Iím not sure whatís up, but Iíve been surrounded by women having affairs lately. I thought it might be just me. After all, Iím an OB/GYN, so I tend to attract women who are suddenly freaking out about the chlamydia they just contracted from their lover — the one their husband doesnít know about.
But then I read my friend Pamela Madsenís fabulous book Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure, and Somehow Got Home In Time To Cook Dinner, and she wrote about how all her friends were having midlife affairs, and it got me thinking.
How many of us are cheating?
And why is this happening?
If youíve ever cheated on someone, or youíre having an affair, or youíre tempted to have an affair, this post is for you.
But first off, letís not talk about whatís right or wrong here. Letís make this an exploration of a common phenomenon without muddying the waters with morality, religion, or judgment.
Letís make this about love. So we can all feel safe to discuss this issue as sisters.
My own cheating heart
Iíve never cheated on a husband. Iíve never had an affair. But I did kiss another guy the day before I broke off an engagement once. It was incredibly hot. And I felt like a total worm. I never told the guy I ditched about what had happened, but when he took my diamond ring and put it into a little oyster shell and sent it out to sea, I felt like a heel. I try to live a regret-free life, but I deeply regretted not having the guts to break up with him before kissing the guy.
I think I knew he would be so upset about what Iíd done that kissing this guy sort of got me off the fence and made my decision for me. Beforehand, I was 90 percent sure I wanted to break off the engagement. But I think I sucked face with that dude as a crutch. Once Iíd given into a moment of passion, I figured I might as well go ahead and end my engagement, since if I didnít — and I told my fiancť the truth — he would dump me instead.
It was sort of cowardly, when I think about it. I wish I had treated my fiancť with the respect he deserved by making up my mind first. And then kissing the other guy.
Next: It seems like a good idea at the time…