Are You in a Possessive Relationship? Quiz

It’s all too easy to confuse possessive love with true love, but possessive love can harm and undermine you, depleting your
energy.

Take this simple quiz to see if you may be in a possessive
relationship.

Answer the following questions true or false:

1. The other person needs to have say in everything, or most everything, that you do.

2. He or she does not give you time to think for yourself and demands immediate decisions.

3. You find you are frequently unsure and you let the other person make up your mind for you.

4. You spend most, if not all, of your time with this person.

5. He or she does not like your friends.

6. He or she threatens to leave you if you exert any independence.

7. He or she is jealous of your family and/or friends.

8. Whenever this person is around, you give your power over to him or her.

9. You are losing energy and enthusiasm you had for past interests.

10. You find you do things with this person that you said you didn’t want to do.

The more of these statements you answered “true,” the more possessive and potentially dangerous the relationship is. But even if you only recognize one of these as true for you, you may be in a possessive relationship. As long as you are willing to be in this kind of relationship, you will stifle your true nature and true love will elude you. Even true love found in friendships and family relationships is nonpossessive and empowering.

Read more: Life, Quizzes, Self-Help

Adapted from Teen Psychic, by Julie Tallard Johnson (Inner Traditions, 2003). Copyright (c) 2003 by Julie Tallard Johnson. Reprinted by permission of Inner Traditions.
Adapted from Teen Psychic, by Julie Tallard Johnson (Inner Traditions, 2003).

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Joe R.

8:58AM PDT on May 23, 2012

Thanks Annie.

send a green star

Patricia H.

1:09PM PDT on May 17, 2012

interesting

Mandi A.

9:54AM PST on Jan 10, 2012

Hmm...

Beatriz T.

7:06AM PDT on Oct 1, 2011

Yes,I am in a possessive relationship and I am trying to let go with this kind of relationship because it hinders my growth as a person.

Lyn Z.

5:59AM PST on Jan 31, 2011

Agree wholeheartedly

LK S.

7:49AM PST on Jan 24, 2011

In my former marriage, I'd have had to answer yes to nine out of ten of these questions. And #3 would have been a no-and-yes: no, I was never unsure of what I really felt/thought/believed, but because he relentlessly badgered me whenever I expressed anything different from his own views, I quickly began hide my true self from him, which, since it was apparent that my acquiescence was empty, only made him more determined to "teach" me what was "right." I couldn't agree more with Janice and Jaclyn: relationships like this will almost certainly progress from emotional and psychological abuse to physical abuse eventually. It took six years before mine did, and that was when I finally realized it had been an abusive relationship all along—and got out, fast. I wholeheartedly recommend that anyone who can answer yes to most of these questions get counseling and/or get out of that relationship NOW, because the possessive behavior WILL escalate if left unchecked.

Re S.

9:09AM PDT on Oct 19, 2010

Very useful wake-up call! Of course, some of these could indicate co-dependence rather than possessiveness, but both are unhealthy.

John D.

4:44PM PDT on Sep 17, 2010

I am in a very possessive relationship thank you ever so much. I now know what to do.

Use a Wedding Planner

Jaclyn S.

3:08PM PDT on Jul 28, 2010

Thank you for this. It is true that controlling behavior, even passive aggressively, often leads to more severe abuse. I have seen this personally & am currently working on mending a relationship that almost went this way. You must know your own boundaries, know what you will & will not tolerate & be strong enough to demand these things.

Janice P.

9:57AM PDT on Jul 28, 2010

I have been in a very possessive realtionship in the past. These kinds of people almost ALWAYS graduate from controlling, to being emotionally abusive,and then to being physically abusive - and often dangerous. If you are in a relationship with a controlling person, do NOT think he/she is going to change. RUN! You may find out that you will be lucky to get out with your self-esteem in tact or even with your very life.