Align Yourself With Possibility

Putting attention on your feelings gets you closer to the state of witnessing; you observe the pain without getting wrapped up in all the secondary blame, avoidance, and denial that usually follows.

In the act of witnessing, insight becomes possible. It takes detachment to bring understanding, and if you get caught up in your hurt, you won’t see the reason behind it. No one can hurt you today without triggering a hurt from your past. You have to see that in order to find yourself.

As you learn to say, “I feel hurt,” and really be with that feeling, more openness will develop. The emotions that frighten us are the complex ones, because they overwhelm the natural release mechanism. You cannot simply release guilt or depression. They are secondary formations that arose once you forgot how to release hurt.

The more hurt you honestly feel, the more comfortable you will be with pain, because the ability to release it will grow. As this happens, you will feel easier about all your other emotions. (To a blocked mind, feeling “positive” emotions such as love and trust is often just as difficult as feeling “negative” emotions such as hate and distrust. Both are blocked by old unresolved hurts.)

Feeling easy with your emotions means that you won’t get so entangled in other people’s. Instead of blaming the ones who hurt you, you will be able to forgive.

The lessons of this exercise are very profound, and it puts you back into the present, and present-moment awareness never ages. It is the same when you are 5 or 85. The discovery of freedom in the present opens the door for the permanent experience of timelessness, in which past, present, and future are revealed as illusions compared to the true reality, which is always here and now.

Adapted from Ageless Body, Timeless Mind, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1998).

feelings, witnessing,

Read more: Deepak Chopra's Tips, Spirit, feelings, pain, reality

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Victor M.

11:46AM PST on Nov 14, 2011

nothing to believe

send a green star

Naga C.

12:06PM PST on Nov 13, 2011

This website is sooo buggy! To finish the previous post, Gaby D:

In fact, the memory of the traumatic event is less important, it is the feeling NOW. If we can find and express that feeling, the memory of the event may then come to surface.And the event may be spread in episodes over years, not just a one-off.

It is not easy. Understanding arises as we clear out the old emotions, we become able to think more clearly and act more effectively

Mindfulness is the key to unlock the door behind which lurk the emotions that deprive us of true peace.

“Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.”

11:40AM PST on Nov 13, 2011

Uma :
Ahamkara is that aspect of the personal mind which gives rise to the illusion of a seprate 'ego'. It means literally the " I-maker".

11:29AM PST on Nov 13, 2011

Care2 did that not me...
AnyWay :
It is important to realise that, under all the complex and viloent emotions there is a "foundation" of sadness, grief. Grieving for a lost childhood, a lost happiness, a lost life that might have been wholly other.

"When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep."

Kahlil Gibran...... check it out.

11:22AM PST on Nov 13, 2011

Gaby D. ;-)
Forgiveness is a necessary, but not sufficient, cause for self healing.

When we are first wounded, we defend ourselves against overwhelming pain by simply dissociating from it and not feeling it. We bury the memory in various ways of distraction. i.e. bad habits...or even "good" habits such as 'holier than thou' do-gooding, to avoid the feeling bad inside ourself fixing other people to avoid the pain of fixing ourself. Many so-called healers play this game.

In order to heal ourselves we have to literally feel the feeling we had at the time of the wounding and express the associated emotion: fear, terror, guilt, confusion, shame, anger, murderous rage--Yes even small small children can feel murderous impotent rage against the ogres and giants who abuse and torture it. Not only sexual exploitation or simply wielding unjust power by an otherwise powerless person; often enough in the name of righteousness as a cloak for sadism.

Thinking about it and remembering is not enough, we have to touch the feeling, and when we hit the spot, the long suppressed emotions will out: spontaneously we may weep, rage , scream. and so forth, we may sob it seems without end....with faith and prayer and perseverance, little by little, we face the past, because it is not past, it is present, undermining us and our potential happiness.

In fact, the memory of the traumatic event is less important, it is the feeling NOW. If we can find and express that feeling, the memory

11:21AM PST on Nov 13, 2011

irene f.

12:05PM PST on Nov 12, 2011

@GabyD speaking from my own experience and search, I think the most important thing is not to TRY and understand why that person hurt you because that will never satisfy, even if you had the oportunity to ask - at least in what I know as my truth - that didn't satisfy me. You need to forgive for yourself, you need to move on for your sake, I spent a ton of time asking myself why and it just made it worse. Just look for that state where you can say "yes that hurt and made an imprint in my life but I choose to move on and not let it rule my life and relationships to myself and others". That is all I know to say.
And about why so many therapists try and make you go back to old wounds or first wounds, well because they are the foundation on which all other "similar wounds" rest, if you are able to remove or heal that imprint it can do a lot to make the rest of them not seem as bad.
Once I got this I can say that eventhough I still get sad when I think of those experiences that hurt me I can now see them as just events in my life and I know that they weren't my fault and that I can choose if I keep these people close to me or not because I am the one I have to respect and love.
What I am trying to say is don't try and understand others this just keeps you inside your head and in the hurt, tune into what it is you want and move towards that.
Namaste

myra d.

12:35PM PST on Nov 10, 2011

Often the pain that's been inflicted by a parent or friend is unintentional. They just were being themselves. The sad part is that "I" wasn't even part of their reality. I think that's what hurts the most. I thought that I was "special" and that "they" cared but in fact I was invisible. "They" were my world. I wasn't even a part of theirs. Growing up isn't easy is it. Forgiveness isn't hard. Compassion hurts.

Gaby D.

12:10AM PST on Nov 10, 2011

continued..
Without fail they will find old 'wounds', point out that it is blockages that they encounter ....old stuff.... but does 'going back there' necessarily help? I have my doubts.
So what is 'releasing hurt' and what is rehashing old hurt? Thanks for any feedback! Namaste.

12:09AM PST on Nov 10, 2011

Dear Deepak and Care 2 friends, in reading this post I'm left with a question. A question that has been on my mind for sometime now. Deepak states:
"No one can hurt you today without triggering a hurt from your past. You have to see that in order to find yourself." I get that.
I can actually see that happening, feel that happening. The next alinea is where it gets confusing: " As you learn to say, “I feel hurt,” and really be with that feeling, more openness will develop. The emotions that frighten us are the complex ones, because they overwhelm the natural release mechanism. You cannot simply release guilt or depression. They are secondary formations that arose once you forgot how to release hurt."
So far so good! The question is: How on earth do you 'get' to those emotions, the hurt from the past'. And how on earth do you know which emotions they are." In a lifetime, especially during childhood a lot of children are hurt, in one way or the other. My way of dealing with those 'hurts' has been trying to understand what 'triggered' the person to 'hurt' me. It is so often unintentional, so often to be explained from the person's own past. Is being able to understand what caused the person to hurt you, and thus being able to 'forgive', enough to release the hurt? The reason I ask is that so many alternative and psychologists/ therapists seem to love digging up the past.
Without fail they will find old 'wounds', point out that it is blockages that they encounter .