At some points in life, itís not possible ó or at least not easy ó to feel happy. However, even then, itís sometimes possible to feel happier. By taking the steps you can manage to give yourself whatever happiness boost is possible, you give yourself a deeper reservoir to deal with your challenge. Here are some strategies to consider:
1. Remind yourself of reasons to be grateful. When things look really dark, itís hard to feel grateful, but remembering whatís good in your life can help put problems into perspective. I have a friend who recently suffered a big disappointment at work. She said to me, ďAs long as my family is healthy, I canít get too upset about anything.Ē This may sound like hackneyed advice, but itís really true.
2. Remember your body. Take a twenty-minute walk outside to boost your energy and dissolve stress. Donít let yourself get too hungry. Get enough sleep. Manage pain. When youíre anxious, itís easy to stay up late and eat ice cream ó and thatís going to make you feel worse in the long run. Itís very tempting to run yourself ragged trying to deal with a crisis, but in the long run, you just wear yourself out.
3. Do something fun. Temporarily distract yourself from the stress, and re-charge your battery, with an enjoyable activity. Watching a funny movie is a reliable way to give yourself a pleasant break, and listening to your favorite music is one of the quickest ways to change your mood. When my older daughter was in the intensive-care unit as a newborn, my husband dragged me off to a movie one afternoon ó and that few hours of distraction made me much better able to cope with the situation. Be careful, however, not to ďtreatĒ yourself by doing something thatís eventually going to make you feel worse (taking up smoking again, drinking too much, indulging in retail therapy). My comfort-food activity is reading childrenís literature.
4. Take action. If youíre in a bad situation, take steps to bring about change. If youíre having trouble with your new boss, you could decide to try to transfer. Or you could change your behavior. Or you could find ways to pay less attention to your boss. Ask yourself, ďWhat exactly is the problem?Ē Itís astounding to me that often, when I take time to identify a problem exactly, a possible solution presents itself.
5. Look for meaning. Re-frame an event to see the positive along with the negative. Maybe getting fired will give you the push you need to move to the city where youíve always wanted to live. Maybe your illness has strengthened your relationships with your family. You donít need to be thankful that something bad has happened, but you can try to find positive consequences even in a catastrophic event.
6. Connect with friends and family. Strong relationships are a KEY to happiness, so fight the impulse to isolate yourself. Show up. Make plans. Ask for help, offer your help to others. Or just have some fun (see #3) and forget your troubles for a while.
7. Make something better. If something in your life has gotten worse, try to make something else better Ė and it doesnít have to be something important. Clean a closet. Organize your photographs. Work in the yard.
8. Act toward other people the way you wish theyíd act toward you. If you wish your friends would help you find someone to date, see if you can fix up a friend. If you wish people would help you find a job, see if you can help someone else find a job. If you canít think of a way to help someone you know, do something generous in a more impersonal way. For instance: commit to being an organ donor! When youíre feeling very low, it can be hard to muster the energy to help someone else, but youíll be amazed at how much better you feel. Do good, feel good; it really works.
What other strategies have you used to make yourself happier during an unhappy time?
Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may
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