they don't deserve true friends.

When the true friend tells anything "inconvenient" to me, I know first of all that (s)he wants to help me genuinely. This feeling is as important for me as I do feel no inconvenience of his/her words.

Samantha S.

4:35PM PST on Mar 3, 2012

fun read.

Meg G.

2:47PM PST on Mar 3, 2012

I feel the single needs to find new friends if this is what their friends are saying or doing to them. Unless of course the single person is bemoaning their singleness then a good friend is going to try and help in some way.
I have been married, divorced, single for 12yrs, dated during this period occassionally and not once did my friends inflict me with any of the above. I am now in a relationship.
During my single time I was incrediblely happy in my aloneness, I truly did not need or want someone else as a partner in my life maybe that was the difference.

Ruth P.

3:40AM PST on Mar 2, 2012

Don't be single, what's wrong with you? Don't just date, what's wrong with you? Don't get married too fast, either! But if it's not fast, maybe you shouldn't even bother! Don't stay married, are you crazy? Don't divorce, are you crazy? You're dating too soon after your divorce, it looks bad! You are waiting too long to date after your divorce, it looks bad! And so on...

Then you get onto the subject of children, for even more fun! People are just busybodies. They want to feel superior and offer you advice you don't want, so you can't win with them.

Nancy B.

1:57PM PST on Feb 27, 2012

Friendships between women do not have to involve men. It is not the duty of the married friend to try to make the unmarried friend a married friend. It is not necessary for friends to constantly compare their lives; they can share their lives, but they don't need to compete with their lives. Generally, most people make their own decisions about how they want to live their lives. If people want to be friends, they should respect these decisions and boundaries. Remember "different strokes for different folks."

Sue H.

10:03PM PST on Feb 26, 2012

There are some who need time to be alone so that they may discover themselves. We ought to honor that and let them be.

Chad A.

5:25PM PST on Feb 26, 2012

I am going to try to zip my lips.