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Afraid To Be Me?

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Afraid To Be Me?

I recently wrote a piece called, “Gay… and Terrified“.

A few hours after I published it, I talked to a friend who “came out” to me as a victim of domestic violence. She is not gay, but she is leaving and she is absolutely terrified about it. It turns out that her “real me” is all of these things that her husband finds intolerable – strong, creative, social, brave, beautiful, and on and on – and she, like me all those years ago, is leaving.

This is terrifying in so many familiar ways because… well, there are so many really fine reasons to feel terrified. For example:

  • Being a single mother, which may very well be the only thing on this planet harder than being a mother.
  • Being financially responsible for herself and her young children.
  • Being forced to eventually leave her children alone with a man that she knows doesn’t have/isn’t capable of having their best interest at heart.
  • Being alone.
  • Being rejected by at some part, if not a large part of their shared community – including friends, in-laws, and in some cases even her family.
  • Being all of the things that for years she said she couldn’t be because he was holding her back.
  • Being all of the things that she will realize she still is, even in his absence.
  • Being crazy… because that what he’s told everyone for years when she tried to leave and didn’t, or left and returned, or sent him away and then let him come back. What if he is right?

I could go on and on but we all know how this works, right?

Next: Afraid? Perhaps. Be you anyway.

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Read more: Health, Inspiration, Mental Wellness, Self-Help, Spirit, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , ,

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Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.


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7:52AM PDT on Sep 16, 2012


8:28AM PDT on Jun 27, 2011

Really needed this today. Thank you.

3:44PM PDT on Jun 26, 2011


9:33PM PDT on Jun 22, 2011

Purpose is to live happy rather living unhappy life,fear,freedom is essential to gain a good mentality.
Thank you for good article to awareness of society

10:28AM PDT on Jun 22, 2011

I married 5 times, I guess looking for daddy who left when I was in the 2nd grade and sick. I think that moma married the first man who asked her and it was awful. Everyone says to come out but it still isn't easy. I don't know if I ever want to be with another man in my life. I kinda like being by myself b/c its safe here. No sense in going into what happened b/c all of our stories sound about the same and I kinda think at times that that is funny how we all were duped in the same way. We are such weird creatures. I hope I didn't hurt anyones feelings.

5:18AM PDT on Jun 22, 2011

Thank you!

2:06AM PDT on Jun 22, 2011

The decision can seem overwhelming and hopefully once the decision is made family and friends add support because it won't be an easy transition, learning to be yourself is a bumpy ride but stick with it, the journey will be worth the effort. I wish your friend well.

7:43PM PDT on Jun 21, 2011

Dianne... bless you, sister. Thank you for posting.

6:49PM PDT on Jun 21, 2011

In 1979, I came out. I'd been battered,raped,abused, dominated,threatened and called crazy.Suddenly ,I was OUT. I,too, was terrified. He kept my kids, trying to continue the domination into the court system.He was a hospital department head and expected to be able to put me through" hell by court date" then,by his position (and his malehood ) to win. My mental health doctor asked me to" let it go ", to focus on getting well and strong.He asked me to '''find Dianne" to "learn to be free". Thank GOD for that advice. Since then I've become a student , an employee,a Mom( as soon as my kids were allowed to choose, they came to me). I've been a good wife --twice and, now a widow --twice. I've been a nursing assistant,I've worked in a nursing home ,done home and hospice care,Worked in the Heart Center of a major big city Hospital and at a small town hospital in Northern Minnesota. I'm a friend ,neighbor volunteer,an activist,and a Church lady.I'm busy being Dianne. PLEASE BE BRAVE. Get strong. Then go find AND BE YOU! Remember, you've survived worse.

6:40PM PDT on Jun 21, 2011

Gary Stewart and Kathlene Lentz, thank you for sharing your stories. And also thanks to Christy for the great article.

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