How much resistance are you in now? Our psychological defenses are extremely good at hiding this from us; by definition, stored-up emotions are the ones we can’t feel. However, resistance gives rise to a telltale behavior patternócontrol. Having to be in control is a compulsion rooted in fear and threat.
Give yourself a point for each statement that applies to you frequently, most of the time, or almost always. Some of the statements do not sound very flattering, but try to be as candid and honest about yourself as you can.
1. I like to be in control of work situations and am much happier working alone than with others.
2. When I’m under pressure, the easiest emotion for me to show is anger or irritability.
3. I rarely tell anyone that I need them.
4. I tend to harbor old hurts. Rather than telling someone that he hurt me, I would rather fantasize about getting even.
5. I have quite a few resentments about the way my brothers and sisters relate to me.
6. The more money I spend on someone, the more that means I love them.
7. I keep to myself how unfairly others treat me.
8. If a relationship starts to go bad, I secretly wish I could take back everything I bought for that person.
9. If it’s my house, the people in it should follow my rules.
10. I find it hard to admit being vulnerable. I don’t often say “I’m wrong” and mean it.