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6 Ways Out Of Secrets, Shame, And Stuck-ness

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6 Ways Out Of Secrets, Shame, And Stuck-ness

The secrets we keep locked away–buried deep beneath the comings and goings of our everyday lives–are eating us alive.

Okay, so that sounds a little dramatic now that I see it in print. I’m not suggesting they are bacteria-like but you know what I mean, right? Keeping secrets takes a significant toll on our mind, body, spirit, and perhaps worst of all, our secrets keep us stuck in behavior and thought patterns that suck the life out of our lives.

As an organizer and life coach, and now through the Sick of Being Stuck Program (SOBS), I’ve worked with lots of people who came into my world because they were not, for many different reasons, living the lives they desired. Some of them–particularly when their challenges include clutter, weight, money, or addiction–were paralyzed by their shame.

Even when they know the actions that need to be taken, they just can’t. No energy. No time. No whatever it takes to make different choices than the ones they made yesterday.

The beginning of the story usually goes way back, either to ineffective patterns we learned in childhood or a trauma that stunted our personal evolution. We adopt coping mechanisms to help with the sadness or fear or whatever else we don’t know how to heal on our own. It works for a while but eventually the coping mechanism starts to backfire. It becomes more of an obstacle than a solution, and we begin to slide back into the darkness or fear. (Or maybe those are the same thing.)

What starts as a broken heart soon shows up in our homes as clutter, our bodies as illness, etc. Our work may suffer, and our relationships with people, food, and money become distorted. Especially creativity, it seems like it’s the first thing taken hostage.

There are many, many ways out of the darkness. Whether you’re working with me or one of the other 2.7 billion other options (only a slight exaggeration), the critical first step is admitting your need for support. This action is often the hardest part but it is also takes less energy than anything else in this process. It is sharing the unspeakable with others, a coming out process of sorts.

People share their secrets and it allows them to begin to heal, to shift, to move forward in the recovery process. In fact, just this morning, several people in my classes told hard-to-tell things and we could immediately feel the energy shift.

I didn’t do anything for SOBS that I’d promised I would do this week.

I got sick right after I signed up and even though the month is halfway over, I’m just getting started.

I’m scared to dig into the stacks to find the tax papers because… I’m afraid of how bad it will feel when I find the other things I’ve neglected–checks I haven’t deposited–and now it’s too late.

Next: My confession… and a light bulb moment.

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Read more: Depression, Feng Shui & Organizing, Mental Wellness, Self-Help, Spirit, Stress, , , , , , , , , ,

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Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at SeedsAndWeedsCoaching.com and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.

69 comments

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11:05AM PDT on Jun 1, 2012

I made a video about why Homosexuals should have equal rights. It’s at my YouTube channel Zarrakan, and here’s the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdK5ETOJusw

Watch it, share it, and join the fight against the evil Homophobes.

9:45AM PDT on Apr 3, 2012

Grazie delle informazioni.

1:08PM PDT on Apr 1, 2012

thanks

7:52PM PDT on Mar 28, 2012

thanks

2:00AM PDT on Mar 27, 2012

Interesting

10:12AM PDT on Mar 26, 2012

APPLY SUN (submitted via email):

My two kids and I have been so poor that I keep sleeping with their father
(we've lived separately for 5 years) just so that I can keep our health benefits through him
that we can't afford otherwise. Now he wants a divorce and I don't know what makes me want to vomit more: the thought of sucking up to him by sleeping with him or the thought of not having health benefits. I'm afraid to ask him when he is going to cut us off.

7:57AM PDT on Mar 26, 2012

Here's another way to unload your secrets.

There are lots of 12 step programs ...there should be an anonymous anonymous program. Well, I chuckled.

One of the steps is to confess to another person all the negative things you've done that you can think of, all of it. Dump it. You have to be careful who you choose for the unloading. Some choose a homeless person you'll never meet again and give them some cash to listen.

Works!

7:57AM PDT on Mar 26, 2012

Here's another way to unload your secrets.

There are lots of 12 step programs ...there should be an anonymous anonymous program. Well, I chuckled.

One of the steps is to confess to another person all the negative things you've done that you can think of, all of it. Dump it. You have to be careful who you choose for the unloading. Some choose a homeless person you'll never meet again and give them some cash to listen.

Works!

7:44AM PDT on Mar 26, 2012

I live by this creed: I don't care what anyone knows about me. I yam who I yam.

However, other people care about what they know about me and I am trying to learn to not be so "What you see is what you get". I like being transparent but other people don't like my being transparent. I mean, like I've lived life to the fullness and I'm comfortable with the good and the bad of it.

I need to learn to respect other people's comfort zones. lol

HOWEVER, what other people tell me about themselves is CONFIDENTIAL.

It's amazing what other people tell me about themselves when they find out I won't tell them about other people. LOL

I can get downright nasty when I'm with a group and they start talking badly about another person not there.

"Is this gossip?"

1:46AM PDT on Mar 26, 2012

ty

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