Are You in a Possessive Relationship? Quiz

It’s all too easy to confuse possessive love with true love, but possessive love can harm and undermine you, depleting your

Take this simple quiz to see if you may be in a possessive

Answer the following questions true or false:

1. The other person needs to have say in everything, or most everything, that you do.

2. He or she does not give you time to think for yourself and demands immediate decisions.

3. You find you are frequently unsure and you let the other person make up your mind for you.

4. You spend most, if not all, of your time with this person.

5. He or she does not like your friends.

6. He or she threatens to leave you if you exert any independence.

7. He or she is jealous of your family and/or friends.

8. Whenever this person is around, you give your power over to him or her.

9. You are losing energy and enthusiasm you had for past interests.

10. You find you do things with this person that you said you didn’t want to do.

The more of these statements you answered “true,” the more possessive and potentially dangerous the relationship is. But even if you only recognize one of these as true for you, you may be in a possessive relationship. As long as you are willing to be in this kind of relationship, you will stifle your true nature and true love will elude you. Even true love found in friendships and family relationships is nonpossessive and empowering.

Adapted from Teen Psychic, by Julie Tallard Johnson (Inner Traditions, 2003). Copyright (c) 2003 by Julie Tallard Johnson. Reprinted by permission of Inner Traditions.
Adapted from Teen Psychic, by Julie Tallard Johnson (Inner Traditions, 2003).


Duane B.
.3 years ago

Thank you for sharing.

Aud Nordby
Aud n3 years ago


LMj Sunshine
LMj Recovering S3 years ago

Interesting, thank you.

LMj Sunshine
LMj Recovering S3 years ago

Interesting, thank you.

LMj Sunshine
LMj Recovering S3 years ago

Interesting, thank you.

Chad A.
Chad A4 years ago

Thanks for the helpful insight.

Fer Gama
Fer Gama4 years ago

Thanks,it's very useful

Rachael M.
Rachael Murphy4 years ago

e through submitting.

The possessive person needs to learn that real relationships flourish in total freedom, not in imposed dutifulness. And the codependent person needs to realize that telling their loved one what they want to hear and doing what they want to do is unhealthy for everyone!

It is up to both individuals to step out and work on themselves before perusing the relationship, if at all, any further.

Guard your heart and beware of these patterns. Don't get entangled in a mutual web of insecurity and emotional chaos. Love hurts. It's profoundly precious!!! But only God's love is perfect; it casts out all fear. Only He can ultimately fulfill us.

Rachael M.
Rachael Murphy4 years ago

Though remember it is NEVER one sided! As another user said, I believe that possessive relationships and codependency go hand in hand.

In a codependent relationship, one partner is unable to say no or set boundaries that keep the relationship mutually respectful (for example, one partner makes all the decisions about vacations). This dynamic can continue for quite some time, but eventually exhaustion and resentment build up to a point that even the codependent partner can't stand, says Dr. Tessina. “When you are afraid to ask for what you want, you can’t have a healthy or lasting relationship,” says Dr. Denkin. “You can’t say anything without wondering if it will meet with your partner’s approval. You can’t express what you want or confide in the other person. Eventually, you end up living separate lives.”

This leads to hiding and mistrust, which then lead to more controlling and feelings of entrapment that continue spurring the cycle.

Over-possessiveness and codependency definitely overlap. The truth of the matter is that codependency is an addiction itself. One person is addicted to demonstrating affection by controlling others for fulfillment, meanwhile, the other person in the relationship is addicted to demonstrating affection by being controlled and fulfilling the needs of the controller. Both parties tend to excessively 'take care' of each other. One is about getting love through dominating and one is about getting lov

Rachael M.
Rachael Murphy4 years ago

A controlling demeanor paired with an agreeable demeanor is a recipe for disaster... it's unfortunate when a possessive personality believes in his heart he's being 'protective' out of his extreme love, but part of that stems from much deeper psychological reasons. Sad that people may be compatible in virtually every area but when it comes to this, it will never lead to contentment but only pain. It becomes codependent. Love and discontentment should not go together.

Not to say that there are a wide host of factors in each individual relationship that cause it to be fundamentally unhealthy.. emotional, spiritual, etc... but this is one dangerous situation in the densely layered dynamic which should be carefully considered.