I adore Halloween. It’s the one time each year when our white gloves come off and we can indulge in any manner of blood, gore, guts, and all things gruesome. It’s the time to get down and dirty, embrace our fantasies in costume, and practice ritualized extortion for treats!
I love that Halloween wasn’t borne out of Hallmark’s desire to sell greeting cards. The holiday stems from the ancient Gaelic festival of Samhain which celebrated the end of the harvest season and the ensuing preparations for winter. The Gaels believed that at this time, the boundaries between the worlds of the living and the dead overlapped and the deceased could reach back into life and wreak havoc such with disease or ruined crops.
Some of these themes survive, but we have managed to snowball the who shebang into something all-entirely different. Namely: a candy extravaganza, with nearly $2 billion dollars spent on the spook-some sticky stuff last year. This year, more than 35 million pounds of candy corn alone will be produced. That is equal to nine billion pieces–¯enough to circle the moon nearly four times if placed end-to-end.
But Halloween candy has taken a turn to the dark side as well. No longer candy corn, mini-chocolate bars, and lollipops–the novelty candy market has invaded the scene like a pack of zombies. Here is a selection of the creepiest, goriest, and downright grossest of the ghoulish goodies on the market. Aside from the frightening ingredients, the candy concepts here are the stuff of shudders!
1. Experience a long lasting blast of extreme sour flavor from the outside layer.
2. Next, enjoy the sweet great tasting sweet candy middle layer.
3. Then, just when you thought it was over….it’s not! Toxic Waste has the only Double-Action Sour Flavor on the planet. Hidden deep inside each Toxic Waste candy is a top secret super-sour core.
Every kid’s Superfund-site dream come true.
Chocolate Doo Doo Drop Gift Bag
This Guittard Milk Chocolate Doo Drop is perfectly plopped on a bed of green “grass” and charmingly packaged for a quick pickup. Sweet fudge-y dog poop, egad.
Nose Nuggets Gum
If you’ve always dreamt of being able to tote around a bag of boogers, here’s your chance. Each cloth satchel of Nose Nuggets is filled with freshly-picked sweet green apple-flavored gum.
Dr. Scab`s Monster Lab Chocolate Body Parts
Nothing says “Happy Halloween” like a touch of cannibalism. Chocolate fingers and toes, ears, fangs, peanut butter filled lips, and fudge-filled eyeballs are sure to bring out the Hannibal Lecter in everyone.
Vampire’s Blood Sour Candy Spray Tubes
What’s wrong with this picture?
1. Spray candy.
2. Spray candy in a tube.
3. Spray candy in a tube that lights up.
Don’t we have enough crap in this world without needing to produce endless disposable syrup-laden flashlights to clog up the landfill?
A biological liquid to suit everyone’s taste: blood, urine, and saliva. Liquid candy is bad enough, but when it evokes body fluids, it’s just creepy. Mission accomplished.
Picked fresh from the inner recesses of a large ear, these chewy gummy morsels feature a delicious lemon flavor. Nifty ear storage container locks in freshness!
Nose Hose Candy Mask
This charming nose mask contains special candy slime, that drips from the nose onto your tongue for a tasty green apple snack. Your sniffles never tasted so good…