I’ve been thinking a lot lately about women over the age of 30 and beyond, and our feelings about leaving the “Maiden” stage of our lives behind. It is a big topic of discussion over coffee and long walks. And then, Nekole Malia Shapiro a friend and an extraordinary sexuality and birth educator declared to me: “It’s no longer about trying to reclaim the Maiden – the power lies in embracing the Red Hot Mama!”
Bam. Did she ever hit it on the head! For the woman over a certain age – so many of us are working to try and reclaim the Maiden or the young woman. What a waste of time! We chase the vanishing Maiden so many ways – from plastic surgery, lasers, diets and super paneled underwear to how we choose to walk in the world.
The interesting part is that most of the hot sexual juice is being held by the Red Hot Mamas! The woman who has lived a chunk of life, and is no longer concerned with perfect. You know that I speak the truth – you have seen her haven’t you? That woman of a certain age, tossing her hair and swinging her hips as she sashays down the street? She walks down the street with her eyes wide open, her smile soft on her lips and a willingness to not only see others – but for others to see herself. She is free.
Red Hot Mamas are no longer concerned with perfection – they know that is a game that no one can win. Instead Red Hot Mamas allow themselves to have a sense of inner abandon and are finally ready to give into their precious inner wildness. Please do not confuse Red Hot Mamas with Cougars. Cougars speak of being a sexual predator of young men. A Red Hot Mama does not need to hunt – men are attracted to her!
Are you ready to step into your Red Hot Mama-ness? Here are a few tips to help you get in touch with your own steaming, loving, sexy self.
1. Get in touch with your morning ritual! Don’t start by bemoaning the mirror! Red Hot Mamas glow from the inside out. Let’s start with the shower! Wash yourself with soap, scrubs and shampoo that turn you on. Allow yourself to really feel your own body under your hands while you go through your morning cleansing. Allow a little pleasure in. Feel your shapes, curves and flat planes and rolling hills. Consider playing some music in the morning for yourself to start your engines!
2. Get dressed in the morning for you. Who are you today? What will turn you on? Start with what is the closest to your skin. French women know all about lingerie! They start at a very young age. If you don’t own some sexy pieces – go shopping! You can buy some hot sexy lingerie at some hot prices….trust me! The point is to put something close to your skin that reminds you that you are a Hot Sexy Mama all day long. If you wear skimpy panties – and a skirt or dress – the air touching your skin can be a fabulous reminder or your hot sexuality all day long. Even how you sit in sexy underwear can turn you into an embodied goddess. I can promise you that the sexy energy that you will build inside yourself will radiate out. Not only will you feel hot and sexy – but the world will smile right back!
3. Hot Sexy Mamas are not invisible. You can read a bit about my tips for becoming visible in this blog “Are You an Invisible Woman”. Learn to be generous with your eyes! See people and they will see you. Hot Sexy Mamas see people and meet the world with their eyes wide open!
4. Hot Sexy Mamas are women who have learned how to tap into in their own inner resources of sexual energy. I call this living life as a Turned On Woman. You can read more about this here!
5. Dance, Dance, Dance! Dancing is a wonderful way to get in touch with your Red Hot Mama and begin to sort out getting in touch with your feminine. Try salsa, tango, burlesque and even pole dancing!
6. Look around you and use some of the resources that are available to support you on your journey:
A. Read - “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal : Secret Maps to Buried Treasure” By Sheri Winston
B. Check out my retreat for women: “Back to The Body: A Sensuous Retreat For Women.
C. Listen to my guided meditation available through Circle and Bloom called “Self, Love and Sexuality:Unleashing Your Inner Sex Goddess”.
D. Check out the Body Electric Programs for Women
E. Read: Body Outlaws: Rewriting The Rules of Beauty and Body Image, Edited by Ophira Edut
F. Make sure that all of your body is operating in full health including your vagina! You can’t be a Hot Sexy Mama if your vagina hurts. Read about “Vagina Anxiety and Climate Change”.
G. Check out my book and see how I did it! “Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner!” (Rodale, 2011).
It’s time to let the Maiden go….she was beautiful and fun. But what is waiting for you is so much more! Embrace your Hot, Sexy Mama. She is in there…and you will be so happy ( and the rest of the world too!) if you can let her out!
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