Do you ever feel like when you speak, folks don’t listen? In this video, Julian Treasure shares tips to make your words more powerful: 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking.
What I like about these rules is that they’re so common sense. Treasure encourages you to choose your words wisely and put yourself into your listeners shoes. The 10 minute video above is definitely worth a watch if you have the time, but in case you’re reading this in a hurry, I’ve also listed Treasure’s 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking below!
1. Don’t gossip. When you talk to someone who gossips, do you wonder whether they’re talking behind your back?
2. Avoid judgement. This goes hand-in-hand with gossip, in my opinion. When you judge, you make your listener feel like you’re judging him. And maybe you are.
3. Ditch the negativity. Do you know someone who has something bad to say about everything? That’s no fun!
4. Quit complaining. Complaining is a lot like negativity, but it’s more unbidden. Someone who offers up a laundry list of complaints is exhausting to listen to. Treasure calls complaining “viral misery.”
5. Stop making excuses. Don’t be a “blamethrower!” People who complain (#4!) and don’t take responsibility for their part in how things are playing out are hard to listen to.
6. Don’t exaggerate. Treasure says that this habit – which he calls “embroidery” – demeans our language. Exaggeration is the worst. (See what I did there?)
7. Ditch the dogma. No one likes being bombarded with opinions, especially when those opinions are presented as fact.
So, this list seems like it’s a little bit guilty of sin numbers three and four, but he doesn’t leave it at that. So how should we speak? On top of the 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking, Treasure offers four cornerstones of good speaking:
1. Be honest.
2. Be authentic.
3. Have integrity.
4. Operate from a place of love.
Treasure expounds on all of these points in the talk above and gives some examples of not just what to say but how to speak. Probably my favorite tip (and the one I need to work on most) is to forget our fear of silence. A silent pause is better than the “ums” and “ahs” that many of us use to fill those little gaps.
If you’ve got 10 minutes, I encourage you to give his whole talk a watch!