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7 Things Cats Don’t Let You Do

7 Things Cats Don’t Let You Do

They may only weigh 10 pounds, but cats will totally change the way you do things. From the moment my cat Pimpentered my life almost 14 years ago (my other cat Moo simply showed up on the back porch four years ago), nothing has been the same.

I wouldnít trade having cats for anything in the world, but because I have them, there are some things that I’ll never be able to do again.

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1. Wake up after 7 a.m. (and thatís sleeping in!)

People tell me stories about lazing around in bed until noon, hitting the snooze repeatedly throughout the morning, or just lying around in bed and relaxing before popping up for the day. I marvel at this idea. Imagine that!

My day starts with Mooís cold, sometimes wet nose in my face, gently prodding my forehead. Then itís a paw at my nose. Then itís a furry body prancing across my pillow and back and forth over my body … on his way back to nudge my face with his nose again.

Rolling over only makes the matter more urgent. Now itís Moo firmly meatloafed on my chest, his face one inch from mine, burrowing in my neck and rubbing my chin. Eventually, itís a mad meower, standing next to me on the floor by the bed, more persistent and unsnoozable than any alarm clock. Ignore that and he starts knocking every object off the nightstand, one by one.

The cat has not eaten for at least six hours, and is clearly starving. Iím up, Iím up! And then he eats five bites and walks away from his bowl.

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2. Shower without being stared at

Itís like itís a constant peep show at my house. Pimpís favorite spot to sit is on the bathroom counter, and his favorite time to sit there is shower time. Maybe itís because itís like a steam room or sauna in there and heís clearing his little pores. Whatever the reason, turn on the bathtub faucet and he comes running to perch on the sink.

Usually he just lies down and takes a break from his busy day (busy day of taking other breaks, I guess), but sometimes he walks over to where the glass shower doors meet the counter and just sits tall, staring in. At which point, I say hello and wipe off the fog and condensation on the doors so he can see me better.

I think maybe heís worried about me in all that water.

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3. Throw out boxes

I may or may not have an online shopping problem. Boxes arrive all the time from every which website Ė- Amazon, shoe clubs, pet companies, you name it. Most people keep whatís inside the boxes and throw out the packaging. I empty the box and place it smack-dab in the middle of my living room floor and announce, ďMoo, I got you a box!Ē

Every box must be inspected immediately. You can count on that. And if itís a favorite, the box stays there for weeks (sometimes more), until a new favorite comes along. I try to keep it to one box, but sometimes you just canít help it if he falls in love with several.

Boxes are practically part of the dťcor in my house.

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4. Have ďa momentĒ with my boyfriend alone

Moo can’t see affection happening without wanting to be part of it and getting his fair share. Heís an attention whore, and†doesn’t†like anyone hogging up what should rightfully be his.

So every time my boyfriend even so much as pulls me in for a hug, Moo comes right on over and starts rubbing up against our legs and doing figure eights. If weíre lying on the couch and the BF leans in for a kiss, thereís Moo walking across us, tail furring up our faces and demanding we direct our attention to him.

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5. Burn candles

I can no longer light candles in my house. Even the ones that are in jars and covered, thereís no way, for two reasons: First, the obvious Ė- I donít want any accidents happening and tails or fur catching on fire.

Second, because I have a habit of forgetting to blow candles out, and then I have to turn around halfway to wherever I was going to go back home and deal with them. Even if it is a jar candle that would never light up the house, I donít want any chance of accident with the cats there.

But I love candles, especially the smell of them, and those plug-in air fresheners just arenít the same. Luckily, Iíve discovered wax tarts. These are amazing! You melt them in little tart warmers, which are heated with tiny tea lights. I put them high up enough where no cat can get to them, and I never have to worry about forgetting to blow them out, because when the tea light is done in a couple hours, it just goes out on its own. Best. Invention. Ever.

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6. Lie on the couch with a blanket without a cat on me

This scenario plays out every time: I lie on the couch to watch TV or read a book and pull a throw blanket over me to keep warm and cozy.

Cue the cat!

Pimp somehow hears it (do blankets make noise?!) and runs right over (no exaggeration, he hauls kitty butt) to get on top of me. He then proceeds to circle until he find the perfect spot (always the same spot; I donít know why he makes a show out of it) and settles down.

And itís not just me, either. Anyone who lies on the couch with a blanket gets the same treatment.

And itís not one particular blanket. Anyone with any blanket on the couch gets a Pimp topper.

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7. Keep things on my nightstand

I used to plug in my cellphone and leave it on my nightstand by the bed. I also used to keep a ChapStick there, and the TV remote and a few other random things.

One day Moo learned that nothing made me sit straight up awake faster than the sound of my $600 iPhone crashing to the floor. And now itís like a game. I donít think he does it just to wake me up anymore; I think he actually enjoys watching me react.

One by one, heíll knock something down and just look over at me until I acknowledge it. Heíll lightly tap his paw at the TV remote until it falls, and then heíll glance my way to make sure I saw it. Yup, I did. Okay, next thing! And off goes each item on the nightstand until everything is on the ground. Then he walks away nonchalantly. His work there is done.

So now I keep only nonbreakable items that make minimal noise when they fall. This way he still gets to play his game (I canít believe I entertain this, but whatever) and I get to sleep through the night without worrying if my phone will turn on or not the next morning.

Did I miss anything? Do you have things you can no longer do because you have cats? Share them in the comments!

Photo: Grumpy orange cat by Shutterstock.com

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Read more: Cats, Humor & Inspiration, Pets

This post was written by Dorian Wagner, regular contributor to Catster Magazine.

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At Catster, we believe life is always more meaningful with a cat. Get a daily dose of news, views and cuteness over at Catster Magazine.

343 comments

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6:12AM PDT on Jul 25, 2014

ahhah awww

1:42AM PDT on Jul 25, 2014

Another thing cats don't let you do is work at your computer in peace. They get on the desk, plant themselves in front of your monitor, get their tails in your face and play with the mouse. Actually, I am surprised my own cat isn't doing it at the moment. He must be sound asleep somewhere; (after checking), ah yes, so he is! But it may only be a matter of time....

5:55PM PDT on Jul 24, 2014

....one of our cats expects to be fed every meal time........we eat and she wants to eat, too......

12:36PM PDT on Jul 24, 2014

Maureen H, I agree with the always adopt 2. But sometimes that means they work together. I have one cat that gently wakes me up, slowly coming up and sitting on my chest purring. That's the initial call. If that doesn't work, the other cat comes running in the room full speed and jumps on me. I don't know if they worked it out ahead of time or just played to their personalities, but it works. Sometimes I stay in bed just to see the whole show.

12:25AM PDT on Jul 23, 2014

You are loved my friend! Moo not only gets what he wants, to be fed when he tries to wake you, right?....boxes to play in, or sit in, or shred....a lovely soft person "bed", when you try to lie down with a blanket over you...but most importantly, he gets you! Sounds like Moo loves his human mommy a bunch....so much he waits for you while you shower...he's probably trying to figure out how he can get in there with you, and still stay dry!

4:38PM PDT on Jul 21, 2014

I have two cats that knock things off the nightstand. They get a bit of kibble in my room and stay till about midnight sleeping while I read. My husband is a night owl so he gets custody of the cats while I sleep and feeds them breakfast about 3 in the morning so they're not starving when I get up. Finally I keep the door closed although I know they're out there waiting.

12:47AM PDT on Jul 20, 2014

Thank you for sharing!

3:37PM PDT on Jul 17, 2014

This is all so true...love my kitty cats! Thanks for the article.

3:17PM PDT on Jul 17, 2014

Summerannie, there's a solution to your problem too. Don't adopt one cat, adopt 2. Whenever I've adopted cats, I've got 2, usually from the same litter. They play, sleep with one another, and keep each other company all day while I'm at work, so they aren't so needy when I get home. They still want lap & cuddling & stroking, but not constantly.

If you can, go out & adopt a friend for your cat. Adult cats, especially if they have been single cats, may well not get along with another adult cat (territoriality issues), but almost no adult cat will hurt a kitten. It's kitten season right now & millions of kittens in shelters risk being put down if they are not adopted. Even better, adopt 2 kittens from the same litter. They want to play incessantly when they are kittens, so a singleton will try to get your older cat to play, even if she doesn't want to, and could annoy her. 2 kittens will play together, but snuggle up with, groom, and love your older cat, who will almost always reciprocate. Many humane shelters and animal rescue groups will let you adopt for a month "on approval" to find out how your older cat gets along with them & vice versa, so you don't even have to worry about keeping them if your older cat does not get along with them

For anybody, if you want to adopt a kitten, get 2 (or more), preferably from the same litter. If you are adopting an older cat, talk to the shelter about the advisability of adopting 2 kittens on approval a

2:58PM PDT on Jul 17, 2014

I've had cats for decades (my current owners are 11 months old). I agree that some of these problems are probably insoluble (like keeping things on the nightstand), but there are simple solutions for problems 1 & 2.

1) I sleep in as much & as late as I want & my cats never bother me. I leave out dry food, so they aren't starving. They know I will not feed them anything else when I get up (I usually wait a few hours), so there's no reason to wake me.

2) Close the door. It's really simple.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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