Alone But Not Lonely

Discover the truth about all the people in your life who prefer their own company to a crowd of friends. Anneli Rufus author of the Party of One: The Loner’s Manifesto dispels the negative associations and myths of not being social.

Anneli Rufus is a graduate of UC Berkeley and the author of five books, including Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto, Stuck: Why We Can’t (or Won’t) Move On and The Farewell Chronicles. She is also the coauthor of five more travel books, including Weird Europe and The Scavengers’ Manifesto. Currently she writes about food, health, sex, and other topics for TheDailyBeast.com, the Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and Alternet.

Dive deep with us as we discuss the ways that we get stuck in life and the simple, but not necessarily easy fixes to creating a life that is responsive and open to change. Insightful and funny, this is a conversation that will make you think twice about the social relationships that define life.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Related:
Introvert or Extrovert: Take the Quiz
For Those Alone Times, Wisdom of the Hermit

151 comments

Kamia C.
Kamia T.about a year ago

Everyone on my mother's side of the family has been somewhat introverted. People just wear us out. I've had to teach my kids that there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with wanting to be alone to recover and regroup. In fact, it's rather nice to be able to not have to have a partner all the time. Makes options so much easier.

Danuta Watola
Danuta Watola3 years ago

Thanks for the article.

Patricia H.
Patricia H.3 years ago

I love being around good people and I'm the best person I know.

Sophie DuPont
Sophie DuPont4 years ago

OH MY GOD do you ever shut up and let the Author talk? I am a diagnosed loner and you are exactly what drains us. I am exhausted just listening to you. I am so sorry to be so rude but it would be lovely to of heard her talk so much more on being a loner. Sophie

Margie Bonn
Past Member 4 years ago

I love my life (ALONE) -
No distractions - No one in my face
I love peace and quiet -
I do whatever I want when I want OR NOT -
I come and go as I please -
It's Called Freedom...

I have my 2 furry Cat Boys that need me, and they give me great pleasure with their company -

If I feel the need for human contact I call a family member OR friend.
If I've been in the house too long, I just get out and go shopping OR something -

Works For Me!

K s Goh
KS Goh4 years ago

Thanks for the article.

Beverly G.
bev g.5 years ago

Im a loner, i do prefer my own company, tho sometimes i have been forced in my life to be lonely and ,be a loner due to the fact of not having a lot of friends or reliable friends . I do like being on my own in my own space but, i do like sum company sumtimes but not all the time. IIm 56 now, female and cudent commit to marriage tho lived with a man and i think as u get older u change and u get worse. So now we are apart my circumstances have changed and have become more depressed,supressed and lonely, sufering from anxiety and, yeh - stuck. Sum of it is my ded and anx that stops me, i am fearful, i have lost my confidence and cant face the outside world and what it throws at me at times.

Kate R.
Kate R.5 years ago

It's really refreshing to read this and the comments. I'm becoming more and more of a "loner" but my living situation doesn't allow for much alone time. I'll have to try harder to create this time. Thanks for the eye opener. I guess it is OK to be like this.

Loo Samantha
Loo sam5 years ago

noted

Tom Sullivan
Tom C Sullivan5 years ago

I prefer just my wife & doggies & a few select friends and family